Out of context, that’s the most “Yahoo Serious Festival” headline I’ve ever written.

In context, it makes a little more sense. Yesterday, Danger Guerrero wrote a piece for Warming Glow about how a terrifying promotional foam likeness of ‘Veep’ star Julia Louis-Dreyfus had been spotted walking around in Washington. If you love baseball, your first thought upon seeing the creature was, “oh, that looks like a Geico Racing President.” Sure enough, here’s mascot Selina Meyer hanging out with local footrace legend and former President Of The United States Teddy Roosevelt. Teddy was the George Costanza of the Presidents for the longest time, so this image may have hypercontext.

Yes, that’s right, the Julia Louis-Dreyfus character from that HBO show — or a presidentialized version of her, anyhow — will partner with Teddy against the team of Abe and Taft in a presidential relay race at Nats Park Tuesday night, in advance of Sunday’s 10 p.m. season two premier. She/it will also be in the center-field plaza before the game, and will be involved in several in-game promotions. (via Washington Post)

So rest easy, Danger. Now the only thing you have to worry about is that terrible, skinny William Howard Taft they came up with.

A free idea for everyone involved in this promotion’s creation: a Racing Presidents version of Ned Stark that almost wins the race, but trips up and loses his head.

(spoiler alert: Side with the deer.)

What you’re about to witness is the epic confrontation between Dwight Howard and “Bango,” the inflatable equivalent of the Milwaukee Bucks mascot, filled by a man who is willing to stand in the hallway of the BMO Harris Bradley Center and pretend to be an immobile roadside balloon statue (or whatever) until Dwight Howard walks by. If you can’t tell them apart, Dwight Howard is the one that dresses like Minkus from ‘Boy Meets World,’ assuming Minkus was 11 feet tall.

Okay, so maybe “epic” is the wrong word, but it’s always nice to see anthropomorphic inflatables getting the psychological edge on a popular basketball star. Video is after the jump.

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Say what you will about the Phillie Phanatic, but he’s got fantastic taste in women.

Here’s a clip (thanks to Sports Crackle Pop, by way of Philly Barstool) of the greatest and most important of all sports mascots crashing a traffic forecast to briefly discuss the 2013 Philadelphia Phillies season before noticing that Kacie McDonnell is amazing and going in for a kiss. The result? Kacie McDonnell has a boyfriend now, and he is a blood red Galapagos bird.

I’ve never met the red version of the Phanatic, but I HAVE been kissed on the face his green equivalent, for telling him I had the The Phillie Phanatic Goes Hollywood DVD. Maybe I shouldn’t meet the red one. I feel like he should be enraged and hyper-violent or something.

(I’d like to meet Kacie, too.)
(I need to know about the traffic.)

This week, Sports On TV looks at the greatest sports moments from one of the greatest shows ever made — Paul Feig and Judd Apatow’s classic 1999 series ‘Freaks and Geeks,’ about a group of kids trying to navigate high school in 1980s Michigan.

The show only aired for 12 episodes and only 18 were made, but anyone who has seen it can attest to its greatness. It features an incredible cast full of people you love from SOMEWHERE (be it Martin Starr and Lizzy Caplan for their killer turns on ‘Party Down,’ Linda Cardellini for being Velma in the Scooby-Doo movies or a doctor on ‘ER,’ Jason Segel for reviving the Muppets and forgetting Sarah Marshall, and on and on), some of the best music of all time, beautiful photography, writing that stays with you 14 years later … everything you could ask for in a television show. Also, sports.

So please enjoy the 10 greatest sports moments from ‘Freaks and Geeks.’ In a better world, we’d have enough episodes to do 25.

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Okay, that headline is technically a lie. The Oregon Duck — the best mascot in college sports, based solely on the fact that he parodied ‘Gangnam Style’ only days after it blew up, instead of waiting 6 months like everybody else — is aping the museum scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off to promote THE DUCK KNOWS ART?, an Oregon football art contest.

If you got to spend an afternoon in an art museum with ersatz Donald Duck, how would you spend it? If you answered “by watching him destroy art and almost make out with 2013′s equivalent to Mia Sara,” you’ll love this. Video is below.

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"You do not want to rush this floor, Duke fans."

Obviously, when it comes to rivalries, a team’s record doesn’t really matter. If two teams hate each other enough, they’re both usually possessed with supernatural-type powers that allow even the weakest of opponents to play above and beyond their limitations. So when it came to last night’s matchup between the unranked UNC Tar Heels and the No. 2 Duke Blue Devils, we should have obviously expected that it would be a close one. After all, if UNC fans had the balls to steel one of the Duke mascot’s heads and set it on a pike*, then they obviously expected their team to show up.

And the Heels mostly showed up, losing 73-68 on the back of piss-poor free throw shooting in the second half, but that was all good enough to Duke fans, who wanted desperately to rush the court after their team rallied to win. That’s what a rivalry does – it makes the fans of the second best team in the country think that they should rush the court after barely beating an unranked team.

Fortunately, Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski lifted his powerful hands and used the force of darkness to put all Duke fans back in their seats. So instead of rushing the court, they went outside and burned a bunch of stuff**. At least they were nicer this time. Hooray college basketball!

UPDATE: !!!Hilarious college newspaper headline alert!!!

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