The NFL and Nike invited fans from all over the globe to New York City yesterday to unveil the league’s brand new uniforms, as they were presented by one player from each team. As we know, the league’s contract with Reebok expired recently – and not without some awkwardness – and Nike was ready to usher NFL players into a new era of slightly different alterations and aerodynamic thingamajiggies. Our Uproxxian colleague Gotty was on hand to check out the entire new collection, if you want to view the whistles and bells, but the only team that actually received a total makeover was the Seattle Seahawks.

In case you didn’t get to watch much Seahawks action last season, the old uniforms looked like this:

They’re not terrible by any means, but they do lack those essential things like ZAZZ!!! and BOOM POW ZING!!! Thankfully, Nike has a team of experts who majored in those fields at their secret underground universities in the Pacific Northwest, and they were able to give the Seahawks their much needed overhaul. I’m giving it an A+ with two snaps and a sugar shaker from my muffin maker.

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Bills running back Marshawn Lynch was charged with felony gun possession last week, and at the time it seemed like an odd arrest because the news story made no mention of why Lynch and his two friends were pulled over.  Well, that’s because they were parked at the time.  Parked suspiciously.

[P]olice approached the black Mercedes Lynch and two others were sitting in it was parked suspiciously with the engine running, and that the car didn’t have proper license plates.

Run-on sentence much, professional journalists?

“They (officers) knocked on the window of the car. Someone unrolled the window. They saw three people in the car and they could smell a strong odor – marijuana coming from the car. They had the occupants exit so they could further investigate to see if there was any marajuana [sic] in the car. What they found were four, not marajuana [sic] cigarettes – what they call blunts or swisher sweets that appeared to contain marijuana in them,” says [Captain Dave] Tankenson.

Sitting in a parked car getting high with a loaded gun doesn’t seem like the wisest idea, but on the other hand, it’s hard to get pissed at a guy with a great blog who was obviously the target of racial profiling.  Besides, you can’t hate a guy with great fantasy stats.  Unless you don’t own him.

As most of the NFL’s analysts are busy prettying up their draft boards and fellating recently-retired quarterbacks, the league’s athletes are working to stay in midseason form. Bills running back Marshawn Lynch and Steelers kicker Jeff Reed had run-ins with law enforcement over the weekend.

“Reed caused damage to a towel dispenser as he was infuriated at the fact that there were no towels in it,” according to a news release by Trooper Shawn Askins, who issued the citations. The incident occurred Saturday about 2:50 a.m.

A message left on an answering machine at Reed’s home was not immediately returned.

Reed was cited for disorderly conduct and criminal mischief and sent on his way. I wonder if Reed got home and beat the hell out of his answering machine when there weren’t any messages on it. As for Lynch:

Police said Lynch was arrested Wednesday night after officers approached him and two other men sitting in a 2006 Mercedes-Benz in this Los Angeles suburb and found a loaded firearm.

Lynch was arrested after officers determined the gun belonged to him. He was released that night on $35,000 bail.

Guns and California go together like peanut butter and giraffes, but how do police just “find” a gun? Police have their own guns, and this persecution of millionaire athletes cannot stand. What am I gonna do about it? I’ll get to that a second. Right now I have to investigate something shiny in the hallway.

[Y! Sports]

Bills running back Marshawn Lynch isn’t just a fantasy stud and a 21st century e.e. cummings.   He devotes his entire life to being awesome, as evidenced by his Sporting News Today profile (via TSB, naturally).  Let’s learn a little more about Marshawn together…

What’s on my iPod: Messy Marv, The Jacka, Lil Webbie, Lil’ Boosie, Clyde Clarkson, Hustler, J Stylin, Keak The Sneak and da Farmboyz, Killa Tank, Lee Majors, Mistah F.A.B., 2Pac, Sleepy D.

Sooo… who else feels really white?  I get the feeling we have slightly different playlists.  Nothing, however, can top the selections of the profile that come next.

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Marshawn Lynch rarely updates his Yardbarker blog, so it’s tough to remember to check up on it, especially if you’re as lazy and uninspired as I am. But he did update his site last week before the Bills were handed their first loss of the season. And, as with any post from Beast Mode, it was solid. And it don’t get no better than solid.

whats good yb i no u aint heard from ya boi n a min but im still alive just been chillin tryin get rite for da season….if u dont no we 4-0 rite now and tryin to get 5-0…i need all da buffalo fans to keep it lit for us while we doin our thang and the non buffalo fans to jump on da ban wagon and ride dat thang FASTER…to all da beast mode (Marshawn Lynch) fans to keep dat thang lit too and check ma web page out at www.marshawn23.com….until next time hold ya chin up…..nuh nuh nuh gone

I’m going to be honest. I wish I could write ebonics this fluently. Look at the lack of apostrophes. It’s like a McCarthy novel. Nuh nuh nuh gone, indeed.

[YardBarker]

The Porsche SUV registered to Marshawn Lynch was involved in a hit-and-run accident in Buffalo last weekend, and now it looks like the second-year running back and fan favorite was likely the one behind the wheel.  Two different sources claim that as many as four witnesses saw Lynch hit a woman who was crossing the street.

According to the police report, the SUV… hit a female pedestrian who was attempting to cross the street. Police confirm there was front end damage to the car, and the report says a broken off piece of the car was recovered at the scene and turned in as evidence…

Several staff members of a nearby bar tell us they saw a woman lying in the street for approximately 15 minutes, but they say the woman eventually got up under her own power and walked to an awaiting ambulance.

"Oh!  Did you see that?!?  That chick just got hit by a car!  Do you think she's okay?"  "Well, she's lying in the street.  Let's wait a while to see if she gets up."  "Should we go over and give first aid?"  "Meh."