Soccer Cat Hates Soccer (and Morning Links)

Written by Brandon Stroud / 02.07.12

via OTBS.

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Links

Rob Gronkowski and Matt Light Partied After Last Night’s Super Bowl Loss - I don’t know Gronk personally, but I assume “play football” and “party” are his only two speeds. This is how he expresses sadness. [Brobible]

M.I.A.’s Middle Finger: A Synthetic Scandal - Here’s an idea: if a “mere apology” isn’t enough to make the PTC happy, stop apologizing to the PTC. [Warming Glow]

Nicki Minaj Slowed Down = Jay-Z - The best part of the halftime show was watching Minaj bug her eyes out repeatedly and try so hard not to be the center of attention. [High Definite]

nicki-minaj-halftime-super-bowlEric Rosado Presents “Sh*t Knicks Fans Say” - I wanted to make a “Sh*t Indians Fans Say” so With Leather could get a little traffic, but “we didn’t sign anybody” and “Jason Kipnis is pretty good!” don’t make an entertaining video. [Smoking Section]

Clint Eastwood’s Super Bowl Comercial Contradicting His Political Beliefs? - What about that time he shot a guy with a gun in the old west? Would he shoot someone in real life? Has he ever even lived in the old west? [Moviefone]

Extended Version Of Avengers Super Bowl Trailer Is Here, Sort Of Reveals Who’s In Loki’s Army - I hope there’s a plot point explaining why they undid all the good of Captain America’s 1940s costume and gave him that Morphsuit looking number. [Gamma Squad]

The new Spider-Man looks like a giraffe, wears track shoes - And speaking of bad super hero looks, I hope Spidey can see the Lizard through those pools of urine on his face. [Film Drunk]

The Best Of #Step Brothers - I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home. [UPROXX]

Derpy Louisiana Congressman John Fleming Thinks The Onion Publishes Real News - This is Literally Unbelievable! I hope he never sees the story about the black neighborhood terrorized by an ask murderer. [UPROXX]

18 Jaw Dropping Photos Of Europe’s Deadly Winter - Click here for 23 jaw dropping photos from Bananarama’s Cruel Summer. [Buzzfeed]

SXSW Comedy Podcast Lineup Announced - Awesome, I can finally challenge the Sklar Brothers to a duel with swords. I don’t care, I’ll take them on at the same time, I bet they don’t even know how to use swords. [HuffPost Comedy]

15 of the World’s Weirdest Marriages, ‘I Now Pronounce You… What?!’ - I said “Chuck and Larry”. What, can you not hear me? [The FW]

Why Abed and Troy from Community are the Best Geeks on TV - The Big Bang Theory is the minstrel show of this generation. We need more shows about uncool people who actually exist. [Unreality]

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LeBron Chokes At The Very End Of 2011, Proposes To Girlfriend

Written by Brandon Stroud / 01.02.12

SavannahLeBron

LeBron James apparently didn’t learn anything from Michael Jordan.

From the AP:

LeBron James’ first order of business in 2012: Drop to one knee and ask longtime girlfriend Savannah Brinson to be his wife.

Yes, she said yes.

At least one of them has a ring now!

Moments after ringing in the new year, James surprised his high school sweetheart by popping the question — letting very few people in on the secret beforehand. He did it at a party both to celebrate New Year’s Eve and his 27th birthday, which was Friday.

“My girl, she’s very excited,” James said Sunday night after he and the Miami Heat beat Charlotte 129-90. “She would love to answer more questions about it than me. But she’s happy, my family’s happy and that’s what it’s about.”

Be sure to read the rest of the Associated Press report so you don’t miss out on a national news organization soliciting romantic opinions from both Chris Bosh (“It was nice.”) and Dwyane Wade (“It was very nice.”). Hopefully the wedding party be dressed in nothing but striped sweaters and khakis.

Leave it up to LeBron to not only propose to his girlfriend on a holiday, but on two holidays. Personally, I think proposing to your girlfriend on a holiday is cheating — I know way too many people who decided to double up the ring they bought as a Christmas present. LeBron’s the kind of guy who’d drop an engagement ring in a glass of champagne and tweet about how awesome it is before he’s even given it to her.

In all seriousness, we at With Leather wish LeBron and Savannah have a long, happy, prenuptially agreed-upon marriage filled with love, happiness, and tons and tons of traveling.

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Care About This: Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian Are Getting Divorced

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.31.11

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Are Getting Divorced

Speculation has been running rampant on sites where “Lindsay Lohan has gross teeth” is news for weeks, and it’s about to become official: Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian are divorcing. If you just screamed “GET OUT” and shoved your computer with both hands, you are awesome.

From The Scoop:

TMZ is reporting that Kim K is expected to file for divorce Monday from her husband, and she’ll cite the cause as “irreconcilable differences,” and list the day of separation as Oct. 31, 2011. Also, Ryan Seacrest offered up a tweet confirming the news, saying Kardashian is filing for divorce.

The trouble-in-paradise rumor mill has been churning overtime on this one, and the couple’s decision to spend Halloween apart seemed to be a final nail in the coffin.

I’m pretty mad about the Halloween thing myself, as Kim was dressed as the Batman & Robin version of Poison Ivy but Kris as the COOL PAHTY Arnold Schwarzenegger variant of Mr. Freeze was nowhere to be found.

I think we should look back on the two-ish months of Kardashian-Humphries-Kardashian wedded bliss and consider our lessons learned. The first lesson is that no matter how reprehensible these people seem, no matter how little they deserve to be famous, they are real, living people who deserve the same respect and privacy as you and me. Lesson two is that the E! Network is faker than pro wrestling, and that everyone on it more human than Lou the Chihuahua should be followed around by the “YOU’RE A BIG FAT PHONY” character from ‘Family Guy’ at all times. Lesson three, Kim Kardashian earned $17.9 million to marry a guy, turn it into a series of cable television specials and divorce him 72 days later but it is gay men and women in love who are ruining the sanctity of marriage. Lesson four, the NBA Lockout has gone on long enough for one of its players to get married and divorced. Lesson five, Kim and Reggie Bush are this century’s Romeo and Juliet, except they end up together and everyone around them dies.

Next season on ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’, Kim gets introduced to Tim Tebow and the sparks fly.

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With Leather, With Love: Wedding Well Wishes To Tiger Woods’ Worst Woman

Written by Ashley Burns / 10.05.11

It feels like a decade, but it has only been two years since we were first introduced to Rachel Uchitel, the woman who was the figurative (and probably literal) snowballer to the world’s former No. 1 golfer, Tiger Woods. In fact, in the two years since Uchitel first entered the public eye for her affair with Woods, the man who was once destined to be the greatest golfer of all time has even fallen from the Top 50 of the world golf rankings. And I can’t imagine that Uchitel’s latest announcement will make him any happier.

You see, she got married. Again.

The 36-year-old former ‘No. 1′ lover of the famous golfer exchanged vows with Matt Hahn, who is close to 10 years her junior, In Las Vegas over the weekend.

They got hitched at the famed Little White Chapel while in Sin City for a friend’s nuptials.

‘Rachel and Matt attended a friend’s wedding this weekend and were inspired to tie the knot themselves. It was all very spur of the moment and very romantic,’ a spokesperson tells Radar Online.

Uchitel added: ‘Matt and I were married in front of 12 friends on Sunday night at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, where everyone from Michael Jordan to Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, to Britney Spears were married.

(Via the Daily Mail)

Hot damn, that is some impressive company. I wonder how all those marriages turned out.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Jay Cutler Is Getting Married

Written by Ashley Burns / 04.26.11

Bad news for sorority girls everywhere – everybody’s favorite brah-diddy Jay Cutler is getting married. The Chicago Bears quarterback, who rose to fame during the NFL playoffs earlier this year by playing through a sprained MCL to fall just short of the Super Bowl, proposed to his girlfriend Kristin Cavallari, who is an internationally-renowned fashion icon rising to fame through hard work, talent and dedication.

Hold on, my trusty falcon, Serge, has just returned from fetching my daily news and he has informed me that neither of those descriptions are true. Oh well. So how did it happen, People?

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