Can I borrow the giant Mila cutout when you're done?
Last week, I briefly discussed how ABC should be giving us more Jimmy Kimmel before NBA Finals games than what we’re currently getting. Basically, I want all Kimmel and none of the so-called experts. Give me 100% humor, charm, and celebrities with 0% bargain bin analysis and fart-sniffing pseudo-insight with Mike Wilbon suddenly pretending like he hasn’t spent the last 5 months crapping all over the Miami Heat.
Kimmel proved that he can give us quality comedy wrapped in an NBA theme when he had Roy Hibbert, Jeremy Lin, and the world’s most adorable $3,000 French bulldog on, but last night the talk show host delivered pure gold.
Supporting their new film Ted, Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis reminded us that they’re very good looking. More specifically, Kunis once again looked very much like a girl that should meet my mother, especially as she adorably shot granny-style 3-pointers.
Yes, that’s Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas picking his nose and wiping it on a child’s face. It’s the acting out of how Jose Canseco treated me when I tried to get his autograph when I was 7. (Via Sportress.)
49ers Fans Voted No. 1 In Refusing To Leave A Playoff Game After Being Pepper Sprayed - I don’t care how much football is happening, if I get sprayed with pepper spray I’m either slitting throats or being driven the hell home sobbing. No inbetween. [Bay Bridge Banter]
Your NFL Recap: 10 Things Learned From Championship Sunday - Thing 11: Don’t be Joe Flacco. Thing 12: If Joe Flacco says you should be talking more about Joe Flacco, ignore him and write some more about Tom Brady. Tom Brady is the baddest man on the planet. [Smoking Section]
Caring Is Easy. Apathy Is Work. - Putting this Joe Paterno business into context the only way I understand. Probably the only thing written about this online that made me go “sh*t, he’s totally right”. [@KillPrint]
Puppy Bowl VIII Is Coming: Resistance Is Futile. Prepare For Your Doom - …and only With Leather will have exclusive interviews with the stars. Just kidding, I’m going to put up puppy pictures and have the responses just say arf arf arf. [Pajiba]
TV Gifs Of The Week - I think Lizzy Caplan and Alison Brie is my ultimate fantasy threesome. Wait, no, I take that back, it’s still Gina Carano and Rachel Maddow. Shut up, I have awesome taste. And gender issues. But awesome taste. [Warming Glow]
NBA Dance Party - Just one picture, but one you’ll never forget. I could probably write a novel about it. [Buzzfeed]
Final Fantasy XIII-2 Demo: Finally, Skyrim Meets Pokémon - If modern Finals Fantasy was 10% as fun as either of those games I wouldn’t have abandoned it when Yuna became a pop singing tomb raiding ninja. TELL GOOD STORIES, SQUARE. [Gamma Squad]
Justin Bieber Is Obsessed With The 1996 Mark Wahlberg Film Fear - As we all SHOULD be. I hope if he remakes it he carries over Marky Mark’s accent. His pronunciation of “Mister Walker” as “missaWAHkah” is the best part. OH NO MISSAWAHKAH I WOULD NEVAH DO DAT TO YA DAUGHTAH. [Film Drunk]
The Best Of ‘Parks And Recreation’s’ #Jerry Gergich - Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What’d you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife? [UPROXX]
Bon Jovi + Bon Iver = Bon Joviver - Try this: do an impression of what you think a 6-year old falsetto in a church choir sounds like. There you go, you just sang Bon Iver’s last 15 songs. [UPROXX]
Feminist Jay-Z Is In A Respectful State Of Mind - I appreciate what Jay is trying to do and don’t think we should make fun of it, but Sweet Cooch Brown having the “bombest personality in town” is really funny. P.S. why didn’t you start respecting women when you met your wife? [UPROXX]
NBA Laboratory: Can LeBron Do It All By Himself? - More entertaining and thematically accurate than anything LeBron has done in real life. Robert Awful would be proud. [SB Nation]
Summer Roberts Will Rock Your Pap Smear - I don’t care how pretty Rachel Bilson is (and she’s extremely pretty), being Zach Braff’s worst movie girlfriend and spending 15 years on White People Problems The Show isn’t a cool way to convince me you’re good at things. You’d have less haters if anything you did was good, ever. [Warming Glow]
The Awesome Terminator And Transformers Cosplay Of Peter Kokis - This guy’s thought process is great. “Oh wow, cool, giant robots. I need to DRESS LIKE THEM.” [Gamma Squad]
My 5 Favorite Rapper Cameos On “Chappelle’s Show” - Mos Def is the best rapper cameo on anything, but that could be my undying love for Def Poetry showing. [Smoking Section]
Frotcast 83: Wahlberg-gate, Carnage, & Theater Stories with Comedian Matt Louv - Hey Mark Wahlberg, I wouldn’t masturbate either if I got to meat-kiss teenage Reese Witherspoon in the 90s. Put your life into perspective. COME ON COME ON. [Film Drunk]
Valentine’s Day Advisory: The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag - I need to start using that dismissive wank gif. Just all the time, post stories about the Kardashians or Bieber dunking on Shaq or Baron Davis or almost anyone that brings page traffic and it’s nothing but the wanking gif. [KSK]
35 Unforgivable Facebook Statuses - Some of these took my breath away. I didn’t know a Facebook status could make you facepalm in real life. [Buzzfeed]
The Funniest Twitter Reactions To Rick Perry’s Exit - The best reaction to Rick Perry’s exit is smiling and loving yourself, because you aren’t the kind of person who supports Rick Perry and live in a world where he doesn’t get to be President. Eat a dick, Rick Perry. [HuffPost Comedy]
7 Eerily Accurate Rob Lowe Tweets - He is, literally, God here. [The FW]
Ever Wonder What Snooki Would Look Like Without Makeup? - I think she looks way, way better. Huge upgrade. She looks her age, and doesn’t look like something from Ghoulies. [FARK]
Enjoy the Awesome Introduction Video for the O’Neill Girls 2012 Surf Team - I will! [Brobible]
Over the weekend, my Uproxxian colleague Danger Guerrero sent me a link to an old MTV Rock N Jock Softball clip, and it basically turned my afternoon into a complete waste. I didn’t get pushed into the YouTube wormhole as much as I willingly belly-flopped into the extensive search results for all things Rock N Jock, and I spent a good 4 or 5 hours reliving one of the most important pop cultural influences of my teenage years. After all, which child of the 90s didn’t desperately want to take a 10-point shot or a swing at the gold ball?
According to MTV’s website, the Rock N Jock franchise is alive and well, but that’s a bit misleading. Currently airing on MTV 2 on Saturday mornings, the latest version of Rock N Jock is a series hosted by Todd Richards and “Dirty” as they travel to various extreme sports events to talk to athletes like Shaun White and Ryan Sheckler, which basically sounds like every show that airs on Fuel TV. Clearly, it’s a far cry from the days of the Bricklayers and Violators battling for terrible fashion supremacy.
I’m certainly not the first blogger to get a wild hair and demand that MTV bring back the iconic softball, basketball, football and even bowling contests between actors, musicians and athletes, but as someone who once begged his mom to buy him a Homeboys baseball jersey for Christmas (thank you so much for not listening, mom) I think we’re due for some rematches. If Beavis and Butthead can make a comeback, then Rock N Jock certainly can, too.
I am currently finishing up a guest installment of Warming Glow’s Corgi Friday, so these links will be a little less wordy than usual. That’s probably for the best, isn’t it? We’ve got a lot of cool stuff on our network, so take your time and check it all out. Then, come back to Warming Glow and look at the pictures I took at a corgi party in Austin. THEN, go to the With Leather main page and hit refresh non-stop until it’s time for you to go to bed.
Works Of Art: Rap’s 33 Most Memorable Illustrated Album Covers [Smoking Section]