My friends and I were joking this weekend, as I struggled through watching the UCF Knights blow their game against the Missouri Tigers and the Miami Dolphins really blow their game against the Arizona Cardinals, that I could just do these Faces of ‘Freude (new name, this one’s sticking) posts with pictures of me screaming at bar TVs for three hours every Saturday and Sunday. And yeah, once the Orlando Magic season starts, I may be able to power the entire planet with just my rage. But I’m not sure the world is ready for so many pictures of how handsome I am.

Thankfully, we have Derek Dooley and his derpy dome to fill the void. On the surface, a 3-2 record shouldn’t have a team’s fans searching for the world’s tallest bridge, but Dooley’s Tennessee Volunteers dropped to 0-2 in the SEC after yesterday’s exciting 51-44 loss to the Georgia Bulldogs. I like Dooley and I don’t have any problems with the Vols, so I think it’s encouraging that they’re putting up such a good fight. Hopefully they’ll start winning more so fans can finish washing away the Lane Kiffin stink.

But in the meantime, keep baking those frownies, college football fans.

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Mark Dantonio’s testicular fortitude trumped the speacial teams coaching of Notre Dame’s Brian Kelly on Saturday night, as Dantonio’s call for a fake field goal won the game for the Spartans in OT (never mind that the play should have been flagged down for delay of game, as evidenced by the zeros shown here). Unfortunately, Dantonio’s circulatory system wasn’t able to show the same resolve — about an hour after the game, the Michigan State head coach suffered what is being described as a “minor” heart attack.

[MSU associate athletic director John Lewandowski] got a call at 2:30 a.m. informing him that Dantonio had a heart attack and would be undergoing an angioplasty. Doctors used a small metallic stent to open a blocked blood vessel leading to his heart, a procedure they say is relatively common.

Because everyone in Michigan is fat!

By 3:45 a.m., Lewandowski learned that Dantonio was in the process of having the procedure, and found out after 4 a.m. that Dantonio was out of surgery and resting. A number of his extended family members were in town for the game and had visited him at the hospital. –FreeP.

The procedure went as planned and Dantonio remains in the hospital for observation. This is obviously much more serious than Urban Meyer’s “I’m stepping aside for health reasons-oh-just kidding” maneuver last Christmas.

But still…a minor heart attack? That’s like saying I got a “minor” beejer from Mila Kunis. It still counts, and there’s probably some parallel with plaque there, but I can’t quite finish that joke. I’m too busy looking for something to take care of these “minor” upholstery stains.