When the Los Angeles Lakers traded Lamar Odom to the Dallas Mavericks for a trade exemption, three thoughts crossed my mind:

A) This is obviously a move to clear cap space for the Lakers to bring in Chris Paul and/or Dwight Howard.
2) The Kardashian family and the E! Network must be going absolutely ape sh*t over this news. After all, having Odom and Khloe Kardashian living and playing in L.A. made “Khloe & Lamar” all the more convenient.
III) You know who must love this? Mark Cuban.

That third point is the most important, because, after all, Cuban is a fame whore unlike any other, rivaled in the NBA owners circle only by the Miami Heat’s Mickey Arison, who #humblebrags on Twitter about driving around with Jimmy Buffett on New Year’s Eve and boasts about his latest vacations despite reportedly losing $1.3 billion last year.

Cuban obviously doesn’t love that his defending champions look slow and overwhelmed to start the season 3-4, and he especially can’t love watching Odom struggling to find his role on the team. But he must sure as hell love Kim Kardashian showing up to games to pick out her next $18 million man, like she did last night when her and Khloe feigned delight in signing things for their fans as they watched the Mavs beat the Phoenix Suns, 98-89.

Now, it’s not a certainty that the former Mrs. Humphries was shopping for man meat, but if she was, I’d actually sign off on a relationship with Shawn Marion, because that just seems like the perfect recipe for batsh*t crazy.

"Only half of you will receive paychecks this week. The other half will fight to the death."

Embattled Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt has not only been going through a nasty divorce, but he’s also been fighting with every last ounce of his being to maintain his ownership of the Los Angeles Dodgers. McCourt, who bought the team with his then-wife for $421 million in 2004, has been accused by Major League Baseball of “looting” $189 million of the Dodgers’ assets for his own personal use, and Bud Selig and league officials have acted accordingly and issued a punishment that will make all owners shake in their alligator-skinned, gold-tipped boots.

The league has finally crushed McCourt’s will to fight, and he has agreed to sell the team, the stadium and all related property for a pathetic $1 billion. WHAT A LOSER!

“The Los Angeles Dodgers and Major League Baseball announced that they have agreed today to a court-supervised process to sell the team and its attendant media rights in a manner designed to realize maximum value for the Dodgers and their owner, Frank McCourt. The Blackstone Group LP will manage the sale process.”

(Via the Los Angeles Times)

In reality, McCourt won’t make a profit off of this sale after he pays off his ex-wife, the family of Bryan Stow, and settles the rest of his debts, but in a fair world, failed ventures like this should be met with justice. McCourt should have to start over with nothing while an elementary school janitor hands him a mop and wishes him the best before a kid pukes all over his leg. Man, that would be glorious.

Instead, McCourt will fade into the sunset with a few hundred million dollars to his name, and whatever he’s hiding in the Caribbean and Switzerland, and a new owner will ride into town. And just as they were a few months ago, Dodgers fans are praying that new owner is Mark Cuban, who remains interested in purchasing the team, which is awesome for the sport, but terrible for my blood pressure and prayer of Albert Pujols staying in St. Louis.

We don’t cover clips from ‘The Colbert Report’ as much as our friends at UPROXX, but last night’s sports-rich segment, starting with the NFL fining Troy Polamalu for concussion-dialing his wife on the sideline and ending with Colbert’s second pro-NBA-owner Colbert Super PAC ad (with Mark Cuban’s face superimposed on the American flag), was glorious and needs to be shared.

I won’t pretend I can say it better than Colbert. Here’s the accompanying press release for the video:

Colbert Super PAC has decided to take its talents to a new TV ad about the ongoing NBA contract negotiations. The spot, entitled “Ball Gag,” attacks NBA Commissar David Stern’s “gag rule,” which bars team owners like Mark Cuban from talking to press, friends, or even their own spouses.

The spot, the second in a planned quadrilogy, is made possible by a generous donation from Colbert Super PAC S.H.H., an independent nonprofit which does not reveal its benefactors’ names, donation amount, or what (if any) NBA team they own.

“My beloved game of ball-in-hoop is in danger, and David Stern is throwing elbows, kneecapping team owners right in the mouth.” said Stephen Colbert, President and MVP for Colbert Super PAC and Colbert Super PAC S.H.H. “You know who else supports Cuban censorship? Fidel Castro. It seems to me that Commissioner Stern needs to either grow a beard, or let owners speak their minds.”

You can check out the rest of the press release after the jump. He’s totally right, I turn to that Fort Worth station I don’t get in Austin for all of my Texas news.

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Two more weeks of the 2011-12 NBA season were canceled yesterday because the owners and players are still so far apart in their current labor negotiations. I’m confused, though, because David Stern has already made so many empty threats that I can’t remember if this is another two weeks on top of the first two weeks that were canceled, or if this is two weeks after Christmas day, since he said that games were going to be canceled through that after he left last week’s meetings with “the flu.”

Either way, instead of trying to actually reach an agreement, the league and owners are still engaged in a greater game of finger pointing. Today’s latest blame game involves Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban and players union executive director Billy Hunter. The players and Hunter are saying that Cuban proposed a new deal that eliminated the salary cap completely, instead increasing taxes on teams that spend beyond a certain amount. Cuban can’t comment, so of course we’re going to get some mumbo jumbo from NBA senior vice president Mike Bass.

“On behalf of the league, Mark Cuban proposed adding a new salary cap exception, not eliminating the salary cap,” Bass said. “It was the union that, in response, proposed eliminating the salary cap, a proposal that was even worse for the NBA than the union’s prior proposals.”

(Via the Wall Street Journal)

I assume that Bass is explaining things now because Stern’s flu got so bad that he slipped into a coma. Wait, was his eye just open? I could have sworn it looked like his eye was open. Oh no, NBA deputy commissioner Adam Silver has the flu, too, and now he’s slipped into a coma. Man, it’s only a matter of time before the whole league is sick and dying from this outbreak.

In the meantime, you can listen to Hunter’s comments on Bill Simmon’s podcast if you’re brave enough. Bass claims that Hunter was spreading a lot of misinformation in it, while Hunter claims that he’s spot on. I guess what I’m trying to say is, who’s ready for some NHL posts?

It looks like Funny Or Die has officially embraced the longstanding Tosh.0 tradition of cramming your funny video full of sports celebrities to get it covered everywhere on the Internet — just a week after they recast Dennis Haysbert as Terrence Mann in a Twilight-flavored Field of Dreams sequel, Funny Or Die has revisited the Kenny Powers K-Swiss endorsement by having him take over the company and stock it with everyone from Matt Cassel to Rey Mysterio.

Watch the full video below, with two major warnings:

1. It is extremely funny, and
2. It features Kenny Powers, so please anticipate the foul language and adult situations that result.

This includes boob mugs and high-fiving dead animals.

Because this is also television related, be sure to head over to Warming Glow and watch all the awesome follow-up and behind-the-scenes videos that go along with it. Who knew you could bottle the scent … of boner?

[h/t Cajun Boy]

When Mark Cuban purchased the Dallas Mavericks from Ross Perot Jr. in 2000, he allowed Perot to maintain a 5% ownership stake in the team. Cuban admits to this day that having to deal with Perot as a partner in any capacity is the worst thing that he’s ever had to deal with in business. That’s probably because Perot filed a lawsuit against Cuban last year, claiming that he had mismanaged the team to approximately $200 million in debt and to the brink of insolvency.

Cuban, of course, called that claim absurd last year and he responded to the allegations by accusing Perot of trying to milk him for money because of his own mishandling of a bad real estate deal. But things are just a tiny bit different now that Cuban and the Mavericks are World Champions. Cuban’s attorneys filed a motion for summary judgment for dismissal this week and you know that Cuban did it in the most Cuban way imaginable.

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