Hoo Boy, The Internet Really, Really Hates Miami Marlins Owner Jeffrey Loria

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.14.12

If you didn’t see enough of it last night as the news initially broke, you’re going to see plenty of columns, editorials and fiery rants today about how Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is a scumbag because he is willingly killing his second baseball franchise because he’s horrible at what he does. And many of them will be great – I like this effort by Yahoo!’s Jeff Passan and this more subtle rundown by Deadspin – because as much as writers, analysts and experts love to argue about every little meaningless thing in sports, hatred for Loria runs deep within the majority. Jeffrey Loria destroyed the Montreal Expos and now he is destroying the Miami Marlins. That’s pretty much all you need to know.

So why? Why did the Marlins trade Jose Reyes, Josh Johnson, John Buck, Emilio Bonifacio and Mark Buehrle to the Toronto Blue Jays for Yunel Escobar and several prospects that don’t even include Toronto’s best? Was it a brilliant move to clear money? Was it an admittance of mistakes in even signing Reyes and Buehrle in the first place? Was it just the same old fire sale that we’ve come to expect from the Marlins? Or is it more likely the story of a man under investigation by the SEC for allegedly fleecing the city of Miami in the construction of a new baseball stadium that he couldn’t even fill with a stable of stars because he already created a product so tainted within the community that people refuse to buy in until his stink is washed away?

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The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Miami Marlins

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.09.12

ozzie-guillen-fidel-castro

Ozzie Guillen said some bad things. It wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last, but this one had a little more despot flattering than most, so it’s a big deal.

Of course, we at The Dugout believe in freedom of speech, so if Ozzie wants to say that Fidel Castro is better at skateboarding than Tony Hawk it should be his constitutional right as an American Sports Person Of Interest to do so. It should also be my right to explain why he said it in somewhat-antiquated chatroom form.

So here we are. The Ozzie Guillen Loves Fidel Castro Dugout is after the jump.

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Mark Buehrle Wanted Michael Vick To Get Hurt

Written by samerochocinco / 02.11.11

Everyone knows Mark Buehrle and his wife love dogs. A couple months ago, he saved a dog with an arrow stuck in it and made sure it found a good home. It’s not surprising that Buehrle doesn’t like Michael Vick, but the fact that he wanted him to get hurt while he was playing in the NFL this season?
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Mark Buehrle Is A Dog’s Best Friend

Written by Ashley Burns / 12.27.10

As a fan of the St. Louis Cardinals, I’m generally regarded as more intelligent, classy, handsome and naturally toned and defined than fans of other baseball teams. Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle is also a lifelong Cardinals fan, making him equally outstanding but slightly less good looking. But Buehrle wins the Opposite of Michael Vick Award for 2010, as he footed a $3,000 veterinarian bill for Shelby, a stray Sheltie that was found wandering in St. Louis with an arrow lodged in her stomach. Sadly, it was not for an incredibly adorable comedy routine.

Shelby survived her emergency surgery, as she had serious damage to her intestines, and she immediately became a local media darling with over 90 applications submitted by families looking to adopt her. In the end, a family with kids took Shelby in, and I like to think that Albert Pujols found the person who shot the arrow and used his nuts for batting practice.

Who’s a good widdle family full of wuv, Chicago Sun-Times

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BUEHRLE WAS PERFECT FOR A BIT LONGER…

Written by JOSH Z / 07.29.09

Most of you probably remember Mark Buehrle’s perfect game from Friday, which was probably pretty boring through the first few innings, but anyway…Last night Buehrle picked up where he left off, retiring the first 17 batters he faced before coughing up five runs to the Minnesota Twins and picking up a loss.

The Twins scored all five of their runs in Buehrle’s final two-thirds of an inning to pick up their third straight victory and move into a tie with the White Sox for second place in the American League Central, two games back of the division-leading Tigers.

“We’ve faced this guy so many times and we’ve watched him pitch so many times,” Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said. “It’s a race track out there, and all we were saying in the dugout is, ‘Slow down. You’ve got to slow him down a little bit, because once he gets on a roll like that, he can mow right through you.’” via.

On the bright side, Buehrle just saved himself 25 bottles’ worth of Crown Royal XR. It’s tough to throw a no-hitter in a ballpark that uses two-ply Hefty bags for its outfield walls. Actually, I don’t know if that’s true. I just felt like taking a little dig at the Metrodome. The Twins’ win puts them in a second-place tie with the Sox. And then this is when some guy driving a Camaro drives up and screams, “Second place is the first loser!” That’s nice, Camaro guy. Now pull out your abacus so I can calculate which loser you are. Oh, you don’t have an abacus? Then I guess these empty cans of PBR in your passenger seat will do.

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MARK BUEHRLE THREW A PERFECT GAME

Written by JOSH Z / 07.23.09

White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle faced 27 batters this afternoon and retired all of them. Buehrle threw the second no-hitter of his career against the Rays, winning today in Chicago, 5-0. The perfect game was saved in the ninth when Gabe Kapler led off with a deep drive to left-center, forcing Dewayne Wise to make a leaping catch to preserve the game for Buehrle and rob Kapler of a home run.

Video’s after the jump. If it doesn’t give you goosebumps, then I’m not sure we could be friends anymore. Read the rest of this entry »

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