Patrick Willis obviously listens to Kenny F*cking Powers.

Kenny Powers isn’t perfect. I know, I spit out my Mountain Dew and bourbon when I wrote that, too. But it’s true. He’s a man who has made mistakes after tasting legend status, and he’s paid the greatest price for his arrogance in taking his God-given talent for granted. America, though, is about second chances and stories of redemption. That’s why when some people see Kenny as a man who hates foreigners, the truth is that he just loves American and feels “that America is the best country and the other countries aren’t as good.” Patriotism, indeed.

As Kenny continues his baseball renaissance and his climb back to the top, where he will wear the Scream mask all he wants, he has been given the unbelievable honor of becoming the first ever Mother F*cking CEO of K-Swiss. And his appointment is already changing the lives of thousands of professional athletes and millions of aspiring athletes. For once, thanks to Kenny Powers, his incredible motivational speaking ability and his opus, K-Swiss Blades – you’re f*cking in.

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Picture semi-related.

While the world picked between the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Jets in yesterday’s AFC Championship game, Mark Sanchez picked his nose and wiped it on Mark Brunell. The Steelers, of course, went on to win the game 24-19 and will play in their third Super Bowl in six years, but because I have the mind of a 5th grader, I’m only focused on Sanchez’s booger wiping. And yes, I did win a prize for being the 1 millionth person to make a Dirty Sanchez joke. What did I win? *points to crotch*

Players notoriously play pranks on each other, so I’m sure this was a good-natured ribbing between the Jets starting QB and his veteran backup. But come on, Sanchez! Act like you’ve wiped a booger on a guy before. Only an amateur gets busted. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady would have not only wiped their boogers on their backups without them noticing, but they would have put them on their faces. Sure, you beat them both in the playoffs, but did you win what really matters? No sir. You have a lot of learning left to do, Mark.

Video after the jump…

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It's a metaphor.

Three time Pro Bowl quarterback Mark Brunell is hoping to get more protection from the federal government than he could ever get from the Redskins offensive line, as the former Jaguars star is expected to file for bankruptcy later today. Brunell, who plans to sign with the New York Jets late next month, made 52 million dollars throughout the course of his career. He never could adapt to the salary of a clipboard holder, he was just so used to the starter life style.

Abel Harding of the Florida Times-Union reports that Brunell plans to make the filing today, despite earning $52 million during his career.

The tipping point seems to be multiple lawsuits resulting from failed business loans for which Brunell and others co-signed. The fact, however, that the total liability under those claims falls in the neighborhood of $3.3 million suggests that Brunell hasn’t squirreled away much, if any, of the money he made while playing. To qualify for bankruptcy protection, assets can’t exceed debts. Thus, Brunell necessarily has less money than he owes. –PFT

Failed business ventures, Mark? Really? If you’re going to lose 52 million, the least you could do is spend it yourself. Giving things to others is so overrated, that is, unless you’re giving someone a venereal disease. Why, Mark must be as crazy as Crazy John from Tire House and Rims. Read the rest of this entry »

This is Steve Czaban asking Mark Brunell about the prospect of the Redskins starting Jason Campbell.

"Hey Matt, you're not very good at your job and your website sucks. Should you be replaced?"

"Great question, Steve. The answer is absolutely, yes. I've been looking for more reasons to kill myself."