"Give me THIS much money."

Mario Williams, the first overall selection by the Houston Texans in the 2006 NFL Draft, and one of the more prominent free agents this offseason, has agreed to a contract with the Buffalo Bills. The deal is the largest ever for a defensive player, and my sources in Buffalo have confirmed to me that “now he totally has money leaking out his butt and stuff.” From ESPN:

Mario Williams on Thursday agreed to a six-year deal with the Buffalo Bills that’s potentially worth $100 million and includes $50 million guaranteed, a league source told ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter.

It’s the richest deal for a defensive player in NFL history.

The Bills have called a 1:30 p.m. ET news conference to introduce the newest member of their defense, who joins a fearsome defensive line that also includes 2011 first-round pick Marcell Dareus and Pro Bowler Kyle Williams.

How much extra do you think Buffalo had to pay him to play there as opposed to, say, Miami? Probably a lot. Nothing personal against the citizens of western New York (luv ur wings, bros), but, I mean, if I were a 27-year-old millionaire, I would take way, WAY less to play somewhere a little more aesthetically pleasing. Maybe he felt he couldn’t turn down the extra cash, or maybe he thinks this provides him the best chance to win a championship over the next few years, but I assure you, if I were Mario Williams, I would have sent my agent a list of questions including: 1) Can I go to Miami? 2) Does Hawaii have a team? 3) If not, can we start a team there? 4) Not Buffalo. 5) I want to buy a helicopter.

I would be a terrible free agent.

Yeah, that’s more or less my reaction, too.

New York City policeman turned NFL reporter for the Houston Chronicle John McClain reports that the injury that caused Houston Texans linebacker Mario Williams to leave Sunday’s game against the Oakland Raiders is a torn pectoral muscle that will require surgery and keep him out of action for the remainder of the 2011 season. The torn muscle happened while Williams was sacking Oakland QB Jason Campbell, and almost every report says Williams walked to the locker room under his own power like the pectoral muscle is in his leg.

The Texans are suffering an almost San Francisco Giants-like string of injuries to star players like Andre Johnson and Arian Foster this season, one Sports Illustrated attempts to put into context:

Big picture, the significant injury to Williams could change the landscape of an already-reeling AFC South. The Colts (0-5) and the Jaguars (1-4) have fallen off the pace to start the season, with Houston and Tennessee tied at 3-2. However, with Peyton Manning on the shelf, this looked like by far the Texans’ best opportunity to claim a division title and their first-ever playoff berth.

That’s a depressing blurb, isn’t it? “This looked like …” The silver lining here, depending on how you look at it, is that the Texans drafted University of Arizona Wildcat Brooks Reed and get to remove his training wheels and ride him around the NFL. McClaine chimes in, via Twitter:

Like Mario, Reed is learning a new position: 3-4 OLB who drops down in passing situations. Texans look smart drafting Reed.

Hopefully next Monday’s day of posting won’t include a big “BROOKS REED INJURED BY RAVENS, OUT FOREVER WITH SEVERED LOWER BODY”.

Last night the NFL Network aired yet another game I really would have preferred to have on one of 12 screens at a sports bar on Sunday.  I didn't catch a second of it, but the Texans walloped the Broncos 31-13 to make it back to .500 and keep their slim hopes for the playoffs alive.  More importantly, they looked good doing it.  Love the red unis, Houston.

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to Texans' management.  Like most other people with eyes who uses those eyes to occasionally watch college football, I thought Houston was insane to pass on Reggie Bush to draft Mario Williams #1 overall in 2006.  Well, right now I'm in therapy to recover from the experience of having Bush on my fantasy team, while Williams notched 3.5 sacks last night to raise his season total to 13.  Houston Texans: you are smart, I am dumb.  I will reserve my future judgments about your team to Sage Rosenfels's goofy face.

Oh yeah, and Bryant Gumbel missed the game with a "sore throat."  Awful Announcing's live blog has plenty of love for stand-in Tom Hammond, and maybe if we band together and bitch about Gumbel loudy enough we can get him fired like we did with Theismann.  But I wouldn't count on it.  The NFL doesn't give a shit about its fans.  It's like the prettiest girl in school that way.  "Once she sees I'll do anything for her, she's bound to respect me!"