Yesterday’s edition of Watch This made a bold prediction that the Miami Heat would defeat the Indiana Pacers by 2,000 points in Game 7 of the NBA Easter Conference Finals. The Pacers took Game 6 with embarrassing ease, so of course the end of the story is “the Heat get their shit together and win by as much as humanly possible.” It wasn’t by 2,000, but it was by 23, and that’s still pretty bad.

If you missed the game (because you were watching hockey, or guys pretend to underwear fight each other) don’t worry … we’ve collected the five moments from the game you couldn’t afford to miss.

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Mario Chalmers finally recorded a rap song, and it’s got everything. Lens flares! Exploding pillars of flame! Big Boi’s sunglasses! Lay-up similes! Mario Chalmers dribbling a basketball in street clothes! An inflated sense of self-worth, as if he’s not totally the B.J. Armstrong of his team!

The only question is, “is it better than Kevin Druant’s rap song?” I want to say no (he doesn’t say “urrbody” enough), but I’ll let you be the judge. UNTITLED MARIO CHALMERS BASKETBALL-THEMED CLUB BANGER is after the jump.

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Yesterday, we shared with you comedian Jay Pharoah’s epic, pitch-perfect takedown of Stephen A. Smith during Saturday night’s Weekend Update segment on SNL. It was the kind of thing they need to do more of, in both “do good impressions of people who aren’t on CNN” and “let Jay Pharoah be on your show” interpretations of a thing.

But the fun doesn’t stop there! SportsCenter made the moment even better by filming Actual Stephen A. Smith’s reaction to the impression as he watched it, and it’s the perfect mixture of SAS brush-off and facepalming to let you know he’s a good sport, but he’s also going to sit somewhere by himself a little later and contemplate how life has brought him here.

The wonderful video is below.

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Capitalizing on three Aaron Rodgers interceptions, the Saints ran away with a Monday Night Football game that went from first-half shootout to second-half execution shooting, winning 51-29 thanks to an offensive onslaught powered by Drew Brees.  Brees completed 20 of his 26 passes for 323 yards and four touchdowns, picking apart the heralded (and wildly overrated) Packers secondary.

But, since it was Monday Night Football and the Packers were playing, the story wasn’t really about Brees and the Saints.  According to Tony Kornheiser, this game was all about Brett Favre.  “Hey Jaws, don’t the Packers HAVE to be wondering about whether they made the right move by trading FAVRE?”  Repeat that sentence for three hours, and you’ll have the gist of last night’s transcript.

I try not to complain about announcers, because anything after the combination of Joe Theismann and Mike Patrick is a gift, but Jesus Harold Christ is Kornheiser horrible at his job.  Just try to sit through MNF without booze.  I dare you.

After the jump: Roman Harper helps Greg Jennings remove his cleats. Read the rest of this entry »

Earlier this week, former Kansas stars Darrell Arthur and Mario “Super Nintendo” Chalmers were kicked out of the NBA’s rookie camp and fined $20,000 apiece.  The details:

Security at the resort near New York where the event took place found Arthur and Chalmers in a room with two women, and the scent of marijuana was detected. No drugs or drug paraphernalia were found, but having guests in the room violated NBA policy, and the two rookies were sent home.

Arthur and Chalmers apologized but denied using marijuana. Next year they’ll have to again attend the symposium, which addresses the challenges of making the transition to pro ball.

I think now would be a good time for everyone to freak out and have a hugely overblown reaction to this photo (full size thumbnailed below) of Chalmers with new Heat rookie teammate Michael Beasley in which Chalmers is holding what appears to be a small blunt, which — if my sources are correct — is a kind of “marihuana cigarette.”

I, for one, am shocked and outraged.  It’s always been my understanding that professional athletes, particularly NBA athletes, would never put illegal drugs into the temples that are their bodies.  Especially not something as addictive and damaging as marijuana.  Somebody call the police!  Stop these monsters before they hurt our children!

I'm a fan of the commercials for NFL Network (I especially identify with this one, you fucking Time Warner cocksuckers), and, just for fun, I want to revisit one of the ads from last year. 

The clip above pokes fun at how none of us expected the Saints to be any good in 2006, and it was funny and incisive a year ago.  Now these people seem like wise fortune tellers sent back in time to warn me against drafting Brees and Bush in my fantasy league.  Um, except they come from the past.  And they didn't really warn me.  Fuckers.  Hmmm, on second thought, I hate NFL Network commercials.