Hiking — or, as the Marines call it, "humping" — isn't a sport, but it's certainly an outdoor activity that requires physical exertion, so I'm posting this video.  It's the kind of parameter-expansion I have to enact on slow-ass days like this, when athletes decide they don't want to get arrested or screw celebrities.  Jerks.

Anyway, for those of you unfamiliar with Marine Corps basic training, the use of first person singular is frowned upon.  Saying I, me, or my can send drill instructors into a rage that will ensure you DIE WITH DAMN DISCIPLINE.  Enjoy.  And if you want to play along, well… Marines.com is always open.

Mr. T appears in this Snickers commercial that features three of my favorite things: tanks, TV stars from the '80s, and fool-pitying.  I guess soccer kind of figures in there, too, as well as satisfying candy treats, but neither of those are nearly as cool as tanks… even though this tank in particular is the pitifully outdated Soviet-made T-55.

(I saw this clip on The Offside, but did The Offside know what kind of tank that is?  No.  And you know why?  Because I'm the only sports blogger who's actually blown up a T-55.  Advantage: me.  And if you're wondering if my cock is huge: yes.  Yes it is.) 

I don't think I've ever met someone who listens to Don Imus (note: former Marine), but here's the old weirdo reflecting on the NCAA Women's basketball championship, which apparently happened sometime recently.  For the record, according to Imus: Rutgers team — tattooed, nappy-headed, ho-ish qualities; Tennessee players — cute.  So I guess it's good that the cute team won.

The clip ends with Billy Packer's "fag out" comments on Charlie Rose, which may or may not be a big deal depending on when you were born or how gay you are.

Clip via Loser with Socks.  And yes, it's a video-heavy day here because I'm traveling again. 

A Minnesota family living about 60 miles south of Minneapolis is trying to create an obstacle course for tanks and armored vehicles.

Tony Borglum and his family want to let customers drive tanks, scout cars and armored personnel carriers through an obstacle course that would likely feature small hills and varying terrain, according to their application for a permit from Waseca County… Borglum has imported four armored vehicles from England, and may add four more soon. The cannons on the vehicles have been disabled.

I have an idea.  Wanna drive a tank obstacle course?  Do it the old-fashioned way: sign this contract.  You can drive over bone-jarring berms, crush cars in a manner that makes monster trucks look like bitches, knock vans into ditches, fell telephone poles, drive through concrete walls, and the final test involves maneuvering through a minefield and crossing over a partially detonated bridge that may or may not hold up while you traverse it.  And you do it sleep-deprived and under fire. 

But no, have a lark in your silly playground, rich assholes.  Military vehicles are frivolous family fun.  Whee!

The best part about writing this blog is that when two of the best teams in the English Premier League play each other, I don't have to do anything time-consuming like watch the game and provide you with thoughtful commentary. All I have to do is find the YouTube of Chelsea's John Terry getting kicked in the face by Arsenal's Abou Diaby.

The only people who are really going to get this are our brave troops and noble veterans, but all I can think about after watching that is a Marine Corps/Army running cadence called "When I get to Heaven." In the song, the soldier goes to hell and speaks to Satan. When Satan asks him what he did with his life, the soldier says, "I replied with a BOOT to his face! / Earned my livin' layin' souls to waste!"

Tell me that's not awesome.

Anyway, Terry's okay, and he'll probably play in Chelsea's next game, even though there are reports that he swallowed his tongue when this happened. Pretty sweet. 

Not long after 9/11, I deployed to Egypt for a month. It sucked; there was nothing but sand. When it finally came time for us to leave, an Arab drove our bus to the airfield. Along the way he plowed headlong into a crowded square, honking and narrowly missing pedestrians and donkeys. On the highway, going about 50 miles an hour, he pulled within inches of another car in order to bum a smoke from a fellow motorist.

Which is to say — at the risk of making cultural stereotypes — Arabs don't have quite the same traffic safety standards as Americans.

Source: We Are The Postmen