Maria Sharapova is on the cover of the January/February issue of Women’s Health, and I have to say, the accompanying photo spread is a little disappointing.  She’s not wearing two pounds of eye makeup or showing lots of skin or even posing suggestively.  It’s like Women’s Health isn’t even trying to attract the chauvinistic male audience.  Well, Miss Fancypants Magazine, you can just go ahead and keep reinforcing positive body images using strong role models for young women and see where THAT gets you.

Full spread after the jump.  Also included: the catsuit Maria wore to the 2005 Espy Awards.  Why?  Because I can.

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Here’s Maria Sharapova in this month’s or next month’s or some month’s Spanish GQ, and I don’t speak Spanish, but my boner seems to understand the point of the feature.  Holy moley it’s amazing the way some makeup and a stylist and sexy heels and a good photographer make her a hundred times hotter than she already is.  Actually, I guess it’s not all that amazing.  Makeup and stylists and sexy heels and a good photographer make any chick way hotter.  So I guess the lesson for the ladies here is never leave the house without makeup and a stylist and sexy heels and a good photographer.  And if you feel the need to get a boob job just for good measure, hey, knock yourself out.  Better safe than not sexy.

[Fan IQ; video after the jump]

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Maria Sharapova has been at New York’s Fashion Week, and she ended up sitting next to Olympic champion Nastia Liukin at the Peter Som show, whatever that is.  Also pictured in the front row: actresses Kate Mara and Elizabeth Banks.  Newsday (via SbB) says:

[Sharapova nd Liukin] mugged for the paparazzi before the show, chatting until the lights went down, and then Nastia watched the models strut by — giving most and up-and-down and keeping a placid smile on her face … a far more sedate reaction than that of actress Elizabeth Banks, who sat on the gymnast’s other side visibly oohing and ahhing.

Also pictured in the photo collection below: Sharapova at the Herve Leger show and Alicia Sacramone at the BCBG show.  And Sacramone brought her silver medal.  Yeah, way to parade that around, Alicia.  Coulda been a gold if you could land on your feet, you know.  Oh, what am I saying?  I’m sorry.  I could never stay mad at you.

It wasn't enough for Alla Kudryavtseva, the 154th ranked player in the world, to deal a massive upset to the pneumatic and pneumatic-drill-sounding Maria Sharapova at Wimbledon. No, the 20-year-old Russian felt the need to dis the designer duds of her fellow countrywoman. 

But there was worse to come, for Kudryavtseva, who is not one of the glamour girls of tennis, said that Sharapova’s status as a fashion icon had got under her skin. “It’s very pleasant to beat Maria,” she said. “I don’t like her outfit. Can I put it this way? It was one of my motivations to beat her.”

[Sucks on teeth] Nuh-uh. I know you did not. That's some triflin' shit, gurl.

And "not one of the glamour girls of tennis" is a fine euphemism for sunken-faced prickletwat. But I can't say that kind of looks-based animosity is exclusive to women. That's why Ufford's so hard on my editing skills. He's just jealous of this small face on my big head. Don't worry, Matt, you'll be the glamour girl of blogging someday.

Maria Sharapova was ousted in the second round of Wimbledon today, falling to unseeded, unknown, and un-hot Ally Kudryavtseva 6-2, 6-4.  It was Sharapova's earliest exit from a Grand Slam event since 2003, her first full season on the WTA tour.

Experts blame the loss on Sharpova's 22 unforced errors and 8 double faults, while I say it was those fugly-ass Mickey Mouse shorts and mesh tuxedo top.  Good fucking riddance.

As promised, Maria Sharapova shunned the traditional flattering tennis dress in favor of extremely ugly shorts at Wimbledon yesterday.  She paired it with a tuxedo-inspired top because, hey, Wimbledon's dressy and shit.  From the wire report:

"I'm very inspired by menswear this year," Sharapova said.

Inspired by men swear?!?  Lady, have I got the website for you!  What?  Oh.  Well, that's not nearly as fun.

"Every year at Wimbledon I want to do something classy. I've never worn shorts before at a Grand Slam and Wimbledon is the place to do it."

Well, this should resolve the falling out I had with my sister about what I wore to her wedding.  She said a tuxedo shirt with the sleeves cut off WASN'T classy.