Asylum has a great rundown on the women competing at the All England Club for the Wimbledon championship this weekend. It’s airing on ESPN2, satisfying the weekday afternoon fan jones for televised sports. Seriously, I’m launching the National Hide-And-Seek League and all of our games are gonna be on weekday afternoons. And no, we’re not having a salary cap, either. What do you think this is? Russia?

Speaking of Russians, here’s a quick gallery we put together of Maria Kirilenko, who won her first round match against Petra Kvitova. But unfortunately, she’s going to have a much tougher opponent in the second round. My boner.

|thanks to Keith for the panda img; keep ‘em coming|

In an attempt to offset the impossible standards of feminine perfection laid out by the supermodels in every Swimsuit Issue, SI nobly invites female athletes to model swimwear as well.  That way, any girls who might pick up the issue can not only feel less pretty than the models, but also less in shape than the athletes.  I blame society, for allowing regular women to eat so much.

Anyway, three of this year’s featured athlete-models are WTA stars Daniela Hantuchova (above), Maria Kirilenko, and Tatiana Golovin.  Nothing as hot as Anna Kournikova, no one as talented as Maria Sharapova, but all told still very nice to look at.  Hey, it’s attractive women on the beach in bikinis.  I’d have to be some kind of ungrateful asshole to bitch about that.  More pics and links below.

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Shut up! I told you IT WAS COLD OUTSIDE!!!

The Australian Open began on Sunday, and like any major tournament, the early rounds are the best, because that’s when all the hot chicks are still playing.  Um, I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a Venus Williams-Amelie Mauresmo final?  **changes channel to infomercial**

Anyway, below you’ll find a gallery that includes (in order) Ana Ivanovic, Maria Kirilenko, Anna Chakvetadze, Caroline Wozniacki, Daniela Hantuchova, the Czech Republic’s Iveta Benesova, and Monika Wejnert of Australia.  Wanna know who’s won and lost so far?  Too bad, the only results you get here are sexy results.

Oh hey, does anyone know when the men’s tournament starts?  Do they even still play it?

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The cool thing about the early days of any big tennis tournament is that all the hot chicks haven't been knocked out yet.  In a week and a half we'll get something like a Serena Williams-Amelie Mauresmo final and I'd have a better chance of getting a boner at a WNBA game.

But for now, things are good: Maria Sharapova in traditional white, Jelena Jankovic and her sweaty boobs in the pink dress, Nicole Vaidisova in Reebok red, Ana Ivanovic slightly nipply in blue, Daniela Hantuchova's furry face framed with a pink visor, Maria Kirilenko in the mustard skirt, and Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with the candlestick.

Some people act all huffy about posts like this because female tennis players are often six feet tall or have huge arm muscles or look like men.  They get mad because they can't masturbate to the pictures, but that means they're just not trying hard enough.  Listen, if these don't work for you, either wait for the next post or tighten the belt around your neck.