There was a point in the second half of last night’s NCAA men’s basketball championship game that I found myself wondering, “Hey self, is this game on track to become what most people on the Twitters will call one of the worst national championship games in recent history?” Thankfully, the Kansas Jayhawks made one of their trademark late runs to chop a 16-point Kentucky Wildcats lead down to 5, making it a slightly above average title game.

And that’s about all there is to it, because terrible ball-handling by the Jayhawks in the last three minutes allowed the Wildcats to win their first title since 1998 and the 8th in program history, according to the really lame “GR8NESS” thing all the fans were doing. But congrats to Kentucky fans, unless they keep setting their cities on fire, in which case you guys are setting a poor example for the students of schools with terrible basketball programs.

As for the star of this game, UK’s Anthony Davis, he probably had the most amazing 6-point effort we’ll ever hear about, because his 16 rebounds and 6 blocks show just how amazing he might possibly one day be, depending on whether he stays at Kentucky or becomes the guy that Michael Jordan passes on as the No. 1 pick in the NBA Draft.

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Well, friends, here we are. As the R&B quartet Boys II Men once crooned, “It’s the end of the road, and I something something something” and for the NCAA Tournament, we have indeed reached the end of the road with tonight’s championship game between the No. 1 Kentucky Wildcats and the No. 2 Kansas Jayhawks. Of course, these are the two teams that I picked to be in this title game since the beginning of the season, but I’m not here to brag.

I’ll be back at it for one last chat-stravaganza for tonight’s game, and unlike during Saturday’s action, I will have Internet access. Serious question – do the people who run Las Vegas intentionally want people to have no cell phone coverage? It was incredible how rarely I couldn’t find a signal to even Tweet about the random douchery that I witnessed and may have even possibly participated in.

But mainly, I wanted to convey the insanity of a Vegas sports book during one of the biggest days of the sports year, and it was pretty much what I expected – a bunch of old dudes and degenerates pouting and checking their senses of humor at the door. I dare any of you to go to a sports book in Vegas tonight and make jokes about Anthony Davis’ unibrow. You’ll get a handful of grunts and a few death stares, if they’re in a good mood.

As for the actual game itself – AKA the reason we’re all here – let’s break it down…

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You can barely notice the photoshopping.

I can’t believe the Final Four is already here. It seems like just yesterday I was telling my friends how Missouri was the most complete team and if the Tigers could get past Michigan State, then the championship was as good as theirs. That’s because that was yesterday, and I haven’t stopped bitching about how this stupid NCAA Tournament didn’t start properly and they should have started it over the moment that Norfolk State screwed everything up. Damn it, if I could re-start Contra because I didn’t enter the cheat code in time, then I should be able to demand that 600 student athletes postpone their studies for one more week for the sake of my mild gambling habits.

But that’s the power of the tourney, friends. Very little has made sense thus far, except that the Kentucky Wildcats are as unstoppable as everyone but Ashley Judd and a few hundred moonshine distributors want them to be. That’s not to say that this Final Four lacks excitement, though. Quite the opposite. Sure, I may only have one team left and I’m in dead last, but my viewing enjoyment shall be taken care of. More importantly, we’re all in for some excitement, which is why I’m back once again to display my incredible expert knowledge.

How much of an expert am I? Check my bracket for yourself.

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With the NCAA Men’s Final Four field determined, there’s not much of a point in recapping the weekend’s action, because with the exception of Saturday’s early game – Louisville 72, Florida 68 – there wasn’t a great deal of suspense to break down and analyze with fart jokes and pictures of kittens dressed like Harry Potter. Although, in retrospect, I totally should have done that.

But that’s not to say that yesterday’s UNC-Kansas game – Jayhawks defeated the Tar Heels 80-67 – doesn’t at least qualify for instant classic consideration, because it was everything that we’ve come to expect from timeless rivals, despite what the score suggests. Even Tyler Zeller channeled his inner Tyler Hanbrough a few times, much to my delight.

And it has also now given us the above image that I am just going to deposit over here into my trusty “Future Memes” folder and let it incubate with the hopes that it can develop into its beautiful GIF form.

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Welcome back, everyone. I hope you enjoyed last night’s first installment of the NCAA Tournament Sweet 16 and our Dummy’s Guide to sounding somewhat intelligent in the company of people who watch more college basketball than you. I went 2-for-4 with my picks from last night, as Syracuse and Florida won their games and Cincinnati and Michigan State really took massive horse dumps in their respective matchups. But I also technically rode the fence on each game enough that I can say I was 4-for-4.

What can I say, I’m an expert.

We’re back at it tonight, and I know it’s a Friday and all, but I’ll still be live chatting the action up from the handy dandy portable intelligent telephone. I’ll be at the Orlando Magic game, per the usual, which will make it all more fun. Make your predictions, quips and witticisms in the comments and there will be free t-shirts and possibly other surprises to be given out.

Admit it, you’re excited.

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As I most often point out as to avoid being called a hack – my feelings get hurt easy, y’all – I do not profess to be a sports expert, like ol’ Dick Vitale up there. I’m simply a guy who has a big TV and 12 web browser windows open at all times to follow multiple games until smoke starts to spray out of my ears. And watching all of those games, I develop opinions that I like to share with all of you. I believe that Mufasa or Pumba called it the “Circle of Life.”

So my point is that there are people out there who might be flipping through channels tonight, and they’ll be all like, “Hey, these guys are playing basketball, but I don’t know a thing about them.” Even worse, you could be a dude on a date with a hot girl and she’ll be like, “Why don’t we go back to your place and watch NCAA Tournament basketball and maybe I’ll take my shirt off if you know a lot about the games.” But you’re all like, “Snap, I haven’t watched anything.”

That’s why I created this handy-dandy guide to enjoying the Sweet 16, and to keep with the time-honored tradition of UPROXX live-blogging, I’ll be hanging out tonight to chat and make jokes about things that I notice. I invite you to join me, mainly because it’s fun, but also because I’ll be giving out free shirts at random to people who tell me why I’m wrong.

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