With all the noise that vampires and the Twilight movies out, it was only a matter of time before bats started going to NBA games. It’s been all over ESPN today so I guess we had to post it here as well. And leave it to one of the dirtiest players in the NBA to knock that rat with wings out of mid-air. But to be fair, that is an impressive left-handed swat from the Spurs’ Manu Ginobili. But they swat things in Argentina all the time–mosquitoes, girlfriends, the value of their own currency. But mostly girlfriends.

With a 101-81 victory over Argentina, the Redeem Team has advanced to the gold medal game, where they will play Spain late Saturday night on NBC.

The first quarter-plus was as much as a USA basketball fan could ask for.  The Americans came out energized and pitiless, using an 18-0 run to jump out to a 21-4 lead before finishing the first quarter up 30-11.  Early in the second quarter, the lead grew to 21, plus we got to witness one of the most beautiful things in all the world of sport: Manu Ginobili wincing in (for once, genuine) pain before limping off with an injured left ankle.  He awesomely did not return.

Unfortunately, from there on out the Americans played unevenly, turning the ball over and clanking threes, and even allowing the Europe of South America to cut the lead to 6 at one point late in the first half.  Only the fact that Team USA is way, way better gave them the win.  Why, 20 points is the closest margin of victory for the U.S. in these Olympics.  Phew!  Close one, right?

The NBA's competition committee announced during its meeting Tuesday that it is taking measures to crack down on the rampant flopping going on around the Spurs the league. Beginning next year, players caught executing clear cases of flopping (as determined by referees conducting point shaving) will be subject to fines and possibly suspension. Anticipating heavy penalties, Manu Ginobili has already canceled payment on his next hair transplant.

NBA executive vice president of basketball operations Stu Jackson confirmed the new policy Wednesday night saying: "What was clearly expressed to the committee is that we would begin imposing fines next season for the most egregious type of flops. When players are taking a dive, for lack of a better term."

While there are plenty of contrarian diptards who think flopping enhances lesser sports like soccer and billiards (you wouldn't believe how well it draws a scratch), we Americans don't truck faking injuries for personal gain. Unless it was that time Steve Jobs sideswiped me with his car. The whiplash…so great…only a seven-figure settlement can cure it.

The Bobcats got crushed 85-65 in San Antonio last night, but they could have lost 85-2 as long as the lone basket was this dunk by Jason Richardson. It doesn't really get any better than Manu Ginobili getting a faceful of J-Rich's crotch while the Argentine flophound tries to draw a charge inside the arc.

Fan IQ has several other videos of the Spurs acting like assholes (Bruce Bowen recreating a scene from Flashdance; the Longorias doing "Summer Nights" from Grease) that I won't post because somebody made Zapruder films by hand-recording what was on their TV.  Who are the mongoloids who keep doing this?  It looks like fucking shit.  Stop doing it.  I'm serious.  It's like the people who start a blog but can't differentiate betwee your and you're.  You failed before you even started.  Just go ahead and kill yourself before you get a chance to reproduce.

I don't have enough material for a real dispatch from Miami yet, but I will admit to paying a $20 cover to get into Daulerio hotspot the Clevelander last night. That afforded me the opportunity to pay $7 for Bud Lights, espy the occasional attractive woman dancing on a hoochie dais, and — for a couple seconds — lay my eyes on the Playmaker himself, Michael Irvin (suit, sunglasses, bodyguard, fawning idiots).

Oh, and instead of camping out near a hoochie dais, I sat in the sports bar and watched the Suns break away from the Spurs in the 4th quarter to win 103-87. Totally worth it, too — Amare Stoudemire finished with 24 points, 23 rebounds, and a technical foul on renowned shithead Manu Ginobili. Ginobili, still sporting the karmic shiner from Kobe's "punch," was brilliant in his own right, scoring 32, but anyone who make the NBA look like Italian Serie A has a special place in sports hell — watching "Our Country" commercials for eternity while Ty Cobb kicks his ass.

And yes, I realize that I'm doing yet another post on the Suns when the Cavs and Heat played possibly a more interesting game. What can I say, I have a new NBA crush. The Suns are the new Gilbert Arenas. And the three stacked chicks that just walked into the hotel lobby I'm in are the new Suns.