Robert Swift was drafted 12th overall by the Seattle Supersonics in 2004, and, at the time, taking Swift straight out of high school seemed like a solid move, because the 2004 NBA Draft mostly sucked. Unfortunately, Swift’s career became a prime example of why the NBA wanted kids to spend at least a year in college, and it seems that Swift may have recently been reflecting on his decision to turn pro at 18 as a huge mistake.

Swift’s Washington mansion had been in foreclosure since last year, and a couple eventually purchased it at a fraction of the original price, but there was one notable problem with their desire to actually live in it – Swift refused to leave. Now, the once-promising center has finally left, and the couple faces a new problem – the mansion is a complete sh*thole. Literally.

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Shaun White is a rock star. He’s 26-years old, a global snowboarding icon, gold medalist and worth millions upon millions of dollars. He’s even been known to trash a hotel room, an act which got him his first-ever shred of negative attention back in September, and people barely ever talked about it. Why didn’t anyone care? Because when you’re a young, long-haired “extreme” athlete, people expect you to be wasted, cause ruckus in a hotel, pull fire alarms and get punched while trying to escape. That’s the gosh-darned American celebrity way of life right there.

Oh, and the other reason nobody really talked about it? Because everyone was still so busy freaking out over the rumors from the 2012 Summer Olympics regarding White dating super duper model Bar Refaeli. Seriously, people were going nuts over that, like, “How the hell is that gorgeous super model dating that redheaded dude?” as if he was the real life version of Rocky Dennis. Gee, I sure do wonder why that gorgeous woman was attracted to the young, famous, wealthy, confident millionaire. Some mysteries were just meant to never be solved.

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It appears that the hopes of Dallas Mavericks fans may be dashed if they were hoping that Dwight Howard could be lured their way as a free agent after the 2012-13 season. The guy who just dragged the Orlando Magic through hell and back is now apparently done with Florida altogether, as he is moving to California. Howard, who has spent his days tooling around Beverly Hills and chatting with TMZ since back surgery, just wrote a $20 million check for the above home in swank Newport Beach.

And I know this because a real estate website told me so.

It is rumored that Howard will live in Newport Beach, where his teammate Kobe Bryant also lives. Bryant famously told GQ that he takes a helicopter to work (meaning practice and games) on a daily basis, will Howard follow suit?

Howard’s home in Orlando, as we reported last week, will probably go on the market soon. (Via iRealty Times)

I’m surprised that Howard would sell his home in Orlando, because athletes love to stay in the Sunshine State for the tax breaks that it affords, but I guess as he’s on the verge of signing his superstar contract and receiving an Adidas deal equal to or greater than what Derrick Rose recently signed, he might as well put a cash printing press in his home.

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Back before the sports news world was dominated by stories about how stupid the Orlando Magic is for not giving Dwight Howard to the Brooklyn Nets or how everyone should love and worship LeBron James now because he won the NBA Championship or how something called the Summer Olympics is about to happen, there was the NFL, which also had news. Chief among that news was Peyton Manning’s free agency, an occurrence that we never thought would happen.

But sure enough, it did and Manning, who said from the beginning that it was never about money, signed a 5-year deal worth $96 million with the Denver Broncos. So what do you do with that much money? You buy a $5 million home in your new town. And don’t worry, Manning will never have a shortage of places to poop.

Manning purchased the home for $4,575,000. The home was originally listed in March 2011 at $5.25 million.

Manning’s new home, according to the listing through Fuller Sotheby’s International Realty, is more than 16,000 square feet and sits on 3.37 acres. It includes seven bathrooms, separate media and billiard rooms, a “safe” room and an elevator. (Via the Denver Post)

Seven bathrooms. What do you even do with that? I like to think I’d be like my dog, who likes to poop in three different spots every time I take her out. I’d just pinch it off and run from bathroom to bathroom until I’m done.

Ah, back to the good jokes.

When Ryan Howard first injured his Achilles at the end of Game 5 of last year’s NLDS, the Philadelphia Phillies hoped that his surgery and recovery would land him back in the lineup sometime around May. Unfortunately, the injury turned out to be worse than expected and Howard also suffered an infection, so the Phils actually have no clue when he’s going to be ready to start running again. (He has been fielding ground balls, so that’s good.)

But this is the first year of Howard’s 5-year extension that he signed last year – worth $125 million – so obviously there’s a little concern about Howard’s Achilles and the fact that he’s 32-years old. Howard’s not worried, though, because only a man with complete confidence in not only his ability to heal and perform at an elite level again but also his financial decision-making would purchase a $23 million mansion in Belleair Beach, Florida.

Howard paid $3.5 million for the lot in February 2011, and construction will get underway this month on the 17,500 square-foot mansion, estimated to cost $23 million.

The home, which will be built on land that occupies over an acre of Gulf-front property, will include a “Venice-style lazy river running from the swimming pool underneath a series of bridges” and a bowling alley with breakaway walls.

Taxes for the lot cost $33,684 in 2011, according to Zillow. So, not surprisingly, the town is eager to make an exception for what figures to be an an over three-year construction project…

(Via Crossing Broad)

Indeed, Howard’s new beach mansion will take three years to build, which violates every regulation in his new hometown, but city planners and leaders tend to be a bit more forgiving to guys who will make 1/8th of a billion dollars through 2017. Let’s hope he has a little more luck with his mansion than some other guys. Or at least JaMarcus Russell.