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After a brief hiatus caused by me doing this goddamn comic strip seven years in a row without stopping and needing a break inactivity in the world of baseball, The Dugout is back and ready to tackle the tough issues, such as Manny Ramirez going swimming with a bunch of old people in a T.O.-esque attempt to show he’s still athletic and able to play professional sports.

As we build to the greatest day of the year (pitchers and catchers report~), we’ll go back and touch on some of the stories we may’ve missed, like Jim Thome getting traded to Philadelphia, Kyle Farnsworth miraculously not being traded anywhere and Brian Wilson putting on spandex that looks like a tuxedo so people will write about him when he does his dishes. We’ll also become increasingly obsessed with Albert Pujols, despite his entire story being “I’m great at baseball so whatever, I’ll go play it for a billion dollars somewhere”. We may also write about Dan Quisenberry, even if you don’t give a righteous f**k who that is.

Anyway, welcome back to the weirdest, most well-established, most sorta-racist fictional world in pro sports reporting. Today’s Dugout is after the jump.

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Manny Ramirez is retiring. I guess that’s what six losing games with Kyle Farnsworth will do to you. Major League Baseball announced the move in a statement on Friday.

“Major League Baseball recently notified Manny Ramirez of an issue under Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Prevention and Treatment Program,” the statement said. “Rather than continue with the process under the Program, Ramirez has informed MLB that he is retiring as an active player. If Ramirez seeks reinstatement in the future, the process under the Drug Program will be completed. MLB will not have any further comment on this matter.”

Manny leaves behind a legacy of being one of the best hitters and most insane, illogical human beings of his generation. Two World Series championships in Boston are matched by how he used to disappear into the Green Monster to pee. Twelve All-Star selections, and that time he caught a ball, ran up the outfield wall and high-fived a guy. 555 home runs and over 1,800 runs batted in. Dreadlocks wigs, shifty motivation and pronouncing “Boston Red Sox” as “boson red sogs” in his intro video to MVP Baseball.

Ramirez has been one of the most memorable characters in The Dugout since its inception, running around and making airplang noises and playing spies, and if my inability to let go of Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds is any indication, Manny will be being Manny well into the future. We at With Leather wish him the best in his future endeavors, which I guess are sitting around in his underwear and watching cartoons.