I use the term “girlfriend” loosely. Depending on the integrity of the source it was either “the mother of his children” or his “baby mama”, but at some point we have to assume they liked each other. Regardless, he punched her “multiple times in the head with his fist”, threatened to kill her and threatened to beat up all the kids watching. That earns him $2,500 in fines, 100 hours of community service and a 12-month domestic violence program. It also earns him six months in jail, of which he’ll serve about 90 days, of which he’ll probably serve twenty minutes sitting in a jail waiting room.

The sports world is great at putting things like this into proper context. From the Los Angeles Times:

Mayweather pleaded guilty to a reduced domestic-violence misdemeanor charge and no contest to two harassment misdemeanor charges in the Clark County (Nev.) courthouse.

The jail sentence complicates, and perhaps scraps, plans for a late-spring fight between Mayweather (42-0) and Filipino superstar Manny Pacquiao.

“You don’t need to be a genius to count the days,” said a person in Pacquiao’s camp, who was unauthorized to speak publicly.

USA Today is even worse, where the headline reads “Could Mayweather sentence actually help make Pacquiao bout?” Mayweather has a fight scheduled for May 5, but an opponent hasn’t been announced. More importantly, who gives a sh*t and can we please at least devote a paragraph or two per analytical blog that reads “this guy is a horrible person for doing this stuff”?

This is why I had trouble doing a Dugout when Manny Ramirez was arrested for domestic abuse … there’s nothing funny about a man beating a woman, and it pisses me off that the only option we’re offered is talking about how this is going to affect upcoming sports. F**k upcoming sports, stop beating your girlfriends.

How does UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva stay in good enough shape to kick Vitor Belfort’s teeth down his throat? By eating at Burger King, of course! Why, Muay Thai striking is practically synonymous with “ranch sauce”, isn’t it?

Feast your eyes (and hopefully nothing else) on this Brazilian Burger King ad featuring The Spider lip-synching to Minnie Riperton’s Solid Gold Hit “Lovin’ You”, the moving ’70s ballad most famously sung by John Stamos (‘s brother) on an episode of South Park. The ad, which features Silva wearing fight gloves and sitting in what looks like a hookah bar near some porcelain dogs, is funny and sorta bizarre, especially if you listen to the lyrics too closely or notice the birds chirping in the background. Conceptually I guess it isn’t any weirder than Manny Pacquiao singing “Sometimes When We Touch” (and being extremely serious about it), but Manny wasn’t trying to put his dick in the Steakhouse XT.

If Silva can make it past Yushin Okami tomorrow night, he’s gonna take everybody out for those little wedges of mousse pie in cardboard boxes.

[h/t Cage Potato]

“God said, ‘Go out and multiply.’ He did not say, just have two or three kids,” Pacquiao preached.

That’s the reason congressman and World’s Best Boxer Manny Pacquiao is opposing a bill that encourages the use of contraceptives and family planning in the Philippines. As this blog does not have a liberal agenda~ I will note that his stance is favored by the Catholic Church and that 80% of Filipinos are Catholic. God, an omniscient being who most favors early-90s African-American mother Bébé, could not be reached for comment.

In another interview, Pac Man explains why if he’s gonna eat it, he’s gonna eat everything.

“It’s sinful to use condoms and commit abortion. My parents were poor… they had four children, it was very difficult but we persevered.”

I’m not sure how much of that perserverence involved Filipino venereal disease, but Manny did run away from home to become a boxer after watching his poor dad kill and eat the family dog, so I won’t dispute the guy. You’d think the struggles of being poor and dealing with thinned-out resources would encourage someone to NOT have babies, but I’ve lived in the American South too long to believe in reason. I just think you’ve got to be in a weird place to have sex with a woman, finish inside of her, and then get disappointed when you don’t get her pregnant. That is some kind of crazy awesome Duggar Family fantasy life.

[H/T Larry Brown]

Last night’s season premiere of Tosh.0 (the only show in the entirety of television my girlfriend gets excited to watch) featured everything you’d expect from Tosh: vomiting, jokes about the subservience of women, and that conversation I have in my head on whether he’s Dane Cook’s Nobody (like in Kingdom Hearts) or his Heartless, as Dane Cook is now nobody. It also featured a special bonus: Manny Pacquiao punching Tosh into near-unconsciousness. It’s funny, but keep in mind that the video also includes nearly two minutes of Joe Rogan, so viewer discretion is advised.

Some funny analysis from Travis Houser:

Pacquiao’s punch that landed squarely on the jaw of Daniel Tosh was not 100% strength but sounded hard enough to do some damage. As you can see in the video, Manny Pacquiao by 1st round TKO since Tosh did not lose conscious it is not a knockout.

Good point, I guess. And yeah, if that punch had been 100%, parts of Tosh’s head would start showing up in the background of Scrubs reruns.

In a blog post that would’ve gotten tons of traffic maybe six years ago, Manny Pacquiao celebrated his decision-by-way-of-inevitability victory over Sugar Shane Mosley by hanging out with socialite turned porn star turned pop culture icon turned something turned nobody Paris Hilton. I’m guessing he punched her in the face, which is why her eyeball is doing that thing.

Paris tweeted: “Hanging out with @MannyPacquiao and his beautiful wife Jinkee. They are such a sweet & down to earth couple! Love them! :)”

Jinkee also had her picture taken with the American celebrity. Paris reportedly had a hard time leaving the media room as Filipino fans mobbed her.

Read the rest of this entry »

If Floyd Mayweather Jr.’s barely intelligible uncle Roger is to be believed, his nephew has been keeping in shape and could get back into the ring for a fight by the end of the Summer. As you may know, our entire human existence is building toward the hypothetical Mayweather/Pacquiao fight, and while Mayweather has retired to sit at home with his jets and dogs and fill duffel bags with enormous stacks of money, Manny has been imagining Money Mayweather’s face on his opponents’ and systematically punching them to death.

Roger Mayweather is kind of a cross between a blue singer and Boomhauer from “King of the Hill,” so listening to him doesn’t really result in comprehension of facts, but he says getting back in the ring is a money issue for Floyd, which is sort of like saying water is an issue for human survival. He also managed to say both Manny Pac and Shane Mosley are on drugs, which is funny and appropriate and another step toward the inevitable conclusion of Mayweather getting sh:tkicked in round one by a guy with political, musical AND punching power. Of course, I’m talking about The Great Khali.

For more (if you can understand it), check out the interview at Black Sports Online.

[via Larry Brown Sports]