Yesterday while going through some old images in my “SFW” folders, I came across this photo from a recent “friendly” match between the New England Revolution and Manchester United. On the left, you’ll notice that less-than-thrilled trophy-bearer is Man. U defender Nemanja Vidic. He’s meaningless to us, because he has completely been dwarfed by that pint-sized powerhouse to his right.

I don’t know that kid’s name, nor do I know why he’s hanging out with Vidic. Bottom line – I don’t care. That kid is awesome, and I couldn’t hide my desire to turn him into our latest Photoshop superstar. Exciting soccer kid is going far, so let’s get in on the ground floor.

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This is the closest I’ve seen soccer get to pick-up basketball, and from the look of things it was almost as competitive. For the second year in a row, Manchester United faced the Major League Soccer All-Stars and soccer’d them to death, winning 4-0 and scoring self-alley-ooped goals that could qualify as late series run Dragonball fights.

In this instance, Dimitar Berbatov (who sounds like a weapon in Goldeneye) makes the Houston Dynamo goaltender look like Brandon from ‘With Leather’ by simply chipping the ball over his head. Instead of going in, the ball hits the crossbar, so Berbatov simply plays it off his chest and buzzsaw kicks it in. The goalie might as well have been on a break. And what did Berbatov think about his beautiful goal?

“I always tend to think my goal are beautiful.”

In a related story, I think I’m gonna try out for one of these MLS teams and see if I can’t get a free trip to Europe out of it.

[h/t Dirty Tackle]

British tabloids are “blazing hot” this morning after Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney tweeted the first photo of his hair transplant, because British tabloids spent a month talking about that one lady’s wedding hat and get bent out of shape over everything. Within minutes the Daily Mail had constructed a 10,000-word essay and a slideshow photo gallery of Wayne Rooney’s skull scab. Rooney got a hair transplant because he’s a rich grown up.

From his Twitter:

Hi all there’s my head. It will take a few months to grow. Still a bit bloody to. But that’s all normal. #hairwego

After Tweeting that, he marveled at his hash tag and spent two hours coming up with great names for hair salons. Some of his favorites include “The Gang’s All Hair”, “Hair Me Out”, and “Hair-O-Dynamics”. He also suggested a nail salon called “A Show of Hands”. None of this happened. Hash tags are #thedevil.

Just to confirm to all my followers I have had a hair transplant. I was going bald at 25 why not. I’m delighted with the result.

The result? Having the same amount of hair as before, only now it looks like it was stitched to his head. But hey, if he’s happy, I’m happy for him. Does anybody know where he could find a really elaborate hat?

[H/T Busted Coverage]

A new study by the social media service FanGager has determined that the “fans” on Manchester United’s Facebook page are the most active of any fan page on Mark Zuckerberg’s cash cow. Out of the Top 15 fan pages listed in the study, Man U. ranks 8th in the actual number of fans at 9,915,504 (as of the study’s end) but the club’s 256,206 “active” fans gives the page the highest active percentage at 2.6%. Finishing second was Justin Bieber’s Facebook fan page, which means that the teenage singer is officially worse than soccer.

According to Wired:

Launched in the U.S. one month ago, FanGager uses Facebook and Twitter open APIs to track social activity and brand engagement. After producing a report for a brand, FanGager offers a selection of applications that allow companies to build fan activity and engagement.

“Brands have been collecting fans and followers for some time,” Eran Gefen, FanGager’s founder and CEO, told Wired.com in a recent interview. “But the real question is not how many fans you have, but how many active and engaged fans you have.”

And that’s true, because the active fans are those who are stupid enough to click on the advertising links that Khloe Kardashian sends out in order to collect $10,000 per click.

Aside from pop culture sensations like Bieber, Glee, Jersey Shore, Ke$ha and Britney Spears, Man U. also topped popular sports pages like Real Madrid C.F. and FC Barcelona, while the Kansas City Royals fan page fell just short*.

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We finally tracked down some video of Wayne Rooney’s bicycle kick goal against Man City over the weekend. And it’s impressive if you haven’t already seen it. But honestly, it’s still impressive even if you have. It’s so good, in fact, that I’m surprised nobody has come out to say how not good it is. Oh, hello there, The First Post [UK]:

Okay, so it was a spectacular goal. But it was the sort they score in South America on a regular basis and, as Rooney himself admitted, there was a huge element of luck to it. “Nine times out of 10 they go into the stand,” he said afterwards.

Whatever. It went in and it looked awesome. I’m content to let the Brits be the chaff in the punchbowl for once. It only could have been better if Rooney were riding an actual bicycle. Maybe next year.

On Sunday, Manchester United defeated Liverpool 1-0 in the third round of the FA Cup, and I assume that may have meant something to people who follow soccer. But the big news after Liverpool’s loss was the Football Association’s punishment of left winger Ryan Babel, who took to his Twitter to make some complaints about referee Howard Webb. Babel used some impressive Photoshop skills to post a photo of Webb wearing a Man U shirt, which drew the ire of league officials. What, no Lobster Dog? Amateur.

For his Twitter humour, the FA has charged Babel with improper conduct, mainly because he commented: “And they call him one of the best referees? That’s a joke. SMH [shaking my head].” Babel eventually removed the Tweet in question and apologized for the comment, but it’s too late, buddy. And as he recently posted on his Twitter account, he’s off to Twitter jail. IDW [I’m dismissively wanking].

Meanwhile, the Professional Footballer’s Association’s chief executive, Gordon Taylor, has Babel’s back…

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