Hello! I hear it’s a long weekend where most of you are. Why not take the next three days off to enjoy an Impact report? A few things:

- By the time you read this, the latest edition of that crazypants Chikara conspiracy theory podcast I do with Smiths-lovin’ vegan cool guy Robert Newsome will have been posted to The Mandible Claw. Dark things are coming, guys. And I don’t just mean our extended conversation about Supermarket Sweep.

- If there’s one thing I am good it, it’s making suggestions on how you should spend some of your money. Might I recommend donating to the Air Sex Documentary Kickstarter? Or how about a brand-spanking new Dasher Hatfield shirt? Chris Trew and Dasher Hatfield make me endlessly happy. Get into them!

- You can follow me on Twitter here, With Leather here, and UPROXX here. You can also like us on Facebook! You can tumbl this column! What a world we live in, guys. Sex with air and social media. Greatest generation, shmeatest shmeneration.

This week on Impact: Senility, yelling, more yelling, terrible wrestling, and the unintentional hilarity of an angry Samoa Joe. It’s…even worse than it sounds.

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@matt_T tweeted at me a little earlier, and the message read, “I just saw this today. TNA has a scratch off lottery game in Georgia.” I wasn’t sure what to think. Then, suddenly, I wasn’t sure what not to think.

Collected below are 10 random thoughts I had about the Impact Wrestling scratch-off game.

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Hello! Is it an Impact column you’re looking for? I can see it in your eyes. I can see it in your smile. And I want to tell you so much….the following pre-show notes:

- Haven’t voted in With Leather’s Bad Wrestling Theme Lyrics March Madness Tournament? Unsure who to vote for? Might I recommend two podcasts of a combined three hour length that will tickle your funny bone and fill you with mental images of me fighting Haystacks Calhoun? No? Well, you should listen anyways, because they’re pretty great. I know it seems like a long time, but hey, toss it on during a commute. A lunch break. Take a road trip, see something fun, and listen to Brandon’s dead-on Matt Hardy impersonation. And hey, while you’re doin’ stuff, you should check out the rest of The Mandible Claw. Wrestling! Wrestlers! It’s all there!

- Another thing you should do, as I am apparently an expert on that now, is donate a little (or a lot) of money to Brandon’s movie project. It’s not often that you get to be a part of someone living their dream, and every little bit helps. I have read the script, and boy howdy is this something you should want to see come to fruition. It’s good, guys. I know you’re here for rassles talks, which some of you have made clear in some less than kind ways, however this is something that is truly important to me, and I hope you’ll help in any way you can. Even if you can’t give, or can’t give right now, sharing, blogging, tweeting – all of these will help bolster awareness, and hopefully what was once just an idea can become a fully realized piece of art.

- Speaking of sharing and tweeting, we like those a whole bunch when it comes to the Best and Worst. While you’re at it, why not make it easier by following us on Twitter? I’m over here, With Leather is over there, and off in the distance you can just make out where UPROXX is.

This week on Impact: Video packages that are way better than they have any right to be, more video packages, and maybe some wrestling in between those video packages. Roll tape!

Hello, lovelies! Welcome back to the Impact Best and Worst, unfortunately sidelines by a bout of food poisoning. If you’re not sure if you should eat it, and you do it anyways, you kind of get what you deserve, and I really, really did. A couple of notes, then we’ll get right to it!

- So The Mandible Claw is a thing I do now, and you should absolutely be checking it out. Besides the new weekly podcast featuring Brandon and myself, there are some great guest contributions that are more than worth your time.

- At the time of posting, there legitimately aren’t many videos up on Impact’s YouTube channel, so if you’d like to play along go to Spike TV for the full episode.

- Be sure to like us on Facebook, follow myself, With Leather, and UPROXX on the twitters, and share, tumbl, and comment your hearts out. We’ve got two weeks to get caught up on, and I know you all saw that AJ segment last week.

This week on Impact: Kurt Angle makes some questionable life decisions, Wes Brisco is allowed to hold a live mic again, and we finally find out who that D’Lo shaped member of Aces & Eights is! Tuck in, folks! It’s gonna be a long, poorly executed ride!

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Reminder: She's the referee.

Cheerio! ‘ello Guvnah! Whatever stereotypical British greeting you’d like me to give! I hope you all had a wonderful week, and a very special Anna Howard Shaw Day. A few things before we get on to the (thankfully) final episode from the UK.

- This weekend I will be heading across the border for Squared Circle Wrestling’s Heat Wave (scroll to the bottom for the card) event in Niagara Falls, NY. Jessica Havok! Christina Von Eerie! Rachel f’n Summerlyn! SPIKE DUDLEY! If there’s no report next week, it will be because my heart literally folded in on itself like an Autobot transforming. If you like the idea of seeing any of these wrestlers, and also hanging out in American Niagara at a bar that doesn’t even have a website, then by all means come out, say hello, enjoy some badass ladies and little Spikey, and hope our cars don’t get broken into!

- This week at The Wrestling Blog, I interviewed ACW’s own Jack Jameson. Head on over, watch some fun matches, and compliment him on his full and manly beard. I’ve been close to it in person and it’s nothing short of glorious.

- So this Social Media fad is pretty fun and far out, so why not get on board and follow me on twitter? With Leather is here, and UPROXX is also worth a follow. We also appreciate likes and shares and up votes and all those good things, so hit as many buttons as possible when prompted. It helps spread the word, and lets me keeping doing things like posting pictures of myself eating a burrito on a legit sports comedy website.

This week on Impact: In what feels like the longest UK tour ever, Hogan kind of sort of makes a tournament, shows that his poopies face isn’t just for disapproval, and gets lost in the hallways of Wembley Arena. Find out if he chooses an opponent for Jeff Hardy at Lockdown or gets committed to an assisted care facility after the jump!