When it comes to sports collectables, autographs and general memorabilia, you could say that I’m a big-time conservative. I fear the inevitability of change, in that I always expect my favorite players to be traded, so why would I invest my money and time into supporting them? Additionally, there’s the scandal factor, as in I wouldn’t want to spend a few hundred dollars for, say, a David Freese autographed glove if it turns out that he’s running an orphanage only as a front for an organ farm. (And if he is doing that, I want in, damn it.)

Yet here I am, this gigantic sucker for both sports and quirky artwork, admiring artist Dave Choate’s fun and to-the-point-titled work, “Sports Paintings”. The bulk of Choate’s work revolves around a certain Evil Empire team that he’s a fan of, but mostly his self-taught art stems from a love of sports and art. Much like my Kate Upton finger paintings, or as the judge called them, “Exhibit A”.

My work has been described as whimsical. At the risk of sounding like a moron, my goal is to come away with something cool. I’ve found that my best paintings are the ones where I have the most happy accidents, so I really try to tap into my subconscious or right brain and not analyze every stroke. It reminds me of the Yogi Berra quote, “How the hell are you gonna hit and think at the same time?” I stay loose, try not to think, go with the flow and have faith that I’ll eventually discover something that I couldn’t have created on my own, at least consciously.

I’m a Connecticut native and am a fan of the New York Yankees and Oakland Raiders teams of the 70′s and 80′s.

Choate’s art is a little pricey, but I think it’s pretty fantastic. In fact, if I were still selling meth, I’d probably buy all of his paintings. Wait, did I say selling meth? I meant making porn. I don’t want you guys to think poorly of me.

After the jump, check out the With Leather Art Gallery’s “Sports Paintings” exhibit, and feel free to purchase any of the Mike Tyson paintings for me.

Read the rest of this entry »

After a brief hiatus, the Sports On TV column returns with one of the most requested shows ever: Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s 16-season strong cultural landmark, ‘South Park’.

‘South Park’ has been around since 1997, and has changed along with the times. When it started, Parker and Stone were getting $1,200 to make video Christmas cards for Fox executives. In 2012, they are influential, Tony Award-winning, multi-millionaire media moguls. One thing hasn’t changed: in season one, Kenny was getting ripped apart by football players. In season 16, Tom Brady is guzzling a Gatorade bottle of a child’s semen. Sports are one of the weirdest, stupidest, most ritualistic and overly-glorififed things human beings can do, and ‘South Park’ has been in tune with that since the very beginning.

So, in the Interest of easing us back into regular Thursday columns, here are my choices for the 20 greatest South Park sports moments. Like a lot of the shows we do, there are a ton of moments we had to leave out, so a part 2 will probably happen. If we left out your favorite moment, or you have something to say about a moment we chose, be sure to drop down into our comments section and let us know.

As an added bonus, participating in the discussion and sharing the column on Twitter or Facebook (courtesy of one of those handy buttons at the bottom of the post) will net you the BAT DAD BADGE. You don’t want the Bat Dad Badge? I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s impossible to overstate the brilliance and cultural impact of ‘The Simpsons’. It’s the reason why most of us think what we think is funny is funny, whether we’ll admit it or not.

It’s just as impossible to agree on what constitutes the “golden age” of the show. Everyone agrees that there’s a certain time frame in which ‘The Simpsons’ was the best show on television (and possibly ever), but we all have a different interpretation of when that era started and stopped. Some people think it was the first 9 or 10 season. Some people narrow that down to 1-8. Some people with impossible f**king standards think it peaked from seasons 3-5, or even 4.

For this week’s Sports On TV column, I used the most generally agreed-upon definition of the show’s prime: season 2 through season 8. Tackling the best sports moments of a monster like ‘The Simpsons’ is tough, so consider this a Part 1 of its own series, destined to include a Part 2, Part 3, and even a Part 4, should we delve into those wretched, later season guest star hives like “Homer and Ned’s Hail Mary Pass”.

So please enjoy the 20 best sports moments from the golden age of ‘The Simpsons,’ and be sure to drop us a comment and share your love. Special thanks to Ari Amaru for the screencaps.

Read the rest of this entry »

Olympic gold medal gymnasts Gabby Douglas, Kyla Ross and Internet Favorite McKayla Maroney threw out the ceremonial first pitches before Tuesday’s Padres-Dodgers game at Dodger Stadium. The results were mixed. Gabby Douglas has obviously never thrown a baseball in her life and just kinda lobs it in. Kyla’s effort is better, but it hits the dirt before it gets to the catcher.

Because McKayla Maroney is not impressed (she’s never impressed) and is totally the Marcia Brady of the outfit, she steals the spotlight by taking a few steps back to pitch from the mound, gets it across the plate and jumps up and down in celebration. McKayla is once again Princess For The Day, and Gabby has to sulk away, mentally preparing herself for all those shitty questions Tim Federowicz is about to ask about her hair.

Full video is below. If this whole thing isn’t funny to you, watch it for the foxy teen girls in short-shorts. Or Tim Federowicz.

Read the rest of this entry »

The U.S. Men’s Basketball Team handily defeated France yesterday or the day before or whenever the hell NBC taped it, as Kevin Durant and LeBron James made it look way too easy in a 98-71 victory. France’s bottle-popping point guard Tony Parker led us to believe that his team of baguette-bangers would give the Americans a headache, but with James playing in another universe right now, that doesn’t seem quite possible.

Unfortunately, instead of focusing on simply how well this team is playing – despite a few flaws that shouldn’t really factor into a gold medal victory – we’re still doing it. We’re still having this stupid ass conversation. Could James and the 2012 USA team defeat the 1992 Dream Team that featured the NBA’s greatest legends? The answer is no. Not because the Dream Team was better, but because we cannot manipulate time to get these two teams on the same court at the same time.

But that’s a fact, and facts are stupid when it comes to printing lazy journalism – like, say, suggesting that Michael Phelps used steroids. Hey LeBron, why don’t you tell us about your focus and intensity and how they relate to you being able to throw a missile bounce pass across the court for a perfect assist? Haha, just kidding. Give us some forced rhetoric instead.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you are anything like me, you spent a substantial chunk of your childhood parked in front of the television watching VHS tapes of people doing dunks. I mean, you did other things, too — rode your bike, chucked rocks at stuff, got grounded for cussing, etc. — but, primarily, you wore out the tape on those videocassettes while eating cereal. There were a lot of these videos released in the early-to-mid ’90s, but the gold standard was the NBA Superstars series put together by Hardwood Classics.

NBA Superstars was collection of videos that contained 3-4 minute highlight packages set to popular music from the time, typically focused on an individual player, but occasionally based on a unifying theme. The first one was released in 1990, and contained montages dedicated to Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Dominique Wilkins, Charles Barkley, Isiah Thomas, and Julius Erving, as well as one about players from years past. I love it like a child. So when I found all the clips on YouTube recently, I could not have been more excited, and I felt it was important to share them all with you. Put on your doofy sweaters and grab your synthesizers, people. We’re taking a trip in the Wayback Machine.

NOTE: Did you know there is no Wikipedia entry for the NBA Superstars series? This upsets me on a number of very deep, personal levels.

Read the rest of this entry »