Octagon Girl Brittney Palmer is a beautiful young woman, and just because her job is “walk while holding a sign and waving at you” adds the complexity of walking to the job of a homeless man wearing a sandwich board for a mattress warehouse doesn’t mean she should be judged or ridiculed. I mean that seriously. I don’t want you to read this article and think I’m judging her or her personality. I found myself doing that on Twitter once. I noticed how many followers Arianny Celeste had and asked, “What could she possibly have to say?” I was being a lookist and a bit of a misogynistic jagoff, and for that I apologize.
What I do want to do is share with you ten great, completely out of context quotes from Brittney’s interview with Cagewriter, reported today by Maggie Hendricks, a friend of Uproxx whose writing is still not anything like a woman’s vagina. I laughed the whole way through it and felt the need to share and let you draw your own conclusions. I’m not firing Joe Morgan or kissing Suzy Kolber, but here’s a nearly sentence-by-sentence breakdown. Keep in mind that the “best quotes” are nearly the entire article, so go read it in context when you’re done.
Quick synopsis: Brittney Palmer is more than just a pretty face.
1.
“I’ve always been very right-brained, and my mom always knew I’d do something creative. Right out of high school, I started dancing professionally in a burlesque show, and a magic show”
All kidding aside, “dancing at a magic show” is pretty creative. And there’s definitely a defined, almost Lewis Carroll-esque creativity involved in wearing nipple shields and chair-dancing around inside of an enormous martini glass. It’s like restrained sex’s equivalent for the Jabberwocky.
2.
“People stereotype MMA fans as a certain kind. I don’t think that they are. These people see my art, and they give input on it, and the fans are so smart. They just haven’t been introduced to art.”
“MMA fans are smart, they just don’t know things.” How do you make it into adulthood without being introduced to art? That seems like a conscious choice you have to make. If I had to wait for a beautiful woman in her underwear to introduce me to things I would’ve been functionally retarded until I was like 25.
