Click to make it bigger. Personally I’m voting for Reggie Bush, because maybe if you have a bad enough life, the curse works in reverse?

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A Photographic History of Jennifer Lawrence’s Brief Career - This is barely an article and is just a bunch of pictures of Jennifer Lawrence, but I’m not gonna complain. [Pajiba]

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Military Dad Dresses Up as Captain America to Surprise His Son by Coming Home on His Birthday - The guy Military Dad’s wife is sleeping with while he’s gone should show up as USAgent. [Brobible]

New England Patriots tight end slash adult film industry philanderer slash teenage dunk master Rob Gronkowski is harnessing the power of social media (and obnoxious-for-pay viral videos) to compel his fan base to rock the ESPN’s SportsNation vote and get him on the cover of ‘Madden 13′.

His plan includes:

- Doing bicep curls with a crutch
- Making aggressive animal noises into his friend’s stomach
- Tons and tons of Zubaz pants
- Just getting jacked at all times
- Going crazy
- Inviting you to check out his brothers, who cannot stop exercising on the floor of Gronk’s house even when he’s injured.
- Putting on sunglasses without using his hands
- Getting hyped
- Getting Gronked

Sounds solid, bro. I want to see a follow-up video where instead of asking fans to vote for him, Peyton Hillis tells his bros that he’s not feeling well, and he’s probably just gonna go take a nap.

[h/t NESN.com]

k, what do spies do?

From ESPN‘s Adam Schefter today come two revelations about Peyton Hillis, one surprising, one not so much. It turns out the Cleveland Browns give Peyton about as much of a sh*t as he gives them, and at the end of last season Hillis was considering retiring to take a job with the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency.

Do what now?

The Browns have made the decision not to use their franchise tag on running back Peyton Hillis, according to a source familiar with the situation.

Throughout the past season, Hillis has wavered about whether he wants to continue playing football, and even considered joining the CIA, according to team sources.

It is unclear if he actually pursued a career with the CIA.

I’ve heard some strange contract negotiations in my day, but “I’m prob’ly gonna just monitor world issues for a living and prob’ly shoot some dudes” has got to be the worst, and Peyton Hillis doesn’t even have the intestinal fortitude to follow through with his dumb pipe dreams. So where does that leave us? With a giant depressed Barney Rubble who can’t (or won’t) play at the level expected of him who may or may not decide in the middle of next season to ditch practice and enroll in clown college?

“If we can work something out with Peyton we will,” [Browns general manager Tom] Heckert told ESPN.

“But whatever.”

From a May 11 interview with ESPN:

“Actually, I don’t even believe in curses. It’s really sad how many people believe in curses. This is football; everyone gets hurt. If you run the ball 40 times a game, you’re going to get banged around and get nicks and bruises here and there, but I don’t pay too much attention to that. I’ll let it take care of itself.”

Then came an eight-touchdown, 600-yard decline in productivity, a hamstring injury, an exchange of tough guy back-and-forth with his team over a contract and that time he bailed on a charity gig with the Cleveland Boys And Girls Club. This deadly combination of bad PR, commonplace injury, personal assholery and “living in Cleveland” can only mean one thing.

From a December 19 interview with Cleveland.com:

“No doubt about it, things haven’t worked to my favor this year. There’s a few things that happened that made me believe in curses. Ain’t no doubt about it.”

There you have it. There ain not any doubt about it. Peyton Hillis is cursed, and the only way the Browns can get back on track is if Mike Holmgren tricks John Madden into walking over a cleverly disguised pit and rips off his face to reveal Old Man Jenkins from the abandoned amusement park.

I think they should find the worst player in the NFL and put him on the Madden 13 box just to see if he spontaneously combusts. Any takers?

[h/t to Shutdown Corner]

Somewhere between a 1,100-yard, 11-scores season and a cursed Madden cover, Cleveland Browns running back Peyton Hillis turned into Steve Urkel and started f**king up everything about his life and the lives of those around him. As Shutdown Corner helpfully explains, he’s rushed for fewer yards this season (211) than Cowboys rookie DeMarco Muray did a single game (253) and has missed more games (three) than he’s been in and scored (two).

If that wasn’t bad enough, The Cleveland Plain Dealer is now reporting that Hillis’ brother and agent confirmed he’d attend an event hosted by the Cleveland Boys and Girls Club for the benefit of 50 children who had to be bussed around from everywhere to meet him … then never showed up.

Former Browns center LeCharles Bentley explains, via Twitter:

I’m guessing #ManPlease is the diplomatic, semi-professional equivalent to #areyouseriousbro. When a guy with both “Le” and “Bentley” in his name is condescending on you for being hoity-toity, something’s wrong.

And if we’ve learned nothing else from Cleveland-area sports public relations disasters it’s that no-showing a Halloween charity party for underprivileged children is one thing, but not swiftly explaining why you did it so people don’t think you’re an irreparable IR creep (Hillis’ people aren’t talking and Bentley won’t expound) is another. Another thing we’ve learned from Cleveland is to always assume the worst, and to know that it never gets any better.

[via CBS Sports]

Hey Cleveland, get ready for another excuse for why you never win anything: Browns running back Peyton Hillis is the face of Madden NFL 12. Hillis was announced Wednesday as the winner of the ESPN.com fan vote, garnering 66 percent of the vote in the final against Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Michael Vick. When asked what he thought about getting the cover, Hillis seemed to forget how words work, saying he was “excited” and that he’s “always looked up to” Michael Vick. Which is, you know, sort of weird.

Regarding that whole “curse” thing:

“For people to believe in this so-called curse, I can’t wait to prove people wrong,” he said. “From what I believe and where I am in my spiritual life, it would be good to prove them wrong in that sense.”

Fun observation of the day: Peyton Hillis thinks the Madden Curse has something to do with spirituality. Put Deepak Chopra on the cover of Madden 13, he’ll prove them wrong!

EA avoids an inevitable controversy by pulling Hillis on the cover, and pleases the grass roots types who supported him through Facebook and Twitter campaigns, pushing him through over higher seeds like Aaron Rodgers and Matt Ryan. It makes sense for the no-nonsense, smash-mouth Hillis to be on the cover of a football game, as Michael Vick’s time in Philadelphia performing for remorseless, groaning monsters and experience murdering dogs makes him a better fit for Resident Evil 6.