Yes, that’s Real Madrid goalkeeper Iker Casillas picking his nose and wiping it on a child’s face. It’s the acting out of how Jose Canseco treated me when I tried to get his autograph when I was 7. (Via Sportress.)
10 Athletes Who Would Have Been Greater If They Listened To Kenny F*cking Powers - If you missed this yesterday, kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone. (but no, seriously, read it) [With Leather]
10 Celebrities Who Look Like Abandoned Mattresses - Somehow this may be the greatest meme in Internet history, simply for how accurate it is. Poor January Jones. [UPROXX]
Madonna Joins Twitter For A Day, Flirts With Deadmau5 - Prince should join Twitter, he should have a midi of one keyboard note playing in the background and every tweet should be the continuation of the same non-stop sentence. [UPROXX]
5 Directions Medicine Can Go In Now That Cancer Is Toast - More stuff that gives 70-year olds boners, please! [Gamma Squad]
Quick Hits: Verdicts and Renewal Odds on 5 New Television Series - Everything on CBS: loved and renewed. Everything on NBC: good stuff canceled, stuff that looks like it should be on CBS renewed. [Warming Glow]
Hunger Games Review: The Future is Blurry - I sure am excited to keep hearing people talk about this movie when I’m in line at the grocery store. [Film Drunk]
Question Of The Day: Who’s Copping The Air Yeezy 2? - I don’t know what that means. [Smoking Section]
20 Supporting Actors From ’90s TV Shows Then And Now - A nice follow-up to my Waldo Geraldo Faldo joke in yesterday’s Best and Worst Of WWE Raw report. [Buzzfeed]
‘Zou Bisou Bisou’ & 15 Other Awkward TV Serenades - David Brent and Greg Brady absolutely do not count. Uncle Jesse absolutely does. [HuffPost Comedy]
Forget Kony 2012, getting Steve Holt in the Arrested Development movie is the most important cause of the year - Steve Holt! Not getting arrested for public masturbation! [Fark]
‘Downton Abbey’ Gets an American Spoof With ‘Downton Arby’s’ - Great, now I want jalapeno poppers, a roast beef sandwich the size of my face and a Mountain Dew the size of the rest of my body. [The FW]
The 10 Best Shows in the Fox Network’s 25 Year History - I’m sure ‘Woops!’ is number 11 and Pajiba just made a mistake. [Pajiba]
Forget the return of ‘Community’. Forget the long-awaited season premiere of ‘Mad Men’. They can’t be my favorite shows anymore, because neither one features a bear accidentally shrinking Zdeno Chara’s sweater. Well, ‘Community’ might, we’ve still got a few episodes to go.
Behold ‘Bear & The Gang’, an 80s-style sitcom in the style of Minnesota Matters that replaces clips of Urkel dribbling with Patrice Bergeron playing Red Hands with a fully-grown f**king black bear.
The Boston Bruins on Monday debuted Bruins Digital Entertainment Network (yep, Bruins DEN) that seeks to package all of their digital and social content together. Part of that network: The Bruins new official Mobile App via AT&T, which is available for free on iTunes, Android Market/Google Play and Blackberry App World.
Fans who download that app get an exclusive look at the Bear’s new starring role: “The Bear and the Gang,” a series of shorts in the style of a 1980s sitcom that feature Brad Marchand and other Bruins players; fist-pumping TD Garden legend Rene Rancourt; and, of course, beloved paragon on impartial commentating, Jack Edwards of NESN.
Other highlights include Adam McQuaid drying his hair with the worst little hotel hair dryer ever, Shawn Thornton not being able to keep a straight face for long enough to produce 7 seconds of useable footage and Cam Neely messing with his junk before someone walks in on him.
So yeah, pretty excited for this. Also, I’m starting a petition to get Rene Rancourt onto an episode of ‘Mad Men’.
Question Of The Day: Can Anyone Stop Kentucky In The Final Four? - Where have you gone, Christian Laettner, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. [Smoking Section]
Is the UFC’s Fox Deal Hurting Business? - MMA will officially be pro wrestling when its top stars have to fight each other to protect THIS BUSINESS~. [CagePotato]
The 2011 A1W 100: Meet Your Voters and Others Receiving Votes - The list hasn’t been revealed yet, but I sent in a ballot, so you’ll see my esoteric taste eventually. Feel free to fall in love with Veda Scott (pictured, but not on the list) now, before she becomes super famous. [The Wrestling Blog]
Youtube Appreciation: Ratatouille the Snowboarding Opossum - Editor Americus Matt Ufford shows some love for our favorite extreme rodent. Also, I am so awesome at Latin. [SBN]
Watching This Abandoned Blind Dog’s Rescue And Recovery Video Will Absolutely Slay You - The first time I’ve ever cried at an Avril Lavigne song. Be nice to animals. [UPROXX]
The ‘Mad Men’ Cast Gets ‘Archer’-Ized - The only way this mash-up could be more appealing to the UPROXX network is if Kate Upton and Alison Brie had become the same lady. [UPROXX]
Worst Trek Episode Ever: The Bracket Begins - Do the movies count? Because Star Trek V: The Final Frontier is the worst piece of sh*t movie ever. [Gamma Squad]
Donna D’Erico Is On The Hunt For Noah’s Ark - Almost as cool as the time Yasmine Bleeth died searching for the Holy Grail. [Warming Glow]
Worst Anti-Piracy Ad Ever - Worth it for the YOU WOULDN’T DOWNLOAD A BEAR graphic. I will be dead in the cold, cold ground before I pay for even one moment of Battleship. [Film Drunk]
Breaking Dawn — Part 2 Teaser: Bella Gets Laid, Becomes Beautiful Eternal Monster Who Eats Bambi - And speaking of terrible movies, eventually we’re gonna run out of YA novels and sad grown-ups are gonna have to find something else to do. [Pajiba]
You Can Now Buy the ‘Zou Bisou Bisou’ Song From the ‘Mad Men’ Season Five Premiere - I liked it better when I thought it was called ‘Zooby Zooby Zoo’. [The FW]