Bad news out of Kenner, Louisiana this week, as something called the “Beer Cave” has taken a man’s life.

Kenner Police say a man died inside a beer cooler at a convenient store on Airline Drive overnight, but no one knew he was there until they found his very cold body this morning.

“We have a gentleman that went into the Beer Cave, where you can go in and select beer from inside the cooler. It appears that he had experienced some type of medical problem,” Sgt. Brian McGregor told WWL First News.

McGregor says surveillance video shows the man clutching his chest in the cooler around 10:30pm last night and then collapsing. They found him after 7:00am.

The coroner is conducting an autopsy, but police do not suspect any foul play. (Via WWL First News)

First and foremost, I blame Coors Light’s latest ad campaign. Every time I see those guys chipping frosty beers out of mountains only to carry them through a cooler to thirsty tailgaters, I can’t help but think that someone out there has to be dumb enough to think that beer comes from a mountain. I mean, have you seen how stupid Facebook is making people?

But I don’t like to make fun of a person’s death unless it involves someone in Florida being shot because they pooped on someone’s floor and then masturbated. Instead, I see this strange death as a precautionary tale for everyone as the Super Bowl approaches.

Be careful, NFL fans. We already have bizarre stories of fans falling from their upper deck seats and bros puking all over women’s bathrooms because they’re too wasted. Let’s look out for our fellow NFL fans and especially those who like to enjoy a few adult beverages during the big game, because as this collection of GIFs tells us, responsible drinking should be joyous.

Read the rest of this entry »

Trust me, folks – I hate talking any level of politics on this here sports humor blog, but sometimes I just can’t help but slap my forehead at the time management of our great nation’s elected officials. Today’s tale of “WTF, politicians?” comes from Louisiana, where state senators have voted almost unanimously to demand that the NFL reconsider the punishments handed down to the New Orleans Saints for their role in BOUNTY GATE: THE GATE THAT INVOLVED BOUNTIES™.

Back in March, Rep. Cameron Henry, a Republican from the fine parish of Jefferson, introduced House Concurrent Resolution 50, which basically says that the NFL was wrong to fine the Saints half a million and suspend coach Sean Payton for the year. The bill passed 28-1 and now the Louisiana state legislature demands action by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, or else they will not show their tits for beads. I think that’s how this works.

“There is widespread public opinion throughout the state of Louisiana and beyond that the penalties imposed upon the Saints are too harsh and should be reconsidered,” the resolution says.

Henry’s resolution says that the suspensions “will likely have a negative economic impact across the Crescent City and the state as a whole.” (The Times-Picayune via Pro Football Talk)

Look, I may not be some fancy, big city slicker lawyer type, but I have watched a football game or two in my day, and I’ve certainly enjoyed the treasures of New Orleans on a few occasions. So if I had to make a prediction of how this bill will influence the NFL commish, I’d say: 1) It won’t; B) Nah, it won’t; and III) Seriously, it won’t. But I also don’t think it will affect people traveling to the state either, because as long as people enjoy pissing money away at Harrah’s and sucking down crawfish and beignets, the Big Easy will be fine (see you in November, Cajun Boy!). Just have a few hand grenades and heckles some tourists. This whole mess will be over soon enough.