This is obviously a leaked tape that was cut down to make current ESPN analyst Lou Holtz look like a total jerk, and to some extent, it’s effective, but it’s so chopped up that it’s impossible to assume what led to what. So don’t take this as “Oh, Lou Holtz just chewed out some intern.” This is more like “Some TV producer tried to embarrass Lou Holtz with a ten-year-old video.” Whatever.

I don’t really see what about this tape is supposedly incriminating. Doctor Lou is obviously bent out of shape about how the interview was presented to him and lets his feelings known. That’s what happens when you try to give up your time to give interviews to people. And I have no sympathy for that little crybaby intern because most of the people in TV that I’ve met are total dicks anyway. Yeah, I’m sure you’re sorry, homegirl. Now dry those eyes and put on some pants. YOU’RE AT WORK. And don’t even get me started on those camera guys. God forbid that I actually happen to stand someplace where you’re shooting, sir. Some of us actually have lives. Read the rest of this entry »

I really didn’t know what it was about ESPN’s Mark May that gets under my skin. He’s not a terrible analyst. He’s not a terrible dresser. And between he, Rece Davis and Lou Holtz, he might be the most competent individual on that College Football Whatever set.

And then I saw this, and then it hit me: There might be 15 seconds out of an entire one-hour show where May acts like an arrogant, insufferable ass, and it’s that almost-instantaneous lapse of decorum that makes me want to toss his severed head down a garbage chute [not that I'm bitter or anything]. And sure, Lou Holtz may not be the sharpest nose in Charlie Weis’ ass right now, but the guy deserves respect [to his face, if nothing else]. And here’s May either pantomiming a yawn or…yeah, it looks like he’s blowing a dude. And this either says to the audience, “Lou, your rhetoric is putting me to sleep,” or “Man, my appetite for man meat is insatiable.” Might want to try that move in the mirror beforehand, Mark. It’s called the “down low” for a reason. via.

Lou Holtz went on the teevee earlier this week and predicted that Notre Dame would reach the BCS title game, a proclamation on par with “Dewey Defeats Truman” and “I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman.” Holtz’s rant isn’t as far-fetched as it seems, especially when one takes the “body of work” approach to who should play in that game instead of the “best team playing right now” mindset.

“I’m not saying they’re the No. 2 team in the country,” Holtz said on ESPN. “But if you look at the schedule and say who’s going to end up 11-1 or 12-0, I don’t think anyone has a better chance than the University of Notre Dame.” via.

Fair enough, but it’s bizarre that Holtz–a Notre Dame guy through and through–would levy any extra pressure on a program with already-maligned expectations and a hot-seat coach in Charlie Weis. Sure, their entire offense is coming back. They weren’t exactly hot stuff last year. Could Holtz be paving the way for Weis’ ouster and Urban Meyer’s regime in South Bend? Meyer has already said he doesn’t want the job. That means he totally wants it. Coaches are just like chicks. They always want it, even if they say no, run away and call the police as you undress. They just can’t get enough. Answers.

UPDATE: Ain’t happenin’…There’s been a big to do about Lou Holtz entertaining the idea of running for Congress, possibly representing the district encompassing Orlando and the central Florida region where he currently lives. Everyone thinks that Holtz would be nuts to pursue such a thing, and I’m hard-pressed to disagree. But there’s also been some discussion that Holtz couldn’t cut it in the US House of Representatives, and that’s where I have to stop you.

At age 72, Lou Holtz is entering his legislative prime. He’s been bossing people around for years. Hell, he just invaded Japan. He won’t be the worst representative in the federal legislature. Hell, he won’t even be the worst rep in his own state. That dubious honor belongs to none other than the honorable lady from Florida, Jacksonville’s own Corrine Brown. Remember her? How could you not?

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In February, we learned that Lou Holtz, who had built an impressive legacy at Notre Dame, only to almost destroy it at South Carolina, will lead a cadre of golden helmets onto the field one last time against a team of Japanese All-Stars from the professional and college ranks in Tokyo tomorrow. Holtz will be the head coach for “Notre Dame,” a team made up of Fightin’ Irish alumni that has spent the week practicing in Tokyo.

“It’s been a zoo,” said Holtz. “When you get older players its tough but we’re ready to go. It’s Notre Dame football and we’ll play the way Notre Dame is supposed to play.”

Tony Rice is expected to be the starting quarterback for Holtz’s team.

“I’m 41 years old and when they asked me to do this, I said ‘you know what?, I’m gonna do it.’” via.

Bad news for Notre Dame: they eat Rice for breakfast over there! Burn?

Anyway, those of you hoping to watch this trainwreck are out of luck. There’s no TV listing of the game online, plus Tokyo is, like, far away. Plus I have a feeling that Japanese football is nowhere near as entertaining as Japanese TV. And just think, shows like this are on over there all the time! Why would those people ever leave the house? via.

Former Notre Dame football coach Lou Holtz (you know, as opposed to Sacremento-based performance artist Lou Holtz) is fielding a team of Notre Dame alumni to play against the Japanese national team in football. That’s American football, not this futbol shit that some emo soccer player feels obligated to explain every time he hears a conversation not about the World Cup.

Holtz said that over 100 former Notre Dame players volunteered to make the trip, so he and his coaching staff will hold tryouts to narrow the team down for the trip. The final roster will be announced in April. Holtz listed several players who were sure to make the team, including quarterback Tony Rice, running back Travis Thomas and center Tim Ruddy.

Wow, I’m blinded by the gleam coming off those names. How did they get Travis Thomas on such short notice? Did “Nothing” grant him a leave of absence? Anyway, the Notre Dame Japan Bowl will be played at Tokyo Dome July 25th, after which Holtz’s squad will morph into the “South Bend Golden Foreskins” franchise of the UFL. See a spethial methage from Coach Holtz after the jump.
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