WISH WASH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH, P*SSY!

I’m a big fan of card games, as I love poker, rummy, hearts, spades, and pretty much anything that goes great with a case of cheap American beer and/or girls willing to take their clothes off. I like games that require a lot of strategy and trying to determine what your opponent is thinking or what he’ll do next, because it’s fun and challenging to play mind games with people and to show that I have the superior mental skills. Power is beautiful no matter how you achieve and cultivate it.

That said, I also like playing solitaire when I’m bored because it beats reading a book, but there’s nothing more frustrating than when you keep losing and eventually start cheating because who the f*ck is watching you play anyway? Thankfully, YouTube user “Gobolatula” made a quick and handy solitaire tutorial video after he had apparently been playing and dominating all night, and he finally revealed how easy it is to win every time you play. Behold, the power of solitaire royalty!

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No other professional American sports team has lost more consecutive games than the Cleveland Cavaliers, who just dropped their 26th consecutive game, losing to a Pistons squad that most NBA teams would find “beatable.” But Rodney Stuckey scored 22 points off the bench in a game that Cavs coach Byron Scott found his team wanting.

“I’m mad as hell,” said Scott, who kept the postgame locker room closed for more than 30 minutes. “I can deal with losing, especially when our guys play as hard as they have in the last couple weeks, but I find it very hard to deal with when guys don’t come out ready to play.”

Obviously the departure of LeBron James to Miami–and that team’s apparent refusal to rebuild in his wake–has wrought havoc on this year’s squad.

“Something has to give when they play the Wizards,” said two-time reigning NBA MVP LeBron James…on Tuesday night after the Heat beat Indiana at home. “I think that should be a nationally televised game, honestly.”

–FOX Sports.

Get ‘em, Bron-Bron. I’ve said this before, but it’s hard to not think that Cleveland isn’t intentionally tanking their season to get dibs on Ohio State’s Jared Sullinger in the upcoming draft. How would one debate the merits of “Screw up as bad as possible this year and let the new guy fix it next year”? Meh, it worked for Ken Lay.

We’ll get to our link dump shortly, but there’s a bigger issue out there at the moment: “women” are now getting paid to “play video games” with you, the desperate XBOX user. Now you can find companionship from the comfort of your mother’s basement, which is great, because to be able to do that four years ago, you had to start a sports blog.

How does GameCrush work?

There are two types of GameCrush members – Players and PlayDates. Players can search PlayDate profiles and select which PlayDate they want to play. Players pay and PlayDates get paid for each game they play. After a game is completed we ask the Player to rate their gaming experience which is recorded on the PlayDate’s profile.

What games does GameCrush support?

GameCrush currently supports xBox 360 games including Call of Duty 4, Gears of War 2, Grand Theft Auto IV and Halo. PC-based casual games include Checkers, Battle Ship, Billiards Pool, Four Across and Tic Tac Toe.

Whoa whoa whoa? Tic tac toe? I’m gonna pay some chick to play me in a game that I can’t possibly win? If wanted any of that, I’d get into a real relationship. Read the rest of this entry »

Steelers defensive back William Gay. Observe.

Defenders covering Miles Austin. In two career starts, Austin has 16 catches for 421 yards and 4 touchdowns. Miles Austin just broke into your house and drank your milk straight from the carton, and he’s a big reason the Cowboys are back in the hunt in the NFC East.

Anyone looking for another Mark Sanchez implosion. With Matt Hasselbeck on a bye this week, I was forced to go to the cupboard in my 18-team fantasy league and start…JaMarcus Russell. His line? Try 6-for-11 passing for 61 yards, two picks and -6.95 fantasy points. Eat your heart out, Derek Anderson. Sanchez fared better. Somewhat: 9-of-15 for 143 and a TD pass. And he ran for another; what better way for Sanchez to celebrate Hispanic Heritage month than by running undetected over an arbitrary border? The Jets blew out the Raiders, 38-0. If Shonn Greene (144 yards, 2 TDs) is still available in your fantasy league, you have no one to blame but yourself. Read the rest of this entry »

The Tennessee Titans. After losing to the Indianapolis Colts in last night’s “Sounded like a good idea when we scheduled it” Sunday night game, the defending AFC South champs now sit at 0-5. That leaves Tennessee, yep, five games behind the Colts in the division hunt. The Colts won handily, 31-9.

Even Titans backup quarterback Vince Young, the veritable human surrender flag, found his way onto the field in the second half last night, leaving one to speculate whether or not the 2009 Titans, less than halfway into their season, are already in the bag. They’re 29th in points allowed per game and 31st in pass yards allowed on defense, while 36-year-old quarterback Kerry Collins (5 TDs, 7 picks) is finally looking like the pickled journeyman everyone expected to see last season.

And by the way, are the Colts playing every game on national television this year? Does Peyton Manning have to be the last thing I see before I go to bed at night each week? Read the rest of this entry »

Much like Chinese philosophy espouses yin-yang to describe the interdependence of opposing forces [huh?], the National Football league seems to promote a similar state of mind: “Win-Wang.” For Every team that turns up victorious on a given week, there’s another team that’s left clutching its sorry little chode. Let’s take a look back at Week 3 in the NFL and see who was left holding their own. Read the rest of this entry »