Just because we’ve previously covered the incredibly prestigious World Beard and Mustache Championships, we’re not opposed to covering facial hair contests on the regional circuit, especially when it’s for the betterment of the U.S. of A. On Sunday, the city of Los Angeles played host to its own inaugural Beard and Mustache Championships, and with it came a parade of hipster glory.

More than 100 competitors showed up to the Federal Bar in North Hollywood to display their flavor savers, but only 25 of them would walk away with honors. Unimpressed? The ladies sure weren’t.

The lip spinach wasn’t all that was in abundance in the crowd that organizers estimated climbed to nearly 300 over the course of the day — roughly half were females — assorted spouses, gal pals and a fair number of what appeared to be beard and mustache groupies, some sporting stick-on ‘staches, others with knit beards or temporary tonsorial tattoos or T-shirts that combined a heart-and-handlebar design. (L.A. Times)

Awards were given in the categories of Business Beard, Partial Beard, Mustache, Freestyle, and Full Beard, but I can’t focus on the winners until I point out a travesty. In the Partial Beard category, Robert Broski, a name that Jay Cutler would kill for, was awarded third place despite being an Abraham Lincoln impersonator. The only defense I could accept is that his presence was too unfair to the other competitors. Because in my America, Honest Abe never loses.

Enjoy the best of L.A.’s 1st Annual Beard and Mustache Championships after the jump.

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When L.A. Lakers center Andrew Bynum isn’t elbow striking the Dallas Mavericks in their armpits, he keeps it classy by parking his BMW in a crosswalk and across most of a handicap parking space. Cameras at the Bristol Farms Market in Playa del Rey captured footage of the parking job, and would only be sadder and more disappointing if you could see a guy with crutches lying in the background, desperately reaching out for the front door.

A report from LAist.com gives us the hilarious followup:

When questioned by NBC4, Byum reportedly slammed his car door and drove away without comment.

With an annual salary topping $14 million, the $353 ticket, should he be cited, certainly won’t break Bynum’s wallet. But it is now apparent that the 23-year-old basketball star requires a boost in maturity along with an image revamp.

It’s a terrible image and perception when something like this happens.

“It’s a terrible image and perception when something like this happens,” said DMV Deputy Chief Vito Scattaglia, after NBC4 showed him the pictures.

Apparently this scenario is becoming progressively common in L.A., as numerous businesspeople have been caught on videotape using disabled placards and spots.

So not only is this indicative of Entitled Sports Jerks, but of Los Angeles as a whole. I live in Austin, Texas, and the worst thing I have to deal with in a Whole Foods parking lot is people walking across the street diagonally as slowly as possible. I don’t see any D-League Austin Toros guys parking their 5 Series on the sidewalk and shoving down amputees to get to the quinoa. But seriously, dude, you’re seven feet tall. If you park 10 rows back it’s what, four steps and you’re there? Those spots are there for a reason, and a comedy blog shouldn’t have to explain why you’re a dick if you park in them.

After a recently proposed 75,000-seat stadium was approved by state legislature to be built in the City of Industry, environmental groups in California are protesting another proposed NFL stadium that would be constructed right next to the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Both stadiums, however, will provide a great boost for the local economy as scores of fans will flock to watch all zero professional football teams in LA.

The City of Industry stadium was approved after lawmakers waived certain environmental obligations for the builders, causing major concerns that the same would happen for the downtown LA stadium. These groups have sent a letter to the same lawmakers, demanding that they investigate the stadium’s impact on traffic, noise and air pollution, to which the lawmakers responded, “Any of you ever been to Los Angeles before?”

Put a daisy in my rifle, LA Times:

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