Hey Dodgers fans, remember the good old days, back when Frank McCourt was a principled, passionate businessman who pulled himself up by the bootstraps and led L.A. to championship prosperity alongside his beautiful, fresh-faced wife Jamie? Are you able to recall how Baseball Camelot dissolved into a two-year long hodge podge of bankruptcy, behind-closed-doors usurping and “who owns which parking lot”-style tough guy back-and-forth? Well, 24 months and $20.6 million in legal bills later, the McCourts have reached a Dodgers-related divorce settlement, readying fans for a return to … well, one of those times.

From the LAT Sports page:

Frank and Jamie McCourt have reached a divorce settlement under which she would get about $130 million and relinquish any claim to a share of the Dodgers, multiple people familiar with the agreement told The Times.

The settlement would remove Jamie McCourt as an obstacle to Frank McCourt’s plan to retain ownership of the team by selling the Dodgers’ television rights in U.S. Bankruptcy Court. The agreement also would appear to set up a winner-take-all court showdown for the Dodgers between Frank McCourt and Commissioner Bud Selig.

As straight-forward as that reads, even that gets followed by a “the people familiar with the agreement spoke on condition of anonymity because the settlement has not been finalized”. That’s really the defining statement of the costliest divorce in California history; if the Los Angeles Times posted a story saying “Frank McCourt says sky is blue” they’d have to follow it with “however, due to outstanding legal claims, the McCourts would like to announce that the atmosphere and light scattering contribute to the sky’s purported blueness, though the science could neither be confirmed or denied at this time”.

The other key is the “winner-take-all court showdown” line, which hopefully leads to Frank McCourt and Bud Selig battling each other with pugil sticks on raised platforms above a room filled waist-high with Manny Ramirez dread-wigs.

"Can we pawn this?"

In news that should surprise absolutely no one, embattled Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt is possibly being grossly over-billed by his bankruptcy attorneys. In fact, his case’s federal trustee is alleging that the firms of Dewey & LeBoeuf of Los Angeles and Young, Conaway, Stargatt & Taylor of Delaware have overcharged McCourt for consultation by as much as 21%. He currently owes more than $1.66 million in lawyer fees, of which $352,000 should not be owed.

Seriously, who gave this moron money?

The trustee argued that the firms should not be paid for efforts to keep confidential the fees associated with Dodgers owner Frank McCourt’s initial financing proposal and should not be paid for efforts to pursue that loan even after Major League Baseball countered by offering an unsecured loan.

“It should have been apparent to Debtors’ highly experienced and highly qualified bankruptcy counsel” that the efforts on both fronts were not necessary and did not benefit the Dodgers and thus were “not compensable,” according to the filing. (Via The Los Angeles Times)

Of course both firms are denying that they’ve overcharged and they contend that they’re owed every penny. And knowing a little about how the legal system works, I’m pretty positive that they’ll get every penny. It just goes to show that my old theory stands strong – you can never trust anyone named LaBoeuf.

In news that should make blue collar Americans vomit all over their unemployment checks, embattled Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt, who is reportedly close to $550 million in debt while he publicly struggles with his humiliating divorce, has been offered $1.2 billion for his team. According to the Los Angeles Times, the offer is straight cash, homey, and is being proposed by Bill Burke, who heads up the L.A. Marathon.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering, “Hey Burnsy, aren’t you worth $1.2 billion and how can the guy who runs a marathon afford that much cash?” Well, the answers are much more and he can’t. That’s why the most of that money is coming directly from the People’s Republic of China. Of course that has some people coughing, “Bullsh*t.”

The bid was received with skepticism within MLB, where executives wondered whether the proposal might be used by McCourt to stir negotiations with other potential buyers or to persuade a Bankruptcy Court judge to keep McCourt in charge of the team.

“There are questions within the sports industry about whether this is a genuine offer,” said one industry consultant who works extensively with MLB and other professional sports leagues.

Let’s pretend for a second that this offer is legit and Bud Selig and the MLB approve the sale. McCourt bought the team in 2004 for $430 million. He and his wife ran the team into the ground with management that would make Congress laugh, to the point that he owes more than half a billion. Of course, he won’t profit and is still a loser if this deal goes through, since he’ll still have to settle his divorce and split everything with his wife.

But he could still make out with a few hundred million, which is just downright depressing when you think about how this jackass is falling ass backwards into salvation. Lane Kiffin is going to have to pull a miracle out of his ass to top this and maintain his title as the Most Undeserving Successful Guy in Sports.

Normally when you hear about an eye witness of a violent crime being killed, the story involves a hitman and mob justice. In the case of Matthew Lee, a friend who attended that fateful Los Angeles Dodgers game with Bryan Stow, the only assassin was food allergies. According to the police, Lee died after ingesting nuts in a salad.

Stow, of course, is the Giants fan who was brutally beaten by a pair of gang bangers at Dodgers Stadium on March 31, and has since been in a coma and only recently opened his eyes. Two men are currently in police custody, as they have been fingered by their lady friends.

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The Dodgers are bankrupt, and their situation isn’t getting any better. From a report posted last night on CBS Sports’ Eye on Baseball:

The Los Angeles Dodgers — who recently filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection — issued payroll checks to some “game day staff members” that bounced, according to TMZ.com. The website actually obtained a check for $497.54 that shows it was returned to the employee by the bank and was stamped with “refer to maker,” which means there were insufficient funds in the Dodgers’ account. The check was signed by Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and issued on June 24. TMZ notes the Dodgers said that some checks did bounce but have since been reissued.

In the meantime, Dodgers employees better not spend their money until their paycheck definitely clears.

And that brings us to today’s Dugout, which covers the bouncing checks and finds out exactly what Frank McCourt has been doing with his giant pile of burning money. It follows.

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Still riding the high of winning the NBA Championship, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban took his trash out this morning and when he opened the lid a TMZ reporter popped out and asked him if he’d like to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers. At least that’s how I imagine it happened. And sure enough, Cuban said he’s definitely interested in purchasing the troubled franchise, just like he was interested in buying the troubled Chicago Cubs and the troubled Texas Rangers.

But as much as Cuban blabbers about wanting to purchase another professional sports franchise, preferably in Major League Baseball, the chances are very slim that he’s going to do so, especially a team like the Dodgers. Because, you see, Cuban is a smart man unlike Frank McCourt, who is – how should I put it? – a flaming bag of dead poop monkey brains.

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