As an unapologetic stan for The Wonder Girls, I like to throw shade at Girls Generation whenever I can. Last year, I got my first opportunity to turn a sports comedy blog into a Korean teenager’s Tumblr when Jessica Jung wound up for a dramatic first pitch and got it about four inches before it hit dirt. I laughed and laughed, and took joy in the momentary failure of a rich pretty lady who probably didn’t give a shit.

Fast forward a year and history is repeating itself.

Tiffany Hwang of Girls’ Generation was tasked with throwing out the first pitch at Monday’s Los Angeles Dodgers/Arizona Diamondbacks game. She wore cat ears. She had a dramatic wind-up, just like Jessica Jung. She impressed the crowd by firing in a strike, and hahahaha no she didn’t. Here’s the clip:

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That wasn’t the best National Anthem I’ve ever heard, but it certainly wasn’t the worst or even what I expected from a comedian like Rob Delaney. Delaney performed the National Anthem at a Los Angeles Dodgers game after he teased it on Twitter and most people thought he was joking. But sure enough it happened. So what was I expecting? I don’t know, maybe an Enrico Palazzo or a rendition using only mouth farts.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to perform a mouth fart version of the Star-Spangled Banner. In fact, it would be awesome if it was a young girl or basically someone that you’d never expect it from. Like, even if one of those fat opera dudes came out, I’d probably think, “There’s a 25% chance that this guy mouth farts the National Anthem”. But if a sheepish elementary school girl walked out with her parents and she was too nervous to start and her mom was like, “It’s okay, honey, go ahead” and then she like *FART NOISE*… that would be AWESOME.

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Back in September, we shared the first trailer from Brian Helgeland’s 42, the Jackie Robinson biopic that looks … well, pretty much like every other Hollywood biopic made in the last 10 years, but it looks good, especially if you give a shit about its content. Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey! Christopher Meloni from ‘Law & Order’ as Leo Durocher! Jackie Robinson with a low, grizzled voice, instead of sounding like every black comedian’s white guy voice like he did in real life!

Today, we get a second, extended trailer, and while it features a lot of the same footage as the first — the stuff set to Jay-Z’s ‘Brooklyn (We Go Hard)’ is essentially unchanged — it’s got a lot of new stuff, too, including ‘Firefly’ star Alan Tudyk as racist-ass Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Ben Chapman. Zoe would be so disappointed in you, assuming that 1940s baseball and 2500s soft sci-fi are the same.

Pretty excited to see this, I’ve gotta say. In a perfect world, this will remind Harrison Ford that he can act, and he’ll stop miring in Indiana Jones re-boot attempts and letting Calista Flockhart choose his projects.

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A few years ago, when I was still in my broke, we-need-to-cram-a-bunch-of-people-into-this-hotel-room-to-save-money phase (not very far removed), some friends and I were in St. Pete to watch UCF get demolished by Rutgers in the Poopyfart Rental Furniture Random Sponsor St. Petersburg Bowl. Of course, like most morons, we wanted to be up as early as possible to go tailgate, but ESPN was showing the 30 for 30 special The U and we were just glued to the TV.

It just baffles me that ESPN can make a series so amazing, yet they give actual American money to Jon Gruden to felate Tony Romo on Monday Night Football.

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Every NFL season, I reach a point of retrospect, when I look back at my fantasy drafts to determine which players I could have picked instead of who I actually picked. I know, it’s stupid because what the hell did I know then? I’m just glad that I grabbed Alfred Morris so I could ride him until Mike Shanahan trades for Kevin Smith and Ronnie Brown. But the one player that I’ve looked back on already was Jay Cutler, who I was convinced was going to be the premium backup option this year.

When I’m wrong, I’m really f*cking wrong.

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In a story that is extremely relevant to my interests, the first pitch at Thursday’s San Diego Padres/Los Angeles Dodgers game at PETCO Park was thrown out by Crystal, aka “that one monkey from everything,” aka Annie’s Boobs from ‘Community’. You may remember Crystal from such roles as Dexter in the Night At The Museum franchise, Donald The Monkey in Paul Blart: Zookeeper or Dr. Rizzo in the television series ‘Animal Practice’. You may also already be scrolling down to check and make sure there are actual boobs in this post.

Jason over at Sportress Of Blogitude grabbed a few Instagram photos of the MONKEY TROUBLE~ (note: not the monkey from Monkey Trouble) going down at PETCO, which you can check out below. One features Crystal adorably holding a baseball. Two others feature her taking a dump on Yonder Alonso’s shoulder, probably.

Also amazing: video of Crystal’s “first pitch” and trip to the announce booth.

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