When commenter cum laude Upstate Underdog sent in this blog post with the headline, “Angels Promotion ‘Steal 3rd’ Begins with 11-Year-Old Breaking his Arm,” I laughed my ass off, mainly because I’m a detriment to humanity. But this kid whose name is inexplicably Beecher Halliday, put me in my place. After breaking his arm on the first few steps to third base from left field, he gets up and keeps running.

Let’s recap: a sixth-grader BREAKS HIS ARM IN FRONT OF 30,000 PEOPLE, only to get up and keep running. Beecher, it’s people like you that add to humanity all of those things that I take away. Video evidence of Beecher’s testicular fortitude awaits you after the jump. I salute you, young sir who stole his name from a porno western movie. Good luck in puberty, not that you’ll need it. Read the rest of this entry »

This is a little collage of Los Angeles Angels catcher Bobby Wilson getting his business ruined by Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira. There are a lot of things I don’t like about Teixeira. He’s like the Phil Mickelson of baseball, except that his last name’s a lot harder to spell. But some people are calling this play, where Marky Mark foregoes the slide to pop Wilson in the face with a shoulder, uncouth.

I’m not sure I agree, and I’m not sure we’d be having this conversation if Teixeira wasn’t a Yankee. First of all, Wilson makes a move to block the plate (without the ball, mind you.) Teixeira knows it’s going to be a close play, if he isn’t already out. Wilson can’t handle the throw and subsequently gets leveled (and placed on the DL) for his trouble. This would only be some sort of violation if the catcher was Dwyane Wade. Enjoy the video pwnage after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Los Angeles Angels outfielder Torii Hunter would like to elaborate on his thoughts on Latin American players, and how they relate to African-American ballplayers that grew up here in America.

“What troubles me most was the word “impostors” appearing in reference to Latin American players not being black players. It was the wrong word choice, and it definitely doesn’t accurately reflect how I feel and who I am,” Hunter posted on his Angels-sponsored blog Wednesday afternoon.

“What I meant was they’re not black players; they’re Latin American players. There is a difference culturally. But on the field, we’re all brothers, no matter where we come from, and that’s something I’ve always taken pride in: treating everybody the same, whether he’s a superstar or a young kid breaking into the game. Where he was born and raised makes no difference.”

So…there’s no difference in your eyes between blacks and Latinos, Torii? [Emphasis added.]

“…The point I was trying to make was that there is a difference between black players coming from American neighborhoods and players from Latin America. In the clubhouse, there is no difference at all. We’re all the same. –Y! Sports.

So aside from the obvious differences in race, there are no difference. This is what I’ve been saying all along. It’s like when I go down to the Navy Yard and specifically request an Asian girl, and they bring me this Indian chick. “India is IN Asia,” they keep telling me. Next thing I’m gonna hear is that Australia is a country and a continent. What, you think I was born yesterday? Read the rest of this entry »

Major League Baseball recently concluded an investigation regarding an SB Nation report that Yankees pitcher Mariano Rivera was caught spitting on the baseball during his appearance in Game 3 of the ALCS yesterday. Rivera was seen spitting in the general direction of the ball before the camera cut away to Angels manager Mike Scioscia. Emphasis added:

he initial reaction by the league had been that the video plus still pictures they have of the incident were inconclusive if Rivera actually spit on or near the ball. But after further review of what it had, the Commissioners Office determined that Rivera was not spitting directly on the ball.

On still pictures in MLB’s possession, it apparently looks as if Rivera is spitting near, but not on, the ball. Also, as even the league office is aware, Rivera is a player who spits constantly while in action. NYPost, via SB Nation.

Whatever. Pitchers that cheat are the ones that really do a disservice to the game. You think I want to spend three hours watching a 1-0 game? Actually, I do like those, but the girls I take to the game can never sit still through them. I blame the lack of offense. Or maybe it’s crabs. vid from Deadspin.

With two outs in the bottom of the ninth and the Cardinals leading 2-1, Matt Holliday lost a sinking line drive in the lights, couldn’t track the ball, and instead of catching it, appeared to take it square in the nuts. Most reports are saying the ball hit Holliday in the stomach, but I think they are trying to avoid adding insult to injury, because if you watch the above video replay (with bonus Couples Retreat preview! You haven’t seen that before!), it’s pretty clear that the ball drilled him square in the junk. The Dodgers capitalized on the error, scoring two runs, including the game-winning single by Mark Loretta that scored Casey Blake to beat the Cardinals 3-2 and take a 2-0 series lead. The Cardinals are perhaps now drowning their sorrows while Matt Holliday is icing his balls.

In other MLB Division Series playoff action…

Colorado Rockies 5, Philadelphia Phillies 4. The Rockies evened up their matchup with the Phillies at one game apiece as the series heads to chilly Colorado. Speaking of nuts, after pitching five innings and surrendering four earned runs, starter Cole Hamels departed the game and then had to rush to the hospital after his wife went into labor. I hope the Hamels saved some of the placenta to share with the whole team. If you have never sampled placenta, you must. It tastes delightful on a Chicken in a Biskit.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 5, Boston Red Sox 0. The Angels appeared to solve their issues with the Red Sox, at least for one game (Boston has beaten Anaheim in three consecutive playoff series), as John Lackey pitched 7 1/3 innings of shutout ball, allowing only four singles. Torrii (the extra ‘i’ is for ‘incredible’) Hunter got the scoring started in the fifth inning with a mammoth three-run homer off BoSox lefthander Jon Lester. Kendry Morales added a two-run single in seventh, Darren Oliver retired all five batters he faced in relief and the Angels took a 1-0 series lead. Call it the power of the Rally Monkey, but have no fear, Boston fans. I’m pretty sure the Red Sox will have their own primitive primate of their own cheering them on when they return to Boston.

MORE MLB: The Cleveland Indians are getting rid of manager Eric Wedge. I guess you can’t fire the infantry…

There apparently has been some clamoring about how the Los Angeles California Angels of Anaheim United States North America Earth incorporated the jersey of their late pitcher Nick Adenhart into their champagne-soaked celebration of their AL West title. The jersey of Adenhart, who was killed in a hit-and-run by a driver under the influence earlier in the season, was soaked in champagne and alcohol during the celebration, which angered a lot of people hoping to see laundry treated more humanely. The Angels defended themselves yesterday.

“We wanted to celebrate with him like he was here,” reliever Kevin Jepsen, whose locker is just a few stalls away from Adenhart’s, said Tuesday. “If he was still here with us, we’d be pouring beer on him just like everybody else in here.[..]

Said third baseman Chone Figgins: “He’s our teammate. We’re allowed to do what we want.”

Manager Mike Scioscia said the gesture was meant as nothing more than homage to the 22-year-old…”You have to understand these players and the tribute, what it really means when you pour champagne on somebody,” Scioscia said. “That’s the tribute, not the fact that it was alcohol. It’s like getting a whipped-cream pie in the face after an interview. It’s part of the tribute. . . . I think it was very sincere, very real and I know it was meaningful to us.” via.

The dearth of convictions of “Driving While Pie-Faced” notwithstanding, I’ve never found it appropriate to judge other people’s reactions on how they handle death. Some people want to cry, some people get angry. Others just want to climb back on while the body’s still warm and “pay their final respects.” Pay them all over her chest and face. But that’s why America loves baseball. We still love baseball, right?