Our ongoing fantasy baseball games through FanDuel haven’t been going well for Albert Pujols, or me — poor Albert’s batting .208 and I upped my performance in the last game by over 100 places and still finished in the low 400s. It’s not a good year for the two of us.

So we’re switching it up … this time the Friday League (happening tomorrow night) is offering prizes from a $200 cash pool, but with only 110 seats available in the game. The entry fee is a measly two bucks and you can enter up to three times, but I only get to enter once, with my sad Albert Pujols team. Because of that, you can get your entry fee back on all three of their entries if all of the them beat my team. It’s basically free again, with even easier money on top than normal. Sign up before I shake my head at you.

Here’s how it works, in case you’re a square and haven’t played yet:

And with this new set up, you’d be losing money by NOT playing. Sign up now and put me out of my misery!

Aw, at least your beard is neatly trimmed.

Yesterday, I examined the slump of Albert Pujols and his inability to hit a home run so far this season, as he and his Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are settling themselves into quite the hole. The Halos lost their 4th consecutive game yesterday – the Tampa Bay Rays won 4-3 thanks to a walk-off bomb from Brandon Allen – and are now 9 games back of the first place Texas Rangers. Not looking good for Mike Scioscia and company.

But the good news is that Pujols was 1-for-4 yesterday, ending his hitless streak at 21 at-bats. Still, he has no home runs this season and he has tied his longest power outage at 26 games. The man who just inked a 10-year, $240 million deal – with another decade or so of front office work tacked on – now hasn’t hit a dinger in 105 regular season at-bats. Apparently people are ignoring his Mr. October night against the Texas Rangers in the World Series, but who remembers when he was a St. Louis Cardinal anyway?

Thankfully, the Internet is awesome and someone made my favorite photoshop of the week as a tribute to Pujols. Seriously, I heart this so much.

(Banner via Getty.)

When the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim swooped in and signed Albert Pujols out of nowhere, a lot of people thought giving the guy $240 million was a pretty bold move. It turned out, though, that the team just signed a gazillion dollar TV deal, so the Angels had a quarter of a billion dollars burning a hole in their pocket, and a 3-time MVP who has been a consistent .300/30/100 guy is hardly a risk. So why the hell does he suck so far this season?

At least that’s the question that the media types are asking as Pujols is just a few games from breaking his longest streak without a home run (26 games). El Hombre or the Machine, whichever he prefers to be called in his new city, is hitting a pathetic .222 with 0 dingers and just 4 RBI in his first 18 games with the Halos, who are dead last in the AL West at 6-12. But don’t worry, those media folks know exactly what’s wrong.

For starters, his new stadium is way too big:

According to his spray chart, Pujols has hit four long drives at Angels Stadium, with four balls being caught deep and one hitting off the top of the wall. “He’s very frustrated with that ballpark. The ball doesn’t carry there,” another scout said. “He probably underestimated the ballpark, and how tough it is to hit home runs there.” (Via CBS Sports)

Or maybe it’s that whole new team with a lot of hype to live up to thing that’s got him cold:

“He was in the comfort zone in St. Louis,” the second scout said. “Now he’s in a new place and feels he has to prove something all over again. It’s mental.”

One prominent agent (not Pujols’ guy) said nearly every big player had a short adjustment period to his new surroundings. Last year Carl Crawford and Adam Dunn were among the new free agents adjusting to a change of locale.

Yeah, and Adam Dunn’s still hitting .239 and striking out like he’s putting out forest fires, while Carl Crawford is on the DL for the eleventy billionth time.

So is it his confidence that’s shot? He doesn’t think so:

“I know I have power,” Pujols said. “I know I can hit the ball from corner to corner. I know all that, but I’m not going to think about getting caught up and saying, ‘Man, I haven’t hit a home run.’ … I have, what, 445 for a reason.” (Via USA Today)

Did you guys come here to listen to him make excuses or sock some dingers? But it has to be made clear that it’s mostly Pujols’ fault that the Angels have already dug themselves into a hole they may never recover from (they’ve never recovered from a 6.5 game deficit to take the division).

It’s hard to lay the blame on any one player, but Pujols has been a huge disappointment. Perhaps the three-time NL MVP is overdoing it in trying to live up to the lofty $254 million deal he signed this winter, but he is mired in the worst stretch of his career, an 0-for-19 slide that has dipped his average to a mere .222. Not to mention he’s yet to hit a home run and only has four RBIs on the year and even heard boos on the Angels’ last homestand. (Via the Miami Herald)

Perhaps manager Mike Scioscia is to blame for it all.

“Would we rather have a better record at this point? Absolutely,” said manager Mike Scioscia, who has tried 14 different lineups. “There’s a mild frustration with some guys because they know we wanted to get off to a good start, and we’re not there right now. But the talent in this team is real, and it will come to the forefront, and when that starts to happen, I think you’ll see a lot of guys start relaxing and getting into their game.” (Via San Francisco Chronicle)

I know, Pujols’ previous success with the St. Louis Cardinals was a familiarity thing. He played in Busch so much that he just knew how to hit home runs there easier than other parks or maybe he always had a better supporting cast in St. Louis.

Albert will not hit 30 homers. The Anaheim park is more difficult to to hit home runs in than Busch. He doesn’t have a Scott Rolen or a Jim Edmonds or a Matt Holliday or a Lance Berkman hitting behind him. And he doesn’t know the pitchers yet. Much of Pujols’ success has depended on knowledge. This having been said, he still will have a good year, but not what we’ve seen. At least not this year. (Via St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

I’ll take that bet. The thing I love about baseball is the Chicken Little attitude early on. Sure, for Kansas City Royals and Houston Astros fans, the sky falls quickly. But the Angels are stacked, and they have the benefit of MLB having two Wild Cards now. I have a feeling Pujols and Anaheim will be just fine.

In the meantime, please enjoy my two favorite Pujols GIFs.

Haha, suck it, fan of the other team.

No f-ing way, indeed, Jeff.

(Banner via Getty.)

Last week, at the Major League Baseball winter meetings in Dallas, the unthinkable happened – the Florida Marlins actually spent money. But almost as remarkable, Albert Pujols signed a contract with a team not named the St. Louis Cardinals. As we all know all too well by now, Pujols signed a 10-year, $254 million guaranteed contract with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, presumably because it’s a team so Christianly nice it has Angels in it twice.

The real reason that the Angels made the splash was that they had just signed a $3 billion TV deal with Fox Sports, so owner Arte Moreno, despite previously lambasting his fellow owners for long, guaranteed contracts, was playing with house money. Also, it helped nab C.J. Wilson at a bargain, so why not do it? The reason the Cardinals didn’t match the offer is because they didn’t just sign a $3 billion TV deal and it would have meant that ¼ of the team’s payroll would be locked up in a soon-to-be 32-year old for a decade.

But now we’re in that awful aftermath period, like the complete opposite of orgasmic bliss, as the Cardinals are trying to focus on remaining competitive and Pujols and his camp try to save some face with a community that now questions his motives. So of course his wife, Deidre, went on the St. Louis Christian radio station that they help fund, and she offered some insight.

“The devil has overplayed his hand because I have Christian folk trying to throw the Word in my face,” she said.

The couple acknowledged Saturday afternoon that local support for their St. Louis-based Pujols Family Foundation has already eroded. Deidre Pujols said she has “never seen hatred spread so fast, and I understand why. Let me say that Albert and I never, not one time, intended to leave the city.”

(Via the St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

That’s true. In fact, here’s the wildfire quote of the week that is also being thrown in Pujols’ and his wife’s faces.

“Do I want to be in St. Louis forever? Of course. People from other teams want to play in St. Louis and they are jealous that we’re in St. Louis because the fans are unbelievable. So why would you want to leave a place like St. Louis to go somewhere else and make 3 or 4 more million a year? It’s not about money. I already got my money. It’s about winning, that’s it.” – Albert Pujols (February 15, 2009)

Now, 2 years can change a lot. Maybe he thought the Cards would win back-to-back World Series and he was disappointed by only winning one. But people don’t know that so they read the quote and then they wonder, “Hey, wasn’t the difference between the Angels’ and Cardinals’ offers 3 or 4 more million?” Kind of. Pujols and Co. claim the Cardinals’ 10-year, $220 million wasn’t guaranteed – the team says it was – and that it was loaded with deferred money, which it also was.

But then Deidre also stated that she and her three-time MVP bread-winner were insulted by a 5-year offer from the Cards that would have paid him $26 million annually, more than any first baseman in baseball. They were insulted because it showed a lack of faith. Others will argue that Pujols stressed repeatedly that it was about business now, and the Cards were simply making a business offer, as a team does when a player becomes a free agent.

Regardless, I think I speak for most Cardinals fans and probably all baseball fans when I say, Enough already. Just let it die. People are going to be pissed. That’s sports. For instance, I think Al is full of sh*t. Oh well, he’s a pro athlete. But next year, the year after, and even 10 years from now? I’ll still be thankful I got to enjoy the better part of his career. Most Cards fans will. So just stop talking about it and making it worse, and let us be the bitter ex-girlfriends until we find a new man. Also, I’m glad I can finally say this – hehehe, poo holes.

Always relevant.

Since we last spoke of America’s pastime – I believe it was all the way back on Monday – not much has changed in the playoff picture. While the New York Mets have proven that anything is possible, the divisional races are basically all settled, but the Wild Card races in both divisions are as warm as the side of the pillow that you just flipped over. I was never meant to be on SportsCenter.

The Boston Red Sox currently lead the Tampa Bay Rays and Los Angeles Angels by 2 and 3.5 games, respectively, while the Atlanta Braves have a 2.5 game lead on the St. Louis Cardinals and a 4.5 lead on the San Francisco Giants. After tonight’s game against the Florida Marlins, the Braves have a series against the Washington Nationals, before they close out the regular season with three games against the Philadelphia Phillies, who would undoubtedly love to knock the Braves out of the playoffs.

Making things even more difficult for Atlanta, the Cardinals play the Astros and Cubs (the Giants have it tough as well with the Rockies and Diamondbacks) so the NL race will be butthole tight the rest of the way. And if that doesn’t sound like a daunting enough task for the Braves, Major League Baseball is throwing superstition into play by launching the Braves’ “Legends are Born in October” commercial tonight. Ouch.

A whole season doomed by Lady Luck after the jump.

(Via Hardball Talk)

Vernon Wells redefined the meaning of common sense on Sunday when he announced that he would not *GASP!* opt out of his contract after this season. Five years ago, Wells signed a 7-year contract with the Toronto Blue Jays worth $126 million, so it shouldn’t take a math genius to figure out why he wouldn’t want to stick out those final three years, despite the fact that he’s not worth even half of what he’s being paid.

And you can’t blame the guy, because who the hell would give up that kind of cheddar? But just in case you were wondering, Wells offered up his reasoning.

“Why would you waive your no-trade clause (to accept a trade to the Angels) and then opt out one year later?

“Maybe it’s just society, but people put too much on struggling,” Wells said. “All of a sudden, everything is negative – you’re a bad guy; you’re unhappy. It’s a struggle, yeah. But that’s all it is. I’ve struggled before. Baseball is such a different game. You can be an All-Star one year, struggle the next year and become an All-Star again.

“It is what it is. … (Southern California) is a great place to live, a great place to play. I’ve got a lot of good years left and I look forward to having them there.”

(Via OC Register)

Well, he has three years left, sure. Unless the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim can find a team that would be dumb enough to take on that kind of contract. Maybe the Blue Jays are interested.

In the meantime, a lot of focus has been on one specific line from Wells – “Maybe it’s just society…” – because it’s just such a contrived cop out of a line. Essentially he’s saying that society shouldn’t be concerned with his .222 batting average this season because he’ll work it out while he makes $21 million per season over the next three seasons. And now my brain hurts.

Fortunately, Aaron Gleeman of NBC Sports and Rotoworld, among others, saw past the brain pains and figured Wells’ new catchphrase deserves its own meme. Who am I to disagree? After the jump, check out the Internet’s response to Gleeman’s battle cry, as well as some of With Leather’s favorite characters getting in on the action, too.

That’s Anaheim’s GM Tony Reagins.

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It’s funny because his name is Vernon Wells, too.

With just nine days of regular season baseball remaining, we actually have two very heated wild card races remaining with 6 teams involved. In the American League, the Boston Red Sox have dropped 2 in row to the Tampa Bay Rays and have won just twice in their last 10 games, allowing the New York Yankees to presumably capture the AL East title, while the Rays have snuck up to 2 games back of the Sox for the wild card. Even the Anaheim Angels of Orange County Los Angeles California have taken advantage of the Sox slide and are now 4 games back.

In the National League, barring a New York Mets-esque collapse, the Milwaukee Brewers have the NL Central locked up, but the St. Louis Cardinals have taken advantage of the Atlanta Braves’ struggles and have crept to 3.5 games back in the wild card chase, with San Francisco also 4 games out with an 8-game winning streak. And all of this has been my roundabout way of getting to my favorite quote of this MLB season.

“When I was playing shortstop we were in first place. I know that. It is what it is.”

Can you guess who made this bold claim?

It’s none other than Cardinals error machine Ryan Theriot, who bitched to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that by making an error or two in Spring Training, he had invoked undeserved criticism over his fielding. And he’s totally right to complain. It was quite unfair that people gave him crap for a measly 17 errors in 91 games before he got the boot in favor of Rafael Furcal. Sure, it’s the highest amount of errors he’s ever had in a season in his career, but he certainly doesn’t need to be criticized for it.

People are just jerks.

(Banner via Reuters.)

On July 5, in the 10th inning of a 2-2 game against the Oakland Athletics, Franklin Gutierrez and Brendan Ryan scored to give the Seattle Mariners a 4-2 victory and a .500 record. Normally that kind of story wouldn’t be worth telling, but it was also the last time that Seattle has won a game. Since that night in Oakland, the Mariners have lost 17 games in a row. The American League record is 21 (1988 Baltimore Orioles) and the Major League Baseball record is 23 (1961 Philadelphia Phillies). After last night’s 4-1 one-hit loss to C.C. Sabathia and the New York Yankees, it’s looking like a record could be on the cold, rainy Emerald City horizon.

As a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally regarded as one of the most intelligent, classy and, in this case, sympathetic fans in sports. Seattle fans are a good, knowledgeable and loyal bunch, but they’re never really regarded in the same conversations as the other heartbroken fan bases in sports, like those of the Pittsburgh Pirates or the Cleveland Anythings. After losing the Supersonics to Oklahoma City and Super Bowl XL to the Pittsburgh Steelers, the fans of Seattle sports really only have the Mariners to hang their hopes on (with all due respect to Charlie Whitehurst and your 2011 Seahawks).

That’s why this losing streak is just so sad. Sad enough that I thought we could take a look back at the games, with the help of some really sad pooches. Oh, and for full appreciation of a Mariners fan’s sorrow, play this song in another window.

Special Breaking Score Update: There’s been a new dog added to reflect today’s Yankees-Mariners outcome.

Some guy named Guillermo Moscoso pitched 7 innings of 2-hit baseball to give the M’s back-to-back losses. No big deal, right?

This loss was pretty simple – Jered Weaver. The younger brother of nutbag Jeff pitched a complete game gem to make it three in a row and a legit losing streak for the M’s.

Close but no smoked salmon. The M’s entered the 9th tied at 3 with the Halos, but Anaheim rookie Mike Trout made a diving catch to close out Seattle in the top half and Mark Trumbo ended the game with a walk-off blast.

Close games be damned. Torii Hunter hit two home runs and drove in 5 RBI while completely demoralizing M’s pitcher Michael Pineda. Seattle matched Anaheim with 12 hits, but the Mariners left 11 runners stranded.

Dan Haren allowed 5 hits and 2 two runs to sink the M’s for their 5th-consecutive loss. Felix Hernandez pitched 7 strong innings for the M’s but his bullpen failed him. With so many Japanese fans, they should be happy nobody demanded Seppuku.

Derek Holland was coming off a complete game shutout when he faced the Mariners, and their slumping ways gave him all he needed for a repeat performance. Holland was perfect through 5 and only gave up 5 hits over the last 4 innings.

Another shutout, this time by Colby Lewis, who pitched 8 2/3 innings of 4-hit baseball. Over the now 7-game losing streak, Ichiro Suzuki’s batting average dropped from .275 to .264.

C.J. Wilson recorded his 10th win of the season in the Mariners’ 8th consecutive loss. But for Felix Hernandez, it was just another tale of a broken back. The King carried the M’s for 7 innings before he gave up 3 runs in the 8th inning. He’s aware that other teams want him, right?

Four-game sweep complete, the Rangers got another gem from Matt Harrison in his best performance of the season. The Mariners’ averages were falling faster than an FSU applicant’s SAT scores. (Yay, it’s college football joke time!)

The desperation was there, and so was the effort. But the win still wouldn’t happen. The Blue Jays and Mariners fought for 14 innings before John McDonald hit a walk-off sac fly to give the birds the victory. Ichiro was 1-for-7 and his average was down to an incredibly poor .260.

Jason Vargas was shelled for 5 runs in 3 innings and the M’s couldn’t rally any support until it was too late. Amazingly, the Jays had 11 runs and Jose Bautista had very little to do with it, which makes it all the more sad.

Miguel Olivo hit a game-tying grand slam in the 8th inning to give the Mariners a much-needed boost, but the bullpen missed that memo and gave 2 runs right back to the Jays. At least Ichiro went 3-for-4 and raised his average to .265.

Another game, another loss, another case of Felix Hernandez carrying the burden and collapsing. King Felix took a 2-1 deficit into the 7th when the Red Sox unleashed on him for 5 runs. Seattle came back with a 3-run rally in the 8th but it was already over.

Dustin Ackley’s 3-for-5 performance at the plate was the only bright spot in this 14th consecutive dud for the Mariners. Ackley raised his average to a team-leading .292. Yikes.

Michael Pineda was rocked again, as he surrendered 5 runs in the first inning of his 4 1/3 inning “meh”fort. Ackley went 2-for-5 and raised his average to .297. Funny, his average was pushing toward .300 as quickly as the M’s winning percentage.

Meltdown City. The Yankees poured 8 runs on Seattle’s Jason Vargas, with two errors not helping the cause either. To make it all worse, the Mariners were completely done in by their former (washed up) ace, Freddy Garcia. Maybe they can get him in a trade for Felix Hernandez.

(And, as mentioned, No. 17 was last night. Now go home and hug your dogs.)

/glare

Something’s not quite right about baseball season this year. Maybe it needs time to settle. The Baltimore Orioles are 4-0. The Tampa Bay Rays added some big name free agents to their roster and they’ve yet to win a game. Cats and dogs are living together. Mass hysteria.

Whatever the problem, it’s time for the Rays to come together and figure out how to start winning ball games. Tonight they take on the Angels, and because you have never heard a joke about how long that team’s name is before, here is another one: The Los Angeles California Angels of the West Coast of the United States Area Code 90012 But Actually Anaheim.

Today’s Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	**Online Host** Welcome to the Tampa Bay Rays Chatroom!
	Maddon11: so, we lost three games in a row to the Baltimore Orioles. Now I’m open to suggestions on-
	Maddon11: kyle what are you doing
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hangen myself to my fcuken death with this rope cant live with the exerstential traumas of liven in a worl where baltimores orioles are my superior, would rather be ed up by some worms
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i explaned it all in the note
	Maddon11: Get down from there, nobody’s killing themselves. I mean, we used to play in jet black and neon green, it gets better
	Maddon11: so, suggestions on how to beat the Angels tonight
	MannyTheTorpedoes: ha we try scoring only 1 run
	Maddon11: yeah, we did that.
	MannyTheTorpedoes: like on price is righ so we no go over
	Maddon11: no, we already tried that.
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: have you considered brunging in the houdini of hard core kyle farnsworth to pitch 1/3 inning an give up 1 hit
	Maddon11: We tried that, too.
	BrignacPaddywhack: Have you tried our Secret Weapon?
	Maddon11: are you talking about you
	BrignacPaddywhack: Yes!
	Maddon11: are we talking about your .000 batting average, your 0 RBI or your 0 home runs
	BrignacPaddywhack: c’mon skip, those are antiquated statistics and you know it
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ya its like "wins" for a pitcher
	MannyTheTorpedoes: or wince for beisbol clob
	BrignacPaddywhack: We might not be winning any games, but we’re being extremely intangible about it.
	Maddon11: Well, we need to tangible. How do we win tonight?
	BrignacPaddywhack: Kidnap and torture the Rally Monkey!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: kidnape an torture tim salmon
	MannyTheTorpedoes: play spies
	MannyTheTorpedoes: kidnap an torture spies
	Maddon11: Any suggestions not involving kidnappings or torture?
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: can we have the oriols play them instead
	BrignacPaddywhack: yeah skip, the O’s are great, they’re like a super team of Monstar minor leaguers!
	MannyTheTorpedoes: an flaggererro
	BrignacPaddywhack: and Derrek Lee!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: an jeff conine probly
	BrignacPaddywhack: yeah, let the O’s play the Angels instead!
	MannyTheTorpedoes: the oase
	Maddon11: What about us? Isn’t there something we can do? Without the Orioles?
	BrignacPaddywhack: …
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: lol probly not

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com

Let’s recap: a sixth-grader BREAKS HIS ARM IN FRONT OF 30,000 PEOPLE, only to get up and keep running. Beecher, it’s people like you that add to humanity all of those things that I take away. Video evidence of Beecher’s testicular fortitude awaits you after the jump. I salute you, young sir who stole his name from a porno western movie. Good luck in puberty, not that you’ll need it. via.