For all the jokes we make about TMZ writers and their obnoxious use of ellipses, I have to admit that I shamefully enjoy it when they “report” random stories tongue-in-cheek. For example, yesterday they proclaimed to have “blockbuster” news about MLB Hall-of-Famer Rod Carew, and I was like, “Oh snap, did he murder someone? Is he pulling a Morgan Freeman and marrying his granddaughter? Is he finally becoming a professional wrestler?”

And I would have never guessed what TMZ was actually overusing the caps lock key about, because it wasn’t blockbuster at all.

Take off your yarmulke … put down that gin and tonica … ’cause Hall-of-Famer Rod Carew isn’t Jewish after all … despite the lyrics in Adam Sandler’s famous “Hanukkah Song.”

But when we ran into Rod at LAX this weekend, the baseball legend set the record straight .. he never actually converted back in the day.

Don’t worry, Rod says he and Adam talked about the mistake after the song was released … and the two even struck up a friendship over the mix up.

They “talked” about it? They struck a friendship? DAMN IT, ROD. You could have sued Sandler for everything before he ever had a chance to become famous and prevented this world from ever having to see Grown Ups or especially That’s My Boy.

Have you seen Jack and Jill, Rod? I have, and now knowing that you could have crushed Sandler years ago for lying about you and making millions of dollars in the process, I place a curse on your soul that you be forced to watch Just Go with It on every single plane flight for the rest of your life, and may that life be long and plentiful so you suffer while watching Brooklyn Decker act. You’ve earned this.

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Internet super sleuth Jimmy Traina revealed an interesting little tidbit about Anaheim Angels ace C.J. Wilson in yesterday’s PM edition of Hot Clicks. It seems that the top free agent pitching acquisition of the past offseason has not only been enjoying his team’s bounce back from a horrendous start – they’re now in second in the AL West, 10 games above .500 and 4 back of Texas – but also a little off-the-radar relationship with a special young lady.

That lady, as it turns out, is 23-year old Brazilian model Lisalla Montenegro. While we don’t know very much about this lovely young lady, we do know that Wilson told Traina that they’re trying to keep their relationship on the downlow and would like for people to respect their privacy.

Hey, we read you loud and clear, C.J., which is why in this collection of pictures that I gathered of Lisalla after the jump, you’re not in any of them.

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All right, that’s debatable. But hey, Mike Trout’s only making what, circa 400K this season? Even he could use a 998-dollar profit.

FanDuel.com Fantasy Baseball returns this week, giving you and 64 other people a chance to win money from a $1000 prize pool. All you’ve got to do to play is drop in 2 bucks. Or 6 bucks, if you want to run up to three teams. Very little bucks, is what I’m saying.

Here’s how to play:

Our fantasy game happens this Friday night (aka TONIGHT, GUY), so head on over now, sign up, draft your team and win some cash. I’ll be playing, as soon as I figure out how to draft Mike Trout 10 times. Why won’t it let me make him a pitcher? Mike Trout is probably a pretty good pitcher.

Our ongoing fantasy baseball games through FanDuel haven’t been going well for Albert Pujols, or me — poor Albert’s batting .208 and I upped my performance in the last game by over 100 places and still finished in the low 400s. It’s not a good year for the two of us.

So we’re switching it up … this time the Friday League (happening tomorrow night) is offering prizes from a $200 cash pool, but with only 110 seats available in the game. The entry fee is a measly two bucks and you can enter up to three times, but I only get to enter once, with my sad Albert Pujols team. Because of that, you can get your entry fee back on all three of their entries if all of the them beat my team. It’s basically free again, with even easier money on top than normal. Sign up before I shake my head at you.

Here’s how it works, in case you’re a square and haven’t played yet:

And with this new set up, you’d be losing money by NOT playing. Sign up now and put me out of my misery!

Aw, at least your beard is neatly trimmed.

Yesterday, I examined the slump of Albert Pujols and his inability to hit a home run so far this season, as he and his Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim are settling themselves into quite the hole. The Halos lost their 4th consecutive game yesterday – the Tampa Bay Rays won 4-3 thanks to a walk-off bomb from Brandon Allen – and are now 9 games back of the first place Texas Rangers. Not looking good for Mike Scioscia and company.

But the good news is that Pujols was 1-for-4 yesterday, ending his hitless streak at 21 at-bats. Still, he has no home runs this season and he has tied his longest power outage at 26 games. The man who just inked a 10-year, $240 million deal – with another decade or so of front office work tacked on – now hasn’t hit a dinger in 105 regular season at-bats. Apparently people are ignoring his Mr. October night against the Texas Rangers in the World Series, but who remembers when he was a St. Louis Cardinal anyway?

Thankfully, the Internet is awesome and someone made my favorite photoshop of the week as a tribute to Pujols. Seriously, I heart this so much.

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When the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim swooped in and signed Albert Pujols out of nowhere, a lot of people thought giving the guy $240 million was a pretty bold move. It turned out, though, that the team just signed a gazillion dollar TV deal, so the Angels had a quarter of a billion dollars burning a hole in their pocket, and a 3-time MVP who has been a consistent .300/30/100 guy is hardly a risk. So why the hell does he suck so far this season?

At least that’s the question that the media types are asking as Pujols is just a few games from breaking his longest streak without a home run (26 games). El Hombre or the Machine, whichever he prefers to be called in his new city, is hitting a pathetic .222 with 0 dingers and just 4 RBI in his first 18 games with the Halos, who are dead last in the AL West at 6-12. But don’t worry, those media folks know exactly what’s wrong.

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