horrifying photo credit: Shutterstock.com
Look at this guy. Haven’t you always wanted to smell like him? Now you can!
Today’s Dugout is after the jump.
Two important notes:
1. I did not make this up, I swear to God.
2. The Dugout template is being difficult, so please excuse our mess.
People are too hard on baseball. “Wahhhhh, shorten the season, 162 games is too long, my penis is too short,” people who hate baseball often say. Well to them I say that they might as well hate the smile of a child or the whiskers of a puppy. They may as well loathe the sunrise and detest the starry sky. And above all else they should just go ahead and cast Kate Upton’s giant breasts into the fiery lakes of hell, because baseball is still the greatest.
Thankfully, now we have two Wild Card spots in each league and that means more action down to the final day of the season.
Wednesday Night Baseball: Oakland Athletics at Detroit Tigers – 7 PM ET on ESPN
I don’t pay a lot of attention to the American League, so when I saw the A’s record the other day, I about pissed my leather pants. In fact, looking at this incredibly important matchup for the Tigers, I would have guessed that Detroit was 20-some-odd games above .500. Stupid Brad Pitt and his excellent general management skills.
If you haven’t been following the story of Los Angles Angels rookie Mike Trout this season, here’s the gist: he’s everything you want to like about Bryce Harper without all the things you hate about Bryce Harper.
Via AOL FanHouse:
[J.J.] Hardy thought he had his 12th home run of the season in the bottom of the first inning after he drove Jered Weaver’s breaking ball to deep right-center field. Trout ran all the way back to the warning track, leaped up and snagged the ball over his head before it landed beyond the fence. Trout hit the wall, landed on his feet and may have been more excited than Angels fans watching.
“Now that is Torii Hunter, circa 2002 against Barry Bonds in the All-Star Game,” the Angels announcer said as Trout celebrated the highlight.
Because they called it out by name, here’s that very Bonds clip for your comparing/contrasting needs:
All right, that’s debatable. But hey, Mike Trout’s only making what, circa 400K this season? Even he could use a 998-dollar profit.
FanDuel.com Fantasy Baseball returns this week, giving you and 64 other people a chance to win money from a $1000 prize pool. All you’ve got to do to play is drop in 2 bucks. Or 6 bucks, if you want to run up to three teams. Very little bucks, is what I’m saying.
Here’s how to play:
Our fantasy game happens this Friday night (aka TONIGHT, GUY), so head on over now, sign up, draft your team and win some cash. I’ll be playing, as soon as I figure out how to draft Mike Trout 10 times. Why won’t it let me make him a pitcher? Mike Trout is probably a pretty good pitcher.
No matter how many home runs Josh Hamilton hits or how many Austrian newspapers refer to him as an ex-junkie for doing so, the story of the 2012 baseball season thus far has and will continue to be the struggles of Albert Pujols.
Some call it a slump. Some call it penance for what he did to the St. Louis Cardinals. Some just enjoy typing their favorite slurs behind a hashtag. Regardless, the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim et al. have found themselves at the bottom of the AL West with nothing but the hope of a quick turnaround from El West Coast Hombre to save them.
Will it happen? Who knows? Today’s Dugout explores that question. It’s after e’jump.
In case you ever wanted to see Albert Pujols pull out a pistol and shoot somebody in the face, here’s Next Media Animation’s latest encapsulation of current events. If gun violence isn’t your bag, there’s also a moment where Angels owner Arte Moreno cuts a pizza with a chainsaw and tries to eat it with his face.
My favorite part is Taiwan’s super accurate portrayal of Texas — as a resident of central Texas myself, I can verify that we train our baseball teams by putting on Texas flag-themed clothing, dragging them out to the desert and whipping them while an Asian child does sabermetrics on a calculator. Put the kid in a long sleeve Longhorns shirt and you’re 100%.
Second best part: a Taiwanese lady trying to say “Wilson”. I don’t want to sound prejudiced or anything, but holy sh*t.
[via NMA World Edition]
