Meet Nicole Easton. “Nicky” to her friends. Like a lot of red-blooded American kids, she likes to spend her summers trying to jump from the roof of her house into a swimming pool. And, also like a lot of red-blooded American kids, she does not think the danger involved is serious until she’s ass-down on the cement with a pair of broken feet.

The video isn’t particularly graphic or anything, but yep, a teen jumped off a roof trying to be funny and broke both her feet in the name of SUMMER FUN. Here’s the update, courtesy of Bob’s Blitz:

Just had my ct today, and Wednesday I find out when my surgery is. My doctor is hoping for one foot I’m just hoping to be able to walk before summer is over. Its so hard to see my family wanting to go out and do stuff but can’t cause their Nikki can’t go. I wanna run, kick, swim in my pool… everything is so much harder. I would love to just be able to reach my sink without help… or clean this beautiful house. Ughhh… lesson learned. :( ohhh. And I hate the looks I get. Worst feeling ever. I can’t go anywhere and have someone just look me in the eyes. They always look at my feet. :( so that’s what I want. To do everyday things.

The question a lot of folks on the Internet are asking is, “if you broke both of your feet jumping off your roof, why is your Mom uploading it to YouTube?” And furthermore, “if you upload a video of your daughter jumping off a roof and breaking her feet, (1) where the hell were you when you should’ve been somewhere teaching your daughter not to jump off the f**king roof, and (2) you KNOW people are gonna react to this like every other Fail Video on the Internet, right?” The answer to question one is “shut up,” and the answer to question to is “you are Godless.”

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Maniac.

On July 27, 2009, a world record was set that most people thought would never be broken. But as we’ve seen over the past several years through my unabashed love of bizarre global competition, no record is safe as long as one person has the ambition and drive to be better. In this case, it was an athlete fittingly known as Diesel who set the record in question, and that record was, of course, the longest jump ever by a guinea pig. Eat your hearts out, Summer Olympians.

But earlier this year, according to perennial Pulitzer contender Guinea Pig Today, a 13-year old Scottish girl named Chloe said, “ACH! NO!” and other various unintelligible things, I presume, and she set out to break the world record with either her sister’s guinea pig, Nibbles, or her own boar, Truffles. Turns out, Nibbles was worthless, like the Ozzie Canseco of rodents. But Truffles? That f*cking guinea pig was special from the start. So special, in fact, that on March 15, Truffles CRUSHED Diesel’s record of 20.5 cm by more than 9 cm.

So does a world record holder just sit on its furry ass and wait for some other sock filled with tennis balls to come along and break its record? Apparently, yes. Because a guinea pig from Peru (dressed as a pirate, perhaps?) broke Truffles’ record shortly after. Chloe and Truffles finally nutted up and retook the world record in recent weeks by leaping more than 48 cm. And now, because you need to, you can watch the record breaking jump.

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Or, “more like PARK-our, am I right?”

British long jump champion J.J. Jegede, who I think we all agree could use a few more Js in his name, jumped over three MINIs this week as part of a promotional event for a new, 2012 limited edition of the vehicle, and to promote his own Olympic dreams. Jegede is looking to make his first Olympics, and according to Chris Chase at Fourth-Place Medal, the roughly six-meter jump would have earned him 8th place at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. If he’d dunked at the end of it he would’ve won Rookie of the Year.

Of course, he didn’t really jump over them, he just jumped the length of them side-by-side. If he’d actually jumped over three MINIs he wouldn’t be headed to the Olympics, he’d be outfitted with a patriotic suit and sent somewhere to fight Nazis.