"Your'e next, freak shows."

While most athletes will be looking to break world records in their respective events, McDonald’s is looking to set some new world records as well, by cramming two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, and cheese down the vuvuzela holes of everyone at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. The fast food goliath has constructed four temporary locations in Olympic Park, with each station featuring 32,000-sq. ft. of Golden Arches goodness.

So what can the world’s greatest athletes and their fans hope for? Well, the McUsual calories.

“The one in the Athletes Village is likely to be the busiest of all of them and athletes know more than most people what they should and shouldn’t be eating,” Jill McDonald, chief executive at McDonald’s UK, told The Sun.

The food choices at the Olympics will be largely identical to the fast-food giant’s fare around the world — burgers, milkshakes, fries and chicken nuggets. (Via the NY Daily News)

I love the message there – “Look, we know that we’re going to serve tens of thousands of Big Macs during the Olympics, but people should be smart enough to know if they should actually eat them or not.” And of course people are pissed off at McD’s for this kind of culinary dominance at an event that features people who are role models for their dedication to physical fitness and throwing metal balls.

Were you aware that obesity is a problem in the world’s richer countries? Ha, me neither! So let’s check this fancy ass McDonald’s out before people absolutely destroy it.

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It’s hard to say that living the dream is dead when women like Donna Condliffe are out there dreaming big. Condliffe, according to the Daily Mail, recently quit her job with a fancy financial institution to start her own business. That business? Designing high-end clothing for dogs to help our favorite pets celebrate the 2012 Summer Olympics.

‘The inspiration for the Olympic dog clothes came as there is a real buzz starting as we count down to the London 2012 games and I felt what better way to involve our pets, in what will be a fantastic spectacle for the whole of Great Britain.

‘It will be great to see the whole country wearing red, white and blue and really getting behind the athletes, and how good that we can include our pets, who are, after all, a big part of our family!’

‘I wanted to start a business on a subject I am passionate about, I am animal mad and have 2 rescue dogs myself so it was an easy decision.

Man, where was this lady when the Ukraine was dealing with all those stray dogs and pee-soaked mattresses before the Euro 2012 tournament? She could have dressed all the strays up like adorable Russian priests while someone built the Saint Sophia Cathedral out of mattresses. Man, that would’ve been adorable.

Unfortunately for us Yanks, Condliffe is only offering Union Jack pooch clothes for British dogs to celebrate their favorite athletes. So I strongly suggest that American Olympics fans create their own costumes to help their dogs celebrate their favorite American athletes. For instance, I already put a wifebeater on my pitbull and smeared motor oil and mayonnaise on it, because hooray for Abby Wambach!

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Creepy floating heads edition.

When I’m wrong, I’m the first to admit that I was wrong. And boy did the NBA’s defending champs make me look like a fool. Last week, I predicted that no team would be swept from the NBA Playoffs last week, and to make matters worse, I boasted that it was a sucker’s prediction because only one team had the possibility of sweeping its opponent through Saturday, and that was the Oklahoma City Thunder. But I thought for sure that Dirk Nowitzki and Co. would show some scrap and claw back for one win. Wrong.

Oh well, I never said that the prediction machine was a perfect beast, but it’s close to perfect, because I was right about everything else, including the winner of the Kentucky Derby*. And that builds enough confidence for me to move forward with another round of brilliant sports predictions.

*I did not pick the winner of the Kentucky Derby in last week’s post, but I was totally like, “Oh yeah, bros, I pick I’ll Have Another.”

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For longer than I’ve lived in Central Florida, there’s been this quiet optimism that there could one day be a Summer Olympics right in Mickey Mouse’s back yard. There have been plenty of proposed ideas of how it could happen – from using Disney’s seemingly endless property on a loaner to a joint venture between Orlando and Tampa with facilities all along Interstate 4 – and none of them would ever work in a million years. But every time the International Olympics Committee meets to choose future summer sites, people in Florida start buzzing.

And the point of this edition of “Cool story, bro” is that hosting the Olympic games is severely overrated because cities just don’t make any money anymore. Back in 2010, city officials in Chicago spent $50 million just to bid on hosting the Olympics in 2016. Had their bid been accepted, Chicagoans would have been on the hook for $5 billion in up front expenses. Luckily, the bid wasn’t accepted, as Chicago didn’t even make it past the first round, so *flush noise* to that $50 million.

Not everything is doom and gloom, though. Atlanta proved that there is life after the Olympics by turning all of its event venues into state-of-the-art facilities for the city’s current sports teams – the Olympic Stadium is Turner Field, for example. Perhaps it would have been nice if someone had sent that blueprint to the folks in Beijing, as some people recently asked the question, “Hey, what happened to all of those venues the Chinese constructed to host the 2008 Summer Olympics and cost the country an absurd, record-setting $48 billion?”

Oh, they’re just chilling. Presumably holding a ton of brand new wigs.

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