I hope you have a great Tuesday … uh, Wednesday, sorry, THURSDAY from four years ago. She uh, probably shouldn’t have this sandwich. JOB. (via Bob’s Blitz)

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Links

Crackpot’s Guide To How The Illuminati Infiltrated Television |Warming Glow|

WB Wants Ben Affleck To Direct Justice League. Wait, What? |Film Drunk|

Meme Watch: McKayla Is Not Impressed |With Leather|

‘The Dark Knight Rises’ Originally Had Buckets Of Bane Backstory |Gamma Squad|

Here’s What You Need To Know About Pussy Riot|UPROXX|

The Don: Nas’ 10 Best Guest Appearances |Smoking Section|

The 10 Best Moments From The First Episode Of ‘Hard Knocks’ |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Let’s All Look At Wiz Khalifa’s “O.N.I.F.C.” Album Cover |Smoking Section|

3 Reasons Minesweeper Has Achievements Now |Gamma Squad|

Methed-up gas huffer calling herself The Karate Kid tries to bite police |Film Drunk|

Annie’s Boobs Makes More Money Than You |Warming Glow|

Stop Whatever You’re Doing And Check Out The First HD Panoramic Pictures From Mars |UPROXX|

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Move over, Perd Hapley, there’s a new hilarious anchor in town. Minneapolis and St. Paul NBC affiliate KARE 11 sent anchor Eric Perkins to London for the 2012 Summer Olympics, and sure, he did his job by talking to boring, old athletes like Kevin Love and some other people who aren’t funny, but thankfully Perkins took matters of hilariousness into his own hands when he hit Bridge Street in front of the iconic Big Ben clock tower and… get ready to piss yourself… he asked people what time it was!

Oh my God, you need to watch the video right now, because it is the most incredible definition of LOLs and LMAOs you will ever see. Unfortunately, KARE 11 and NBC Olympics are all, “Hey, you can’t embed our videos, you scoundrels!” so you’ll have to go to their website to watch it, but when you’re rolling on the floor in a puddle of your own filth as you scream from exhaustive laughter, you’ll thank me. Oh you’ll thank me.

And after the jump I have another one of Perk’s hilarious on-air pranks. I won’t spoil it for you, but it is anything but a snoozer… *stifles laughter, resumes reading Family Circus cartoons*

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KTLA-TV news reporter Allie MacKay spanks a mascot, because … ? I liked this clip’s strong, Christian message. (via Speleb)

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Links

15 Ironic T-Shirts The NBA Should Also Sell |With Leather|

5 Possible Directors for The “Black Panther” Movie |Gamma Squad|

Beyond Radiohead: 10 Lesser-Known Acts To Check Out At Bonnaroo |UPROXX|

10 Instances Of Jennifer Love Hewitt Looking Gloriously Thick |Smoking Section|

The 25 Most Devastating Insults on ‘Veep’ |Warming Glow|

“Snow White & The Huntsman is a triumph of feminist storytelling” |Film Drunk|

Ranking The Viral YouTube Covers Of The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Theme |UPROXX|

Not Just Nicki: 10 Other Rappers Express Their Feelings About Hot 97 In Their Songs |UPROXX|

Kanye West Feat. Big Sean & Pusha T & 2 Chainz – “Mercy” Video |Smoking Section|

EVERYONE, COME QUICK! IT’S THE DJANGO UNCHAINED TRAILER! |Film Drunk|

Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders Cover ‘Call Me Maybe’ |With Leather|

E3 Wrap Up — Links to All of GammaSquad’s Coverage and 10 More Videos of Interesting Games We Haven’t Covered Yet |Gamma Squad|

‘Franklin & Bash’ Recap: Hot Lady Cops and Brewskis, Bros |Warming Glow|

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Maybe the game wouldn’t have ended in a tie if LeBron had been able to make some important saves in the third period! (via Rant Sports)

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Links

Awesome Audience Guy Quickly Becoming A Meme |UPROXX|

5 Reasons Threequels Tend to Stink |Gamma Squad|

‘Game of Thrones’ Season Two GIF Recap |Warming Glow|

This Week In Original Etsy Sports Merchandise |With Leather|

Nas Delivers New “Life Is Good” Album Cover |Smoking Section|

The Good: New Dark Knight Rises Footage; The Bad: During MTV Movie Awards |Film Drunk|

‘Mad Men’ Discussion: Hung Up On The Pursuit Of Happiness |UPROXX|

Dutch Man Makes His Dead Cat Fly |UPROXX|

The xx Announce Sophomore Album & Release Date |Smoking Section|

Stephen Baldwin suing Kevin Costner over his oil spill machine |Film Drunk|

UFC Fans, Here’s Your Chance To Pay $40 For Smelly Street Garbage |With Leather|

Our 42 Favorite Facts From ‘Did You Know Gaming’ |Gamma Squad|

Scale of 1 to 10: How Tingly Does the New Breaking Bad Poster Make Your Naughty Bits? |Warming Glow|

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The best part of any sports mascot making national news is that I’ve probably got a picture with him.

That’s me on the right (in a Cliff Lee Indians shersey, if you need to place it) with Stomper, mascot of the Lake Erie Crushers, an independent minor league team in Lorain County, Ohio. In what I can only assume to be a terrible episode of “Saved By The Bell”, Stomper’s head has gone missing. The video, courtesy of the fine people at Sports Grid, details the full investigation launched to retrieve an enormous, custom-made plush bear head, and the real news is that the report is hilarious and unbelievably overblown.

The people interviewed don’t seem to care much (“uh, yeah, the head costs money, so”) but Fox News 8 breaks out the Mission: Impossible theme, provides a deep history of Stomper’s presence at the park and puts a passionate emphasis on how important his dancing has been to Lorain County. “You used to be able to see Stomper dancing here … but now you can’t.” This is easily the worst thing to happen to Minor League mascots since I couldn’t meet Dingbat of the Bristol White Sox because the kid who plays him was “at church”.

If you’re the type who might know where to find his “beautiful, furry face”, please contact the Lake Eerie Crushers. Also, what the hell is wrong with you?

[h/t Pete Holby]