Sports

11 Questions With Bob Sapp - I don’t think I could limit my questions for Bob Sapp to 11. One of them would have to be “do you think it was scientifically probable that the Great Muta’s poisoned mist impregnated Yinling the Erotic Terrorist, and if so, do you think there’s a logical reason why it would’ve impregnated her with a monster?” [Cage Potato]

Georgetown Hoyas Basketball Brawl In China - Watch a bunch of Chinese Thugs pick a fight with the Georgetown Hoyas. Or, for a more accurate analysis, “watch young people without perspective on the world fight each other for no real reason all around the world”. [Smoking Section]

UFC On Fox - I would pay good money for a The Ultimate Fighter/Glee crossover, but I know it would end with them pantomiming “Love Is A Battlefield” with a big spinning octagon in the background. Glee is maybe the worst thing ever. Maybe. [Cagewriter]

Athletic Supporter: Little League Dad - Punte said it best: “Grand total of f**ks given here about the Little League World Series: 0.00″. [Tauntr]

With Leather

Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, Mark Sanchez - Rex Ryan says Mark Sanchez is an elite NFL quarterback. In a related story, Clint Hurdle says Andy Marte is still one of the best prospects in baseball. And he thinks his GQ spread was hot as sh**, no homo. [With Leather]

The World’s Fattest Lady Wants To Be Fatter - Of course she does. Click here to find out what happens when Kaneda can’t stop her transformation in time. [With Leather]

Headlocks Are False Imprisonment - If putting your sister in a headlock can land you in jail, I’m happy the cops never found out about that time I put my friend’s girlfriend in the Liontamer on a diving board. [With Leather]

The Dugout: SFinal Destination - Part 2 will be arriving shortly, so treat this like a REAL Final Destination movie: you have to see the first one or none of it will make sense. Just kidding, a blind kitten could explain the plot of Final Destination 4 in about twenty seconds. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Best Wishes, Tara Reid: Celebrating Hollywood’s All-Time Shortest Marriages - Losing Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Connelly to waifish adulthood was sad, losing busty teen redhead Lindsay Lohan to drugs was worse, but losing Josie and The Pussycats-era Tara Reid to whatever happened to Tara Reid is the worst. She was SO CUTE, ARGH. [UPROXX]

Armond White’s 30 Minutes or Less Review Is a Masterpiece - Every lame nerd you’ve argued with on the internet should aspire to be Armond White. New professional goal: use the term “bourgeois” in a baseball recap. [Film Drunk]

TV Chefs Be Fightin’ - Hopefully this leads to Giada de Laurentiis killing Bobby Flay with a javelin, or any kind of large spear. I’m weird, I just want to see Giada in her own Conan The Barbarian thing. [Warming Glow]

What’s the most unfortunately-named band you could possibly think of to play a 9/11 concert? - I was gonna go with …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead, but this is pretty good too. [FARK]

Connor Echols plays Little League baseball for the 14U Cincy Flames. He jumped on Twitter and invited Cincinnati Reds second baseman Brandon Phillips to come watch his team play.

This is normally where celebrity Twitter interaction stories end. I’ve “talked” to Kanye West and Hulk Hogan, but the best thing I’ve gotten back is a “ha ha!” response from Kate Beaton. Well, Connor’s story didn’t end here, because Phillips took him up on the offer, commented on the overaggressive crazy people you find at a Little League game and took pictures with everybody. Now Connor has a story he can tell people for the rest of his life, and even his math teacher is talking to him about his Twitter.

It’s nice to know that sometimes people are cool, you know? We take it for granted, writing about these guys all the time like they’re our co-workers. I talk about Jim Thome like I know him. But it’s just reassuring to know that heroes once existed for a good reason, even if they’re just normal people who don’t really do anything special.

[via Hotclicks]

Brian McCann waited on second base for a sign, and when the umpires came out of their little replay cave, he got it–the twirly finger signal for a home run. McCann hit the first-ever walkoff shot to come under the scrutiny of instant replay, which triggered an odd comparison with Little League baseball. The princes of pubescence have had their own replay system in place for their Little League World Series: one that seems ridiculously practical and efficient.

Each coach can challenge any one call – that’s ONE call – and the umpire goes to a replay screen behind the grandstands underneath home plate to take a look at the play. It’s a pretty quick process, and if the coach is right, the play is reversed, and the coach keeps the right to challenge another play later if he or she chooses. If the umpire’s original call was correct, then the coach is out of challenges. –Scott Kendrick/About.com

Having said all of that, the Little League doesn’t belong on TV. Children should be seen on “America’s Got Talent” and not heard. Ever. If Whitney Houston could see the state of children today, she’d be spinning in her grave. What’s that? She’s still alive? Are you sure?

ASYLUM POLL: Should MLB expand instant replay?

Adam Bender is the Kentucky 8-year-old who doesn't let his disability get in the way of him playing sports.  Born with a tumor on his left leg, he underwent surgery to have the limb amputated on his first birthday, which — when you think about it — is the best gift a parent can give.

Obviously, this story's been making the rounds for the last couple days, but I felt With Leather should address it because amputee sports stories simply don't get enough attention.  Kind of like amputee porn that way.  Do you have any idea what a stump can do?  I've never wanted to lose my hand so badly.  Anyone got a thresher?

A seven-year-old Little Leaguer in Massachusetts is riding a two-game suspension because his selfish mom skipped out on her shift working at the league's concession stand.  The negligent, uncaring mom couldn't take a break from supporting her family financially and decided to work instead.

Dave Brouillette, head of the Freetown Youth Athletic Association, told MyFOXBoston that the concession revenues are necessary to fund the league's programs and that he has to enforce the rules, which require parents show up for their assigned concession stand shifts or risk suspensions for their children.

Brouillette told the station that he wasn't able to see his own son play because he had to cover the concession stand shift for Hooper.

What's the big fucking deal?  Who wants to see a GD Little League game nyway?  Seven-year-olds suck at baseball.  "Oh, boo hoo, I didn't get to see my son play."  Yeah, what did he do, pal?  Did he hit it out of the infield?  Score from first after a series of errors on a routine ground ball?  Quel dommage!  Oh, how will you ever get such precious memories back?

[Video report here; Deadspin/SbB]

Little League Baseball is suing Jay Kaplan, the man who founded "Christian Little League," for a pretty blatant trademark infringement.  Kaplan responded the only way a righteous Christian jackass knows how: by being a righteous Christian jackass.

"GOD is the ultimate judge and has the final say," he wrote in a March 15 letter to Little League's lawyers. Before filing suit Thursday, the organization's lawyers contacted Kaplan in a March 7 letter demanding that he stop using the Little League tag. The similar names could mislead and confuse the public by suggesting an affiliation between the groups, the lawyers wrote…

"Christian Little League was GOD's idea and it is a great and wonderful idea," wrote Kaplan, who grew up Jewish and converted to Christianity. "I have no plans on changing the name GOD gave me." [...] "My position is Little League should embrace the name of Jesus. Let's start with that."

Of course, Little League's heathen lawyers had to go and use things like "legal precedents" and "reason" in their response.

"The dispute is not theological, it is legal," the lawyers stated in a second letter sent March 17. They added: "Our client has no objection to your preaching the Gospel of Jesus Christ. … Our client simply requests that you do so under a different name."

I don't know why they're bothering with lawyers and legal threats.  Jesus freaks have minds not quite as complex as those of fish or birds — they have a tendency to get distracted by shiny things and walk through screen doors.  All Little League has to do is go is set a topiary on fire and leave a note saying "Jay, Let them have the name. -GOD" and this whole thing will be over.

[SPORTSbyBROOKS]