There’s no delicate way to phrase this. The Lingerie Football League, wherein women play 7-on-7 tackle American football wearing helmets and their underwear for male fans not satisfied with the physicality of pre-existing cheerleaders, has decided that lingerie football is empowering to women and are looking to start a version of the league for children. “Fully clothed, of course!” says the report, and the statement issued by founder and chairman (and man, and possible GEICO Caveman) Mitchell Mortaza is even less reassuring.

“Obviously the improvement of our game is directly tied into the development of the future LFL athlete. What excites us at the league is seeing the caliber of athletes improve so vastly each season, now imagine in five years when we start fielding athletes that have trained their entire life for the opportunity to play LFL Football.”

Yes. Imagine. Then, imagine how exciting it would be if they could play football without their vagina hanging out.

You can check out a report from Seattle’s King5.com after the jump, followed quickly by five things terrible about it.

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In case you didn’t enjoy the homosexual overtones of yesterday’s fantasy football freeroll announcement, here are the butts of some football girls. It’s a more predictable way to get you to sign up, but hey, I’m gonna try everything.

Our friends at DraftStreet have decided to stop punishing me with fantasy baseball failures and offer up money from a $250 cash pool to the top finishers in a With Leather Free Fantasy Football game. It’s free, it takes about a quarter of a second to prepare, and it can win you guaranteed cash money. Most pro football players aren’t even promised that. Click any of the hyperlinks in this post to sign up.

The game happens this weekend, and it’s going to work a lot like our baseball games; you’ll sign up (for free, again, I’m not going to make you pay for anything) and pick your team, and the team with the best performance in this Sunday’s games wins money. So do the next five top teams.

And there you have it. Fantasy football shouldn’t be as hard a sell as our previous fantasy baseball games, because fantasy football is extremely popular and nobody likes baseball. I’m going to be playing, and so will an absolute gaggle of UPROXX personalities I badger (at least Burnsy), so sign up and join in and brag to your friends about how badly you destroyed the editor and staff of popular sports blog.

And make sure they see this post, not yesterday’s.

I don’t know much about Canadian politics, other than you get free health care if you can wrestle a moose and hockey is the national pastime and flower, and I especially won’t pretend to know anything about the politics of a single Canadian city like Toronto.

With that said, Toronto’s Councillor, Doug Ford, could be just short of Slobodan Milosevic but I wouldn’t know or care because what I do know is that his daughter Krista (right) wants to play in the Lingerie Football League and he has offered his blessing despite his critics.

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On August 27 at the Showare Center Arena in Kent, Washington, the Los Angeles Temptation and Seattle Mist will kick off the 2010/11 Lingerie Football League season, offering women on 10 teams throughout the country the opportunity to prove that they can play a mean game of pigskin, too. Of course, they have to do it in their sexy underwear, but there’s nothing wrong with that, right? RIGHT???

Apparently there is, writes Orlando Sentinel columnist Shannon Owens, who has dusted off the “Why do female athletes have to be attractive to be successful” flag in an attempt to rally the troops against the idea of “sex sells” as an acceptable justification for female sports, as well as the exhibitionism of this league. You know, that women choose to play in. Some even drive across states for the opportunity, mainly because they think it’s fun. But I guess we need to walk a mile in their stiletto heels to really understand it.

Surely these women are all ashamed of their trade, Orlando Sentinel:
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Nine ex-Lingerie ballers have been served a cease and desist order for their loose-lipped rantings against the league on MySpace and Facebook.  Some of their complaints include the League’s reneging on their promise to pay medical bills associated with play, and disorganized practices.

League founder Mitchell Mortaza has allegedly reponded to the girls’ accusations with hostility, and by saying he wished at least one of the women would stop attending practice so he could sack her and collect her fine.

That fine–$5000–is detailed in the league’s standard player contract, which also warns of a $500 fine if a woman wears any “additional garments” underneath her lingerie uniform. The league, an ex-player told TSG, did not want women wearing bras or underwear, since that would inhibit instances where players were exposed when uniforms were ripped off or pulled down during play.–TheSmokingGun.com

The contract flat out says they have to agree to “accidentally” show a little kitty once in a while.  Why do these broads have to be so uptight?  So what if you get tackled and Oops! your tatas pop out?

Really these girls should be ashamed of themselves.  Everyone knows that MySpace is so passé!