"Oh well, guess I'm just stuck with my $110 million."
Two weeks ago, there was a juicy HOTT GOSS rumor floating around that Tiger Woods was offering his ex-wife Elin Nordegren $200 million to remarry him, and he was backing that up with an additional $350 million prenuptial agreement. Of this rumor, which came from the dismissive-wank-worthy National Enquirer, I wrote that it made no sense, because:
Nordegren already took $110 million from Woods in their divorce, so why would she trade the remaining shreds of her dignity for $200 million and endless public scorn?
Woods could save his $550 million package and still sleep with pretty much any girl on this planet.
It turns out that option 2 was correct, because the man who is probably going to win his seventh Farmers Insurance Open title today has apparently been dating Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn since November.
As a kid who grew up fearing the pink aisle because of what it said about me, I’m happy kids like this are starting to exist.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I spent Christmas Eve facepalming in Cowboys Stadium and I don’t even like the Cowboys. If you got gifts and want to let strangers know about them, tell us what you got in the comments section below. We’ve got staggered, “thread” style commenting enabled now, so people can troll you directly.
On A Christmas Story, Its Lessons For Hip-Hop & Biggie Smalls - “Rich and chocolate like Ovaltine!” – Ludacris, probably [Smoking Section]
New And Improved And Watchable Jingle All The Way - This makes me want to spend all day watching Commando. [UPROXX]
The 100 Greatest Christmas Shows - My pal Mike Westfall’s list from 2004, which sadly cannot include Annie Edison putting baby Jesus in the tree. Still a pretty definitive list. [Progressive Boink]
All I Want For Christmas Is A ‘Game Of Thrones’ Teaser And A Fresh Prince Reunion - My weirdest and most Abed-like career goal is to buy (or recreate) the set from The Fresh Prince, live there, and occasionally have James Avery stop by and hang out with me. Getting him to say WHAT THE BLAZES would be a bonus. [Warming Glow]
20 Screaming Santa Visits - I feel like kids who cry on Santa’s lap are fundamentally wrong, and this should be an indicator that what you’re doing isn’t working. A child should not be terrified of someone who wants to give them tons of gifts and already has their parents’ permission. They’re going to suck when they get older. [Buzzfeed]
The Colts Choked When They Tried To Suck - That gif is just the greatest thing in the world. And yes, the Texans blowing that game was a Christmas present to Indianapolis and/or St. Louis, you can’t convince me otherwise. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Hey Zelda Fans – The Timeline Exists, And Here It Is - I can’t believe I’m actually looking at this thing. It’s like I’ve found my way to El Dorado. [Gamma Squad]
Every Batman Suit Ever - Also, a great reminder that everything ever said by Batman not written for The Animated Series or the Justice League cartoon is f**king stupid sounding. [Film Drunk]
The 25 Greatest MMA Photos Of 2011 - MMA would be 100% better if they didn’t do that forced staredown thing every single time. Also, pro wrestling would be better if they didn’t try to do the MMA staredown for their video packages every week. [Cage Potato]
Lindsey Vonn Says She Isn’t Dating Tim Tebow - … but isn’t “opposed” to dating him. Well, hopefully that changed after this weekend. [Sportress Of Blogitude]
ACW: Delusions Of Our Childish Days 2011 - The Dirty Dirty Sheets review of the latest Anarchy show in Austin. Still not 100% on why I’m not their correspondent for these things, but hey. Rachel Summerlyn in a Santa suit. [DirtyDirtySheets]
American skier and Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn made a guest appearance on “Law & Order” last night, and she was so bad that they decided to cancel the whole show. Actually, she had filmed her scene before the decision not to renew the show for a 21st season was made, so it’s not like she cut the show with a broken champagne bottle or anything.
Upon learning on Thursday that her favorite show was in danger of being canceled, Vonn started a “Save Law & Order” page on Facebook. By Monday, the page had more than 15,700 Facebook users supporting her online effort. Vonn has more than 142,000 users connected with her own Facebook fan page. –Examiner.
Vonn played a secretary (bow chicka wow ow) who helped the detectives find some guy who was going to blow up a school, which is too bad, because I would have loved to see the show go out with a bang. But it’s not like the show won’t be on TV anymore. It’s in syndication everywhere. It’s as if Jerry Orbach never died.
With the Winter Olympics only three days away, it’s hard to argue that any member of Team USA can expect to have as good a month as skier Lindsey Vonn already has. Vonn made the cover of Sports Illustrated‘s Olympic preview, and is one of the four Olympians featured in that magazine’s swimsuit issue. I don’t know exactly how much swimming she expects to accomplish in Vancouver, but that’s none of my concern. Vonn’s already off to an impressive run this February, and her month is only expected to get better. Lindsey’s gallery at SI.com.
It was either that bouquet or the Tuna Can of Victory
Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn will compete in the slalom at the world championships this weekend, less than a week after severing a tendon in her had after slicing her thumb on a broken champagne bottle. I guess she thought to herself, “Do I really need both of these thumbs to ski?”
Vonn sliced her thumb when she grabbed a broken champagne bottle at a party celebrating her downhill victory on Monday. She traveled to Austria for surgery to repair a severed tendon.
She missed Thursday’s giant slalom and spent two days testing out a specially designed splint that will enable her to hold her ski pole.
I love how they specified that it was a ski pole, and not some random dude’s genitalia. How’d you like to have the guy that was supposed to get some at that party on Monday? I have a headache. I had a long day. I cut my hand on a champagne bottle. All women are liars. A transvestite told me that once, so maybe she was only half-right.
The 100 Greatest Christmas Shows - My pal Mike Westfall’s list from 2004, which sadly cannot include Annie Edison putting baby Jesus in the tree. Still a pretty definitive list. [
