“I’m not ashamed to say I’m a Christian, but unicorns are kick ass.”

Links

Rick Perry’s Unpopular Opinions - He might not be ashamed to say he’s a Christian, but I am. “My Pokémon team is all zubats” made me laugh out loud, though. [Buzzfeed]

NBA Laboratory: Givin’ Kobe Bryant The Business - I’m seriously considering buying a Robert Awful LA Lakers jersey after watching this video. Talk about team loyalty! [SB Nation]

Alec Baldwin: America’s #1 Terrorist - The new best part of being famous is that if you’re thrown off a plane for being too fat or playing Words With Friends when the flight attendant has told you to shut off your electronic stuff, you can go on Twitter and bitch and everyone takes your side. SHUT DOWN YOUR STUPID PHONE ALEC BALDWIN [Warming Glow]

Video Of The Day: Mike Tyson Quote Song - We’re never gonna stop thinking this invalid rapist is hilarious, are we? Oh well, at least his video game was the best. [Cage Potato]

Your Up-To-The-Second Playoff Picture Updated ‘Round The clock With Newer, Cheaper Jokes - The title says it all. “Who are the Texans” jokes almost make me mad now, but I’ve been a Texans fan for like forty minutes, so what the hell can I even say? [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Funny, Sexy And Awesome Cosplay Of The Week - Holy crap, anthropomorphic Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony #cangetit SO HARD. [Gamma Squad]

Limp Bizkit Got Dropped From Their Record Label - This time they’re gonna let it all come out. This time they’re gonna stand up and shout. They’ll do things their way. Their way. Their way of the highway. [Film Drunk]

Cast Of Community Begs You All To Save Greendale - Don’t let this beautiful cadre of people leave my life, even if Donald Glover is now officially a rapper and Alison Brie is going to show up on a much better show sometime early next year. [UPROXX]

Today’s Cutest Kid Is This Rapping Two-Year Old - He’s not as good as Childish Gambino, but he’s better than Fred Durst. [Smoking Section]

JoshiMania Night One: Death Queen Battle - Pictures and happenings from a show I would’ve killed to attend, and almost did like 14 different times. If they’d brought over Miyako Matsumoto, I don’t know, I probably would’ve sold my car to finance a trip. [DirtyDirtySheets]

Does this look like somebody who’d have a severe drug problem?

38-year old pro wrestler Travis Tomko (aka “Tyson Tomko” or just “Tomko”) has topped Houston Astros outfielder Jordan Schafer getting arrested for marijuana possession at a Cheesecake Factory as the month’s most random and least baller sports-world arrest by robbing a CVS Pharmacy of its Oxycodone, then going to a local Chili’s restaurant to ask for a soup spoon, ground up all 178 pills and inject them into his body. It also tops “Booker T once robbed a Wendy’s” as the best WWE fast food tragedy.

According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, Tomko went to a nearby Chili’s … where he asked his waitress for a spoon. When the server brought him a teaspoon, he asked for a “deeper spoon” … and when he got it, he took it to the men’s room … where he remained for 30 to 40 minutes.

Cops were eventually tipped off … and when they arrived on the scene, one officer says Tomko had “needle marks and blood running down his arm” … and had just flushed something down the toilet.

Tomko was taken into custody — and allegedly told police he has a “severe drug problem.”

To his credit, I spent 40 minutes in the bathroom the last time I was at Chili’s, too. He was taken to a hospital, then immediately taken to jail.

Tomko spent five years in TNA Wrestling and held one-half of their tag team championships, making him at least as good of a wrestler as Cincinnati Bengals cornerback Pacman Jones. He’s spent a lot of time in Japan, as well, but is best known for his seven-or-so years in World Wrestling Entertainment and that one time Christian asked him to “drop a beat” so he could battle rap John Cena and was refused. According to this report, that might’ve been the only time he’s ever said “no”.

Before becoming a wrestler, Tomko was a bodyguard for Limp Bizkit, and you can see him milling about in the “My Generation” video, so at least it’s comforting to know that getting sent to jail for shooting up 200 off-brand drug store painkillers in the worst of the family restaurants isn’t the saddest thing that’s ever happened to him.