Despite what a bunch of pompous crybabies like myself predicted during the NBA lockout, a little forced time off eventually did nothing to hurt the sanctity of the league and the statuses and images of its stars. That has been clearly evident from the strong ratings, and it has been aided by unexpected blessings like Jeremy Lin popping up in the league’s favorite market. And as Sunday’s All-Star Game has come and gone, TNT had a ratings bonanza and David Stern cackled atop his throne of angel skulls.
Now we can go back to wondering what’s going to happen to Dwight Howard and Deron Williams. Will they end up together in New Jersey/Brooklyn? Dallas? Orlando? Turkey? A Whole Foods in Connecticut? A lube-soaked spooning embrace? Yes to all is my prediction, because that’s the easy choice and we have more important matters confronting us, like making fun of Chris Brown.
Because that’s the most important thing we can do today.
Apparently at some point, someone thought it was a good idea to take a million dollars worth of Graff diamonds and slap them on a set of Beats by Dre headphones. But it was for a worthy cause, you see, as the two guys from the horrendous gimmick party rock outfit LMFAO needed something to snazz up their douche academy uniforms costumes for the Super Bowl halftime performance. That’s right, they needed to wear $1 million headphones while performing basic dance moves and lip-syncing with a 53-year old woman.
But apparently they were the test market and the idea proved genius, because rapper Lil Wayne got himself a pair of the diamond-encrusted Beats by Dre headphones and wore them to the NBA All-Star Game on Sunday night. I don’t blame him, because I wouldn’t want to hear Chris Brown and Pitbull perform either.
So why put $1 million worth of diamonds on a pair of headphones? There’s a pretty simple solution.
Much to no one’s surprise, the Oklahoma City Thunder are currently the best team in the NBA, as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook continue their strange “I’m not better than him but I’m secretly better than him” routine, and the Chicago Bulls and Miami Heat have all but locked up their eventual meeting in the Eastern Conference Finals. And as I pointed out yesterday, while I might be a little biased, the Orlando Magic’s incredible collapse is probably the most interesting story in the NBA right now.
Other than that, all eyes are on the trade mill, so essentially the Magic are the focus of everyone with Dwight Howard standing firm with his preferred teams of the Los Angeles Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, Los Angeles Lakers and New Jersey Nets. Of course he’s also said that he’d play for the Boston Celtics or Chicago Bulls, but it’s clear as day that he wants to play in New Jersey or Brooklyn or wherever, and Magic GM Otis Smith is way too stubborn to trade him, so Howard will most likely sign there as a free agent.
Everything else is pretty much business as usual. So let’s make fun of everyone, shall we?
10 enthusiastic quotes from the one positive review of Katherine Heigl’s new movie - “I never thought of her as that attractive before, but she’s quite sexy here!” Obviously this guy never saw her ass in My Father The Hero. [Film Drunk]
The Best Of #Michael Scott - Watching ‘The Office’ this season is like hanging out with an ex-girlfriend. It’s like, yeah, you WANT to like her, but you mostly just want to go watch something else. [UPROXX]
5 Steps To Make the Worst Game Boss Possible - Step 1: put Sonic The Hedgehog in it. Step 2: give it motion controls. Step 3: Mini-games, and lots of them. [Gamma Squad]
The Season 2 ‘Game of Thrones’ Trailer Will Make Your Dinklage Hard - Using the image from this post as precedent the next time I worried about putting naked people on With Leather. [Warming Glow]
Pitchfork Takes A Dump On Lana Del Rey’s New Album: ‘The Album Equivalent Of A Faked Orgasm’ - The truth. If you like Lana Del Rey’s album you’re the kind of person who masturbates to animated gifs. [UPROXX]
Believe It Or Not, The Pro Bowl Wasn’t Terrible: The Game In Pictures - Hey guys, how about we give 1,500 comments to a fun thing about football for once? [With Leather]
Nas Joins ESPN’s Winter X Games - What the what? Alternate headline: Big Bear joins ESPN3′s coverage of beach volleyball, points out when the ladies are Doin’ Thangs. [Smoking Section]
Please Do Not Follow These 15 Disturbing Tips - Number 16: Please read Busted Coverage. [Buzzfeed]
Best New Netflix Instant Movies for February 2012 - Thanks for your instant streaming, Netflix, it helps justify that hard copy of The King’s Speech I’ve had sitting on my fridge for the last six months. [The FW]
Girls in Gaming: Killing the Cliché with Chelsea - Only an editorial piece about video games could justify “talking to a random stranger who happens to be a woman” as breaking social barriers. ‘Sup, Chelsea? [Unreality]
Here’s Lil Wayne’s Super Bowl Prediction - Big Bear predicts Chicago will show up, do thangs and win by 10. [Brobible]
Now that we know that Kim Kardashian decided to divorce Kris Humphries because her dead father, being channeled by medium John Edwards, told her to, Humphries is readjusting to his role as a true playboy in this NBA lifestyle. So he invited Life & Style magazine into his new bachelor pad to show what life after Kim actually looks like, and it appears that the answer is: douchey.
I haven’t kept up on whether or not the trend of opposing fans booing Humphries mercilessly is still alive, but I really hope it is. It has nothing to do with the fact that he enabled the Kardashian clan and helped them allegedly haul in $17 million for their sham wedding anymore. It’s the fact that he’s a professional basketball player and he’s allowing Life & Style to take pictures of his bachelor pad. Come on, K-Hump. You should know better than this.
Meanwhile, not much has changed. The Chicago Bulls and Miami Heat are still the favorites in the East, and the Oklahoma City Thunder and basically the entire Northwest Division are running the West right now (except for Minnesota, which is still play rather Minnesota-esque). So until something noteworthy happens (like the New York Knicks sending Amar’e Stoudamire and Tyson Chandler to the Orlando Magic for Dwight Howard and Hedo Turkoglu, for instance) here we are once again with our Week in Pictures.
Crap, this isn’t what they’re talking about, is it.
It’s Official: Netflix Is Bringing Back ‘Arrested Development’ For Another Season - Now if they can do this with ‘Community’ and ‘Firefly’, and somehow convince the cast of ‘Freaks and Geeks’ to go back in time to when they were younger and be good again. [UPROXX]
Happy Birthday To Us: A Gallery of Birthday Animals - I hate being a new editor, I don’t know when any of our holidays are. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to work on Thanksgiving. I’m vegan, so I’m stuck working, right? [Gamma Squad]
Just What ‘The Matrix’ Needed: Mambo No. 5 - Don’t know why this exists, but I love it. The trompets. The TROMpets. [Film Drunk]
ESPN’s Lee Corso Says The F-Word, The World Laughs - New professional goal: get on ESPN once, use the phrase “you f**kers”. [Smoking Section]
This Explains So Much - The next time it’s 11:15 on a Saturday night and an SNL writer doesn’t have an idea, fire him and replace him with someone who is funny and can produce without ruining everything. [Warming Glow]
6 Photos Of Cats Who Look Like Drake - I love this, if only for the possibility of the hashtag “I hurt myself: Meow”. [Buzzfeed]
9 Towns with Tasty Thanksgiving Names - Like when you’re a kid and think the country of “Turkey” is funny, but longer. [The FW]
Lil Wayne Returns to Hometown to Hand Out Thanksgiving Turkeys - They should really keep filming him doing stuff like this and try to witness a Christmas Miracle. [Popcrush]
30 Inexplicably Damning Reviews For Awesome Movies - Movie reviews are the worst. I like to review a movie by watching it with someone, then turning to them and saying “so what’d you think”, then talking about what we thought. [FARK]
Kermit on Jason Segel’s Nude Scene: He Had ‘Shortcomings’ - Not really interested in Kermit the Frog looking at dicks, guys. [Moviefone]
The 5 Best #SAVECOMMUNITY Campaign Posters Made To Avert The Darkest Timeline - You know what would’ve worked even better? More good season 3 episodes of ‘Community’. |Pajiba|
Arnold Schwarzenegger: Best DVD Commentary Ever - I love you, Arnold, and I don’t care what a weird creep you are in real life. [High Definite]