If you missed the last five minutes of last night’s game between the Colts and Patriots–which is not a rivalry but a fine matchup nonetheless–you saw Bill Belichick instantly shed the label of “coaching genius” when he sent his offense back out onto the field for a 4th and 2 play from his own 28 yard line. With a six-point lead, Tom Brady threw a screen pass to Kevin Faulk, who bobbled the ball in front of the chains, completed the catch, and was knocked backwards by the Colts’ defense. The ball was spotted short of the first down just before the 2-minute warning, and the Patriots, having used two timeouts on their very short drive, could not challenge the call. Peyton drives the Colts down the short field for a Reggie Wayne TD catch, and the extra point seals a 35-34 Colts win.

There’s only so many ways to say “insane.” Belichick didn’t seem confident after the failed 3rd and 2 pass that he was planning to go for it all along. Who throws it when (a) you need two plays for two yards, and (b) you’re trying to kill the clock, even if Tom Brady is your quarterback?

Was Belichick so immersed in his own excellence that he just assumed he could get the two yards? Or was he so convinced that Peyton Manning was going to beat him anyway? Of course, if Belichick gets his two yards, we’re not having this discussion, but that still doesn’t mean it wasn’t the dumbest call ever.

It didn’t take a Jew-hating shark to realize that defensive-minded head coach Mike Singletary would have no use for the pass-happy schema created by Offensive Genius™ Mike Martz. But Martz still hasn’t caught on with another team, most likely because of some logical, merit-based rationale. Right, Mike?

“People are determined to keep me out of the league,” Martz told Tom Curran of NBCSports.com. “It’s been going on for three years and at this point, I can’t fight it. I just can’t fight it. Three years of people putting it out there that I’m a high-maintenance lunatic.

“I keep asking, ‘Who says these things?’ No one will tell you. But I just put two and two together. But when you have a tag and the same damaging things get said two or three times it becomes very hard to shake that tag.”

I was once “tagged” as a “ruthless masturbator” at this one job. So management was all, “Well, this guy likes to wank it on company time, which is deplorable, but we really need this Mail Merge project finished, so we’ll just look the other way until he’s done.” And honestly, they should have been looking the other way to begin with. They didn’t pay me nearly enough to keep my hand out of my pants.

[PFT]

Rememeber when your high school football coach told you every play was designed to go for a touchdown, and you were like "Yeah, right. A run between the guard and tackle? Or the Dave Wannstedt Draw? Whatever." Well, apparently that kind of dynamic play calling works in the SEC because LSU and Arkansas were carrying the pigskin over the goal line on some of the simplest plays ever devised. Arkansas' fullback ran the ball right through the middle of the line for a 65-yard touchdown in the 3rd quarter. And he's a white guy. Anyway, the Razorbacks defeated the Tigers in 3 overtimes because LSU coach Les Miles pronounced the name of the 25th state incorrectly:

"They weren't saying it right so we wanted to let them know how to say it," [Arkansas RB/QB Darren] McFadden said. 

Ah yes, I've heard they place primary importance on elocution lessons at the University of Arkansas. Enunciating correctly and clearly is very important if you're training for a career that uses a CB radio. Oh well, who will be the new #1 now that LSU has lost? Will Kansas beat Missouri? Will Ohio State benefit from not playing anymore games? Will my bookie let my legs heal before breaking them again? -KD