In an event that threatened to destroy the Nashville Superspeedway with fire and brimstone, Pastor Joe Nelms christened a NASCAR Nationwide series race the most sacrilegious and heavily-sponsored pre-race prayer in history.

He quotes Talladega Nights (a movie that makes fun of NASCAR, in case nobody in NASCAR noticed), praises God for giving them “mighty machines” with “GM performance technology” and gives thanks to Jesus Christ in all things, including tires and specific brands of fuel. To people who yell “woo” and fire guns to celebrate that right there’s funny (they don’t care who you are), but to anyone who regards religion as an important thing they’ve decided to base their entire life on, it was a big flashing neon sign in the sky reading “AMERICA: WHERE STUPID PEOPLE FEEL AWESOME”.

You can watch the video below, but be careful, as it might turn you into a pillar of salt.

As a pretty huge disclaimer, I (1) was born in the American South and (2) was a sheltered Christian kid for the first half of my life, so don’t assume I think I’m better than these people or that I’ve got too much of a hard-on for or against Christianity. Neither of those things would be true. I’m just afraid that 50,000 white people giving thanks to The Lord for their suspension systems might be one step too close to the “big ass extreme fries” world of Idiocracy. “Best prayer EVER!” sorta seals it. Is this better than that prayer that healed your Grandma? Because lulz?

[h/t Off the Bench]

UPDATE: Tebow is personally denying that the incident ever took place.

A fun story (fun for us, anyway) has finally made its way out of the NFL combine, one involving Tim Tebow and the Wonderlic, that timed test that all NFL prospects are asked to take at the combine. Tebow took the test, as everyone else did, with a small group of other prospects that didn’t really know each other.

Per a league source, after the person administering the test to Tebow’s group had finished, Tebow made a request that the players bow their heads in prayer before taking the 50-question exam.

Said one of the other players in response: “Shut the f–k up.” Others players in the room then laughed. –PFT.

Come on, guys. Tebow was just trying to make sure that you got into heaven! That leadership! Of course, his leadership was trumped by the STFU guy, who basically won over the room with a single phrase. Just wait until the 2012 season, where Goodell will give Tebow a distinct advantage by mandating that all game balls be constructed from Filipino foreskin. No, I can’t write a Tebow post without bringing that up. Thanks for asking, though. Read the rest of this entry »