Last Tuesday the world was introduced to a video of two hockey tykes preparing to enter the arena of epic ice battles, only to be puck-blocked by a goodie-two-shoes hockey mom. Millions of people watched in awe as these pint-sized Georges Laraques dropped their gloves, cast sportsmanship aside and attempted to settle their differences like men, despite, of course, being teammates. Turns out they were just messing around. Jerks.

J.J. Mazza and Etnie Rosenbaum play league ice hockey in South Florida (ed. – Doesn’t everyone?) and were promptly invited to join the Florida Panthers at practice after their little faux tussle for a “Root Beer Summit,” emulating President Barack Obama’s “Beer Summit” that he held with a police sergeant and college professor that weren’t getting along. Panthers star David Booth joined the kids for a few lessons in sportsmanship, class, behaving like gentlemen, and, I’m guessing, taking out the late morning groupie poon.

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Divorce isn't really that funny. When two people love each other and try to build a life together, and that life goes up in smoldering flames, it's no laughing matter. And when the fire trucks show up and cordon off the entire block and they're all holding that trampoline-looking thing yelling to the people stranded above to jump, that's…actually pretty funny. Anyway, Red Sox principal owner John Henry is putting the finishing touches on his divorce–just in time for the pennant race!

From PalmBeachPost.com (via Ben Maller):

Few details have leaked so far, including whether Henry’s baseball team will be affected. The bookish Boca Raton-based commodities trader bought the team for $690 million in 2002 — nearly 10 years after marrying Peggy Sue in Hawaii.

But at least one startling fact has emerged from the July 29 filings, the newest in 10 months: The Henrys asked Circuit Court Judge Amy Smith to appoint a guardian ad litem to watch over the financial interests of their only child, an 11-year-old girl.

That is, they're giving the kid her own lawyer to determine how much the child support should be. And it's a damn shame they already traded away Manny Ramirez. As terrible as he can be in the outfield sometimes, I'm sure family law would come quite naturally to him.

A quick round-up of MLB trade deadline action.

MANNY RAMIREZ TO THE DODGERS — L.A. and Boston each send two prospects to the Pirates, while the Red Sox get Jason Bay.  Bay is a minuscule downgrade at the plate, a remarkable improvement in the field, and his salary is less than one-third what Manny makes.  Minus the loss of the prospects, nice work by Theo Epstein.  He gets his choice of Boston skanks tonight. [Update: Written before I realized Sox were paying the remaining $7M for Manny. Still, if you're coming here for analysis, you're in the wrong place, my friend.]

KEN GRIFFEY JR TO THE WHITE SOX — News of the proposed trade broke this morning, but Junior approved the deal, so it's official.  Chicago, which has an outfield of Jermaine Dye/Nick Swisher/Carlos Quentin and a 1B/DH combo of Paul Konerko and Jim Thome, successfully filled a hole it didn't really have.

ARTHUR RHODES TO THE MARLINS –  So, okay: not nearly as big of a name as Manny or Griffey, but I felt like I really needed a third story to go with this.  Rhodes couldn't have been moved farther away from the Mariners, both geographically and — what with the Marlins not sucking — metaphorically.

NL – The pivotal four-game NL Central showdown in Miller Park has been thus far been a one-sided affair, with the Cubs taking the first three from the Brewers. Last night it was Ryan Dempster striking out nine and allowing one run in seven innings.  Up until a solo homer by Prince Fielder in the 9th, it was pitcher Manny Parra who was responsible for most of the Brewers offense, doubling and tripling in two at-bats. Probably not a great sign…With the Brewers momentarily lagging, the Cardinals leapfrogged them into second place with their third straight win over the Braves. Chris Carpenter looked promising in his first start since Opening Day of last year, allowing one runin four innings…Chase Utley snapped out of his homer drought Tuesday and added another last night as the Phillies climbed into first place in the East while handing the Nats their eighth straight loss…The latest Manny Ramirez suitors, the Marlins, knocked the Mets from their first place perch thanks to Josh Johnson's first win in nearly two years and Dan Uggla's 26th homer… And Aaron Cook has 14 wins. Yeah. Really. I'm scared too.

AL – Somehow the Yankees swindled the Tigers into not only taking Kyle Farnsworth but also giving up something of value, namely Pudge Rodriguez, in exchange for him. Positively staggering. Also the Bombers avoided an embarrassing homefield sweep by the Orioles by putting up 13 runs highlighted by two Bobby Abreu homers… The newly fearsome Angels (even though they were already had the league's best record) completed a sweep of the Red Sox in Fenway despite their new gun Mark Teixeira going 0-for-4 with two strikeouts…The Rays build their lead to three games with a 3-2 win in Toronto…Carlos Quentin allows to White Sox to keep their Central lead over the Twins, springing Chicago to a 8-3 win with three hits, a homer and 4 RBIs. He has 21 RBIs over his last 17 games…A 14-12 game and the Rangers aren't involved? The Tigers bounce back from a 8-1 deficit to the Indians and ended up winning in 13 innings. Kelly Shoppach had five extra-base hits, equaling a Major League record, in a losing effort.

NFL – The Packers reportedly offer Brett Favre $20 million over 10 years to stay retired. That covers a lot of bingo buy-ins, Brett. In news related to other overrated white NFL media darlins, John Lynch is leaving the Broncos and contemplating where to go next. My guess: John McCain rally.  

Update: Ken Griffey Jr. got traded to the White Sox. So, welcome back to the Junior Circuit…Junior. The 10 games you play before getting hurt should be thrilling.

AL – The Yankees and Red Sox shitshow has come to another blissful, albeit temporary, close with the Red Sox avoiding a sweep in Fenway with a 9-2 win Sunday. Manny Ramirez, signaling that he doesn't want Brett Favre to hog all the frenetic bullshit speculative coverage from the media by expressing interest in a trade, wetn 3-for-5 with two doubles and two RBIs. David Ortiz also had his first homer since returning to the lineup…The Twins pulled within 2 1/2 games of the White Sox thanks to a two-run rally in the 9th of a 4-2 win against the Indians. This on the eve of a four-game set at home against Chicago…The Orioles won their first Sunday game of the season since April 6, upending Ervin Santana and the Angels 5-2. If Sundays stopped sucking, then Mondays go back to being insufferable. You had a good thing going…In helping to A's to a 6-5 win over the Rangers, Brad Ziegler broke a 101-year-old record for most scoreless innings by a pitcher to begin a career. See? Even arcane records you don't care about are meant to be broken.

NL – Johan Santana was an Albert Pujols' solo shot away from a complete game shutout over the Cards. The Mets' ace provided needed respite to New York's bullpen, which logged eight innings the day before, to keep the team a game up on the Phillies…The Nats, owners of the MLB's worst offense, deployed the full force of their bats. Sure, they got blanked again, but they also got five whole hits! You know the Dodgers felt that…The Brewers stay atop of NL Central proved a brief one after Milwaukee lost to Houston and the Cubs bested the Marlins to reclaim sole possession of the division lead.

Whatnot – Goose Gossage was formally inducted into Cooperstown, though officials at the Mustache Hall of Fame sniffed and mentioned they got him in decades ago…Philly wins a sports title! But it's the Arena Bowl. Beggers and battery tossers can't be choosers. And now Cleveland assumes complete whining rights. 

The Red Sox got swept by the Angels this weekend, and Manny Ramirez did this.  Hey look, it's Manny Ramirez everybody!  Isn't it funny the way he's a complete liability in the field?  But hey, he hits well and has a nice personality!  Manny being Manny LOL!

That's not really a good punchline, so: In a related story, Red Sox fans are wicked retahded. 

[Fan IQ]