Lenny Dykstra filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection earlier this week. If you weren’t paying attention, Chapter 9 was titled Live Like An Extravagant Prick and Chapter 10 was Vehemently Shout Down Any Reports Of Your Demise. But that’s why I don’t read books that don’t involve mythological creatures working among humans in present-day North Carolina. From Reuters, who really get annoyed when you call them “Rooters” for some reason:

The 46-year-old has no more than $50,000 of assets and between $10 million and $50 million of liabilities, according to a petition filed Tuesday with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court in the Central District of California.

Dykstra’s filing comes in the wake of some 20 lawsuits he faces tied to his activities as a financial entrepreneur, including The Players Club, a glossy magazine he had helped launch, according to published reports.

We all knew this was coming, but for it to actually happen now is incredibly satisfying. Those of us that first read Kevin Coughlin’s GQ report about Dykstra’s business acumen, or lack thereof, couldn’t wait for it. It’s hard to imagine that anybody to whom he owes money will ever see it. But then again…they loaned money to Lenny Dykstra. For an upscale, low-margin business. I’d rather give my money to Ca$h Cow and have him take his chances at the craps table. He love the Come Line. But then, who doesn’t? Oh, you’re gonna have to roll for him. That’s just how he is.

|via 100% Injury Rate|

Last month, we did a post on the GQ report that Lenny Dykstra couldn’t manage his way out of a paper bag. Dykstra issued a rebuttal of that report the following day. But now it looks like Nails might be losing his house after failing to sell it and defaulting on the mortage.

Private equity firm Index Investors, which granted Dykstra a $850,000 bridge loan in November, secured by the 8-bedroom manse, filed foreclosure papers on Dykstra’s pad last month, as has Washington Mutual, on account of Nails defaulting on his $12 million mortgage. Also, his Gulfstream II was impounded on February 12. Basically, the guy needs cash ASAP.

Lenny’s poor Gulfstream. How’s he supposed to fly around the country and act more important than me without his own plane? This economy is just crushing everyone, except for people that weren’t living extravagantly above their means. Oh, and those decent people that lost their jobs as a result of the credit collapse. Them, too, I guess.

|Dealbreaker|

GQ put out a story written by Kevin Coughlin of the New York Post about his experiences working on an upscale magazine with baseball great Lenny Dykstra, which were anything but great. And he calls people bad names!

Without taking sides in the struggle, it’s a pretty good read and worth checking out. The narrative of Coughlin working for his boyhood idol–a guy who many people weren’t sure that he actually knew how to read–is sure to make one feel better about one’s job situation, unless you just got laid off or something. In which case, why are you reading this?

A passage:

The [magazine] office is at 245 Park Avenue, an imposing glass edifice that Lenny calls “major league” and “one of the top five addresses in the world.” But though the address is prestigious, the five cramped offices we occupy on the thirty-ninth floor are certainly not: The walls are painted a drab, dentist-office eggshell and decked with second-rate Impressionist knockoffs. When Lenny gives me my tour, he says he’ll soon be updating the decor—replacing the art with flat-screen TVs, repainting the walls—though the $30,000 a month he’s reportedly paying in rent already seems to be putting a pinch on his renovation plans. On that same tour, he suggests that perhaps senior editor Chris Frankie and I could come in and do the painting ourselves some weekend. And that new MacBook Air he’d promised during my interview? Lenny asks if I’d mind using my personal laptop instead.

But dude, you’re working for Lenny Dykstra! It’s as if you were athletic and playing baseball alongside him! Or snorting rails off the same end table at Days Inn! Just go with it! Or, you know, run out of there like you have a brain in your head.

Dykstra responded on the record:

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Former Mets and Phillies outfielder/tobacco enthusiast Lenny Dykstra settled a lawsuit with an accounting firm over an unpaid bill of nearly $139,000 yesterday, and as he left court, he awesomely crashed into the metaphorical outfield wall of good taste.  From the New York Post:

[Dykstra] bragged that plaintiff DDK & Co. “folded like Mitch Williams in the ninth… There was no case. There was nothing.” [...]

[He] also laughed off another recent suit that accuses him of being a deadbeat. Halcyon Jets alleged this month that Dykstra bounced a $7,000 check for a September flight from Las Vegas to Van Nuys, Calif.

“That’s my f- – -in’ ashtray money, bro,” he said. “I don’t even know if I flew on their plane.” Dykstra also showed The Post the jacket lining of his charcoal-gray pinstripe suit. “See that purple label, bro? That’s seven large,” he said.[...]

Dykstra – who claims to have reaped $60 million playing the stock market – …said he was losing $500,000 a month on [his magazine The Players Club] but wasn’t worried. “It’s not about money,” he said. “It’s about giving back.”

You can tell that Dykstra is really rich and has no financial problems whatsoever because he’s talking about how expensive his clothes are.  Fabulously wealthy people always do that.  Ignore the multiple lawsuits over unpaid bills, he has a fancy suit!  And those Twizzlers are organic, bro!