Earlier this week, the Titans’ LenDale White joined Panthers running backs DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart on the Best Damn Sports Show Period to talk about the rights to the “Smash and Dash” nickname.  I guess LenDale came up with the name first, but then Panthers fans “swagger-jacked” him, and then I rolled my eyes and made a wanking motion.  I have never in my life watched a bunch of grown men — all millionaires — discussing which pair deserves to have a nickname that rhymes.  And certainly not after all of them had shitty playoff performances in losses to visiting underdogs.

LenDale seems to be taking this especially hard, so I’ll give him his own nickname: Whine and Dine.

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Watch out! He smells gravy!

Of the three contests yesterday, the game decided by 25 points was the closest.  Ugh.  Let’s take a look.

Titans 47, Lions 10 — I’m on the West Coast, so this game started at 9:30 a.m., when my mom had first rights to the TV.  Which meant I got to watch snippets of this game when the Macy’s parade went to commercial (“…And here’s a lively bunch!  This is the Sioux Falls Children’s Choir dressed as snow monkeys on a float designed to replicate our the precious Amazon rainforest, sponsored by Texaco!  And they’re joined by R&B sensation Chris Brown, who will sing his hit song….”).  In seven-minute increments, I flipped over and the score looked like this: 0-0, 7-0, 7-3, 14-3, 21-3, 28-3, 35-3.

Chris Johnson and LenDale White each ran for 100+ yards and two scores, but that doesn’t sufficiently explain how awful the Lions the looked.  Here’s how bad the blowout was: Vince Young played.  That’s how little the Titans were sweating the game.

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Not pictured: Hank’s rowdy friends

The Titans beat the Colts 31-21 on Monday Night Football to remain the NFL’s only undefeated team.  And it’s a testament to the Titans’ outstanding defense and mind-numbingly dull offense that I watched almost the entire game but have nothing to say about it a day later.

The game was close until — following two fourth-and-short stops by the TItans’ D — the heavy, blunt object of the Titans offense finally wore down the Colts with a seven-minute drive capped by a LenDale White touchdown that gave Tennessee a two-score lead.  White finished with a Bettis-esque two touchdowns on ten carries for 13 yards.

Barring some miraculous twist of fortune, the victory essentially seals the AFC South for the Titans, while the Colts — division winners the last five years — are left scrambling for a playoff spot, with archnemesis New England visiting them on Sunday night.  Is it possible that Peyton Manning will miss the playoffs while younger brother Eli returns to them to defend his Super Bowl championship?  Wow.  Eli might win his father’s love yet!

The Tennessee Titans are the last undefeated team in the NFL, and people in the sports media are admitting that this team might be pretty good.  But the Titans aren’t about to believe those lies!  Hell no!  They suck and they know it!

Many Titans returned from the bye weekend to find a mousetrap with a piece of fake cheese in their locker. It was a message from the coaching staff.

“Don’t fall into this media trap of saying we are good,” defensive lineman Dave Ball said. “Just speaking from the team and the guys we have, I don’t think we will do that.”

I think that’s wise.  No team with Kerry Collins as its starting quarterback should get too cocky.  In a related story, running back LenDale White is listed as questionable (severely bruised fingers).

(thanks to the Kissing Suzy Kolber team for the assist)

Josh Boone had a good game against the Cavaliers last night:

Boone scored a season-high 15 points, foiling the Hack-a-Boone strategy by making just enough when he was twice fouled intentionally in the fourth quarter, and the New Jersey Nets beat the Cleveland Cavaliers 105-97 on Friday night. The reserve forward was 4-for-19 (21 percent) from the line entering the game, but made 2-of-4 down the stretch to help the Nets end a four-game losing streak. "I said something to LeBron like, 'Man, don't disrespect me like that,"' Boone said. "Then again, I am shooting 20 percent from the free throw line on the year. I tried to step up there and made 1-of-2 on both of them."

Congratulations sir, you truly deserve to be called a professional cager for making 50% of your charity shots. The Cavs should have known that the "Hack-a-Boone" strategy wouldn't work because it doesn't rhyme like "Hack-a-Shaq". That's why the Indians never killed Daniel Boone – their war parties couldn't come up with a cool rhyming scheme to shout while dispatching him. "Hey, this white asshole keeps trespassing on our hunting grounds in Kentucky. Who has a death rhyme for 'Boone', so we can kill him. No, I said 'Boone', get your minds out of the gutter!" -KD

Photo Credit: Getty Images