The World’s Fastest Christian, Breakdancing To The Godzilla Soundtrack

Written by Brandon Stroud / 12.02.11

jeff-gordon-breakdancing

I thought he was just a cereal box model, but apparently Jeff Gordon is a champion race car driver and B-Boy.

The breaking of dance occurred during the NASCAR “After the Lap” event in Las Vegas, a championship banquet referred to by the Las Vegas Sun as a “press conference on steroids” that plays out like the last 30 minutes of any Blue Collar Comedy Tour stop, right down having Bill Engvall sit there squinting and laughing while people around him try to be entertaining. The skinny (and white) from SB Nation:

Gordon said he started break-dancing in middle school because that’s what all the cool kids did. In fact, the four-time NASCAR champ said he’d sneak into the bathroom and break-dance every morning before school, because they weren’t allowed to dance in the hallways.

You can check out video of the hip-hoppery after the jump, but be aware that at no point during the clip does he accidentally kick Bill Engvall in the face.

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McCreerin’ Makes The World Work

Written by Brandon Stroud / 10.20.11

Up next: the cast of “Glee” mashes up “God Bless America” with “Party Rock Anthem”! Stay tuned!

Links

The Best Of Ellen Muthaf*ckin’ Barkin’s Muthf*ckin’ Tweets So Muthaf*ckin’ Far - Did you know America’s low-rent Helen Mirren has a Twitter account? Do you know she curses a lot? Now you know! [UPROXX]

What If We Replaced The Star-Studded Cast Of New Year’s Eve With Terrence Howard In Different Hats? - Using “Raise Your Glass” in a trailer is the worst. Pink probably makes 20 mil in royalties every day because some studio exec thinks Ashton Kutcher is “right in all the wrong ways”. [Film Drunk]

Drake’s Okay With Being Labeled “Emo” - Last name Ever, first name Lamest. [Smoking Section]

Affleck’s ‘The Town’ in Real Life - Hopefully this involves Blake Lively being a white trash stripper in real life. [The Daily What]

Star Wars Taxidermy Sadly Just Photoshop - And almost all of these could serve as a really foul-smelling sleeping bag, should the situation arise. [Gamma Squad]

‘Police Academy’ Noise Guy Mouth-Shreds Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’ - Legitimately better than all 10 songs in the Billboard Hot 100 Top 10. You’ve got “moves like Jagger”? Why not try making good music like Jagger? [Warming Glow]

10 Things You Didn’t Know About The Movie Swingers - #11 – It is not as good as Made. Screech cameo greater than. [Buzzfeed]

From Elton John to The Pixies: 21 Great Movie Music Cues - I would’ve included the omnipresent Saw music and the orchestral open from The Chipmunk Adventure. [Moviefone]

The 10 Best Classic TV Theme Songs - This list doesn’t include “The Brady Bunch” and is therefore invalid. [AOL TV]

ROBOT CHICKEN: New York Comic Con 2011 Panel - “Uh yeah okay so this year we’re gonna make Boba Fett fart, and the fart will be voiced by Nicole Eggert, and you’re gonna laugh at it for some reason. See you next year!” [Adult Swim]

The 12 Crappiest Movies of Carla Gugino’s Career - This guy has the nerve to suggest Troop Beverly Hills isn’t a good movie. Are you serious, bro? The Freddie! [Pajiba]

George Carlin Answered A 14 Year-Old’s Letter - I love that George Carlin could talk for 2 hours about any subject, but answers form questions with as few words as possible. That’s so wonderfully human. [NextRound]

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Pussycat Doll Covers Zeppelin for NBA: Bonham Choking on Vomit In Grave

Written by Brandon Stroud / 04.25.11

From ESPN’s Page 2, without any context or exposition:

ESPN has unveiled the opening video for the NBA Playoffs on ESPN and ABC, featuring a cover of Led Zeppelin’s “Black Dog” by Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Experience, featuring Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls.

fever dog, scratchin' at my back doorOf course, this cover is from Scherzinger’s fourth album, Pussycat Dolls IV, also known as the “four symbols” album, also known as “HoSo.” It is maybe the worst thing to happen to Led Zeppelin since Jimmy Page passionately played guitar in front of Puff Daddy and Godzilla. It’s the worst thing to happen to sports hype videos since the NFL used “Buttons” in a Ben Roethlisberger highlight video.

According to Wikipedia, the song “Black Dog” is about the “desperate desire for a woman’s love and the happiness resulting thereby.” Maybe this would’ve worked better as a WNBA playoff theme? Does the WNBA have playoffs? I’m guessing they used it because of the whole “the way you move makes me groove” line, like when Royal Caribbean cruise line used Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” because the phrase “lust for life” makes it sound like you’re excited about life.

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