Meet Con Bro Chill, Lacrosse’s ‘Personality Of The Year’ And The King Of All Bros

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.27.12

I’m trying to be a lot better about reserving judgment these days until I fully understand the subject matter at hand, so with that in mind, I offer the most confusing topic that I’ve written about this year – Con Bro Chill. Known to lacrosse fans as Denver Outlaws midfielder Connor Martin, this flamboyant lacrosse icon is apparently the antithesis of the unintentionally hilarious lacrosse PSA that Vince posted on FilmDrunk two weeks ago, as he and his colorful cohorts have taken to YouTube and concert stages to spread their YOLO power party lifestyle to the lacrosse masses.

The aforementioned video, of course, featured a group of adult lacrosse players, including the guys from Adrenaline LAX and Happy Madison actor Peter Dante, telling kids at lacrosse camps about the importance of not adopting the lacrosse bro mentality. As a recovering bro, I was dumbfounded, because Dante is the epitome of a bro, so that had to mean that a lacrosse bro is something so much more outrageous and offensive. All I could think of was an Entourage DVD smoking weed with an LMFAO album while Vin Diesel plays the air guitar. And you know what? Con Bro Chill really isn’t that far off.

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Lacrosse, Now With More Crosses

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.15.12

If two Canadian Intermediate A lacrosse teams get into a bench-clearing brawl and nobody’s there to see it, did it really happen?

Yes. Yes it did.

Several players started fighting after Coquitlam scored to take a 15-4 lead. As the officials tried to settle everyone down, more players got involved and both benches eventually cleared.

The game was called with 47 seconds left in the period.

Josh Aldrich of the Nanaimo Daily News reported that B.C. Intermediate A Lacrosse League commissioner Gene Regier handed down 15 suspensions, but he did not reveal who or how long the suspensions were. (via Content Farm)

“…because he’d never heard of anyone on either team.”

The best way to watch this clip is to pretend the only five people in the crowd are the cast of ‘Bob’s Burgers’. That “oh my goaddd” at the 0:54 mark is absolutely Linda Belcher, and the loud “ENOUGH, GUYS” at 1:11 is a pretty convincing H. Jon Benjamin. Random screeching female throughout is just Louise, egging them on. Suddenly this is the best (and most underrated) lacrosse fight video ever.

[h/t to Fark]

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Lacrosse The Movie: Like Drumline, But With The Whitest People You’ve Ever Seen

Written by Brandon Stroud / 11.28.11

lacrosse-drew-magaryFunny what you notice the first time you see a movie trailer. Hairlessly handsome white folk, narration that makes it sound like the first paragraph of a freshman essay … what’s impossible to know at first glance [dramatic pause] is everything else. Aaaand wipe!

Twilight’s Kellan Lutz and Ashley Greene re-team in a story of young love and the true meaning of sportsmanship and life. Co-starring Chord Overstreet. Coming to select theaters and on Video On Demand December 2nd!

WWE Studio films have taught me that “coming to select theaters” is code for “Wal-Mart doesn’t sell direct-to-DVD movies so we’re releasing it in four theaters for a day”. I’m glad they’re doing it, too, because this movie has it all… Ashley Greene’s weird coke nose, Kellan Lutz not having armpit hair but being able to karate kick down a building, inaccurately played lacrosse … hell, it has everything you could hope for in a movie. Except a black person.

Wait, sorry, there are two black ladies in the crowd near the end. I didn’t notice them because my brain was recovering from “I know everyone faces hardship in life …it just seems like some people … are act’ally made SHRONGER by it”.

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Duke Wins Insufferable Douche Lacrosse School Melee

Written by Ryan Walsh / 06.01.10

Lacrosse-BlueWhiteThe Duke lacrosse team finally learned how to rape on the field, as they penetrated Notre Dame to a 6-5 victory. When asked to comment, Duke fans popped all of the collars on the shirts they were wearing and started yelling about the car dealership their dad owns. The game went into overtime for the second year in a row, but was over quickly.

And then in five short seconds, CJ Costabile did what four years couldn’t do. The sophomore long pole won the opening faceoff in overtime, sprinted down the field and scored to give Duke a 6-5 victory over Notre Dame, its first lacrosse national championship and the ultimate cathartic moment. –ESPN

Lax bros from Cape Cod to Chevy Chase then proceeded to shotgun like 20 beers in an hour, bro, and totally railed out your girlfriend. The kegger they threw at Beau’s place was so awesome that every slam piece on campus came and got hot beef injections. The bros then kicked them out, smoked a bowl, and watched the first five seasons of Entourage. Ultimate lax bro Brantford Winstonworth gives his comments after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

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