We’re less than a month away from the most important basketball event of the summer, and it appears that the NBA is trying to ruin the fun for everyone. I’m not talking about the 2012 Summer Olympics, because I’m an American who lives with the foregone conclusion that Team USA will destroy every other basketball team, so the importance of such an event is lost on me.

No, I’m talking about two diehard Miami Heat fans who simply want to show the world how much they love their team by orally pleasing any man who wants to stand in a line and watch every guy in front of them get a beej. I believe that’s called the American dream. But the NBA doesn’t share that dream, because apparently the new league slogan is “Where hummers don’t happen”.

At least that’s what this statement from the league’s lawyers is telling Sara Jay and Angelina Castro.

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Former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky was convicted Saturday on 45 of 48 counts of sexual abuse, misconduct, and a variety of other terrible, despicable, and truly heinous charges, which means that, barring an appeal miracle, the 68-year old will rot in jail until the day that he dies. And from there he will be shuttled by a chariot of flaming skulls into the kingdom of Hell, where he will rot for eternity whilst a billion tortured souls take turns slapping him in the genitals with a cactus made of rusted nails.

Sandusky’s attorneys, who admitted that they wanted to quit before the trial began because they had no time to prepare, plan to appeal based on the grounds that the tapes that NBC submitted of Sandusky’s interview with Bob Costas were misleading. Whatever. Appeal away. Because more victims will come forward, and Sandusky will just be missing out on some lovely song time at the prison.

Other prisoners were barred from communicating directly with Sandusky, but they could see him. And when the lights went out, inmates serenaded the disgraced coach with a famous line from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.”

“At night, we were singing ‘Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone,’ ” Josh said, adding that everyone knew who Sandusky was because inmates had access to television and newspapers. The jail can hold 349 inmates. (Via The Daily)

But don’t get too excited about that old wives tale that prisoners will gut him like a fish when he enters general population. Apparently prison justice isn’t how we’ve all dreamed.

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This week’s With Spandex guest is Veda Scott, a talented young wrestler who you may’ve seen interviewing stars backstage at Ring Of Honor, hyping upcoming events from the CHIKARA offices or competing in the ring everywhere from Beyond Wrestling in the Northeast to Absolute Intense Wrestling in the Midwest. Oh, and she just graduated from law school.

In episode 4 we laugh about concussions, talk about Veda’s announcement as one of the eight women competing in Anarchy Championship Wrestling’s American Joshi Queen Of Queens tournament, throw shade at community college documentary filmmaking classes, discuss our favorite episodes of ‘Forensic Files’, compare and contrast our identical housecats, complain extensively about Kings Dominion turning three great old rides into one terrible super coaster and the value of pro wrestling perfection. It was a great conversation. About 20 minutes of it in the middle is nothing but bar exam study questions.

Go ahead and give it a listen. You love her already.

Subscribe to With Spandex on iTunes (finally) here: With Spandex on iTunes

RSS Feed: With Spandex

Direct download of the episode here: With Spandex Episode 4 – Veda Scott

Follow Veda on Twitter: @itsvedatime
For more information on the ACW Queen of Queens tournament: American Joshi Queen Of Queens
For more information on CHIKARA’s Chikarasaurus Rex iPPV and free Veda-filled pre-show: Chikarasaurus Rex

Podcast notes:

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In a story that I’ve paid little attention to because it makes me dismissively wank with poor mechanics, New York Jets backup QB Tim Tebow and his handlers are suing two Jets fans for making a Jesus-themed Jets t-shirt. The shirt makes no reference to Tebow other than a mutual appreciation of the son of God – although on the site they admit that they were obviously inspired by Tebow’s faith – but that’s not stopping the guy who just changed his dog’s name from making it perfectly clear that Jesus is his thing in the Big Apple, gosh dang it.

The reason I mention that is because it’s apparent that Tebow and is brand managers are going out of their way to protect his “I’m a good widdle boy” reputation now that he’s living in Satan’s den, so it shouldn’t shock us that Tebow and/or his people forced Broadway actress Neka Zang – of Rock of Ages, but I assume you already know that – to delete a picture (above) from her Twitter, one that Tebow took with Zang (above left, I think) and her castmates after he attended a show.

Zang Tweeted that she was asked by unnamed people to remove the picture and then she deleted that Tweet as well, but here was her exact response: “Well, Due to Tebow’s ‘image’ I was asked to remove the pic of him with us half dressed ladies. He does know we arn’t real strippers right?”

This is twice now that Tebow has thrown a hissy fit with posing for photos with celebrity females. During Super Bowl week in Indianapolis, if you recall, he also refused to take a picture with Kate Upton and Chrissy Teigen because they are wretched whorebeasts of the Apocalypse. No, wait, they wear bathing suits. Sorry, I always get those mixed up.

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"Ladies and gentlemen, if the husband is a dipsh*t, you must acquit."

As the 2011-12 NBA season has now lasted longer than his marriage to Kim Kardashian, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries will soon head to court to convince a judge to grant an annulment instead of proceeding with an actual divorce. Kardashian, on the other hand, hired divorce attorney Laura Wasser, who previously helped Maria Shriver, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie take their famous husbands to the cleaners.

Humphries originally wanted to be represented by his family’s attorney in Minnesota – and broadcast the hearing to show us all the real “reality” – but California law requires someone from that state, so instead of finding his own big gun to fire back against Wasser, he’s going in the complete opposite direction – by representing himself. So what does Michael Bluth expect to get out of playing Matlock?

“Kris would like there to be an admission that there was fraud, that there was a malicious intention by the Kardashians to use Kris and to make money and benefit themselves from him ,” says the source. “He wants them to publicly admit that they never intended for it to be a real marriage.” (Via Hollywood Life)

Yeah, good luck with that, dude. Here’s a quick prediction of how Wasser will prepare Kardashian:

Wasser: “Can you cry on command?”
Kardashian: “I’m not sure, I’m not an actress or singer or person with discernible talent.”
Wasser: “Pretend that Nicki Minaj’s cousin just refused to make a sex tape with you.”
Kardashian: *screams out in agony*
Wasser: “Your honor, my client is the victim.”

Photo credit: WWE.com

Oh hi mark.

- For those of you who only show up to read Best and Worst (shame on you), I’m back from my nearly week-long vacation in sunny southern California for a mix of Dodgers baseball, Brady Bunch house visits and mark photos with SoCal Jack Skellington and have returned to my post as the Raw reviewer who is extremely positive about everything but only likes Alberto Del Rio. Before I start, I want to give another thank you to Andrew Johnson for filling in on The Best And Worst Of WWE Night Of Champions and to Diego “the only Dr. Cube that matters” McCafferty for The Guest And Worst Of Raw 9/19. They did a fantastic job filling in, and if you haven’t read those recaps yet, please do so.

- Like I said, this is my first column back in two weeks, so I am going to absolutely badger you to f’ing death for comments, Facebook shares, Twitter retweets, Google Plus plus-ones, Friendster wall posts (does Friendster have a wall? I can’t remember), Xanga rants and Diaryland entries in the support of Best and Worst of Raw. They are appreciated, and if I don’t get enough of them I’m turning With Leather into an indecipherable mass of misdirecting Stephanie McMahon Nude Click Here links and Free iPod announcements.

- In case you need to be bribed, and because last week nobody here liked her enough to include a gratuitous picture, here is Smackdown’s A.J. doing a split.

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